


Till it happens to you

by MarmOTeen



Category: Downton Abbey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:29:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 55,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27672728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarmOTeen/pseuds/MarmOTeen
Summary: What if Bates had found out right away about the Green attack, and Green had been arrested and put to trial?
Relationships: Anna Bates/John Bates
Comments: 8
Kudos: 13





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! So, I was telling myself, I read plenty of S4 alternative stories, (like, A LOT…), and I just wrote one myself, but I never came across one that brought Green to trial. So, I decided to write one. I’ll go along the story line I started developing in “Facing Together” (which was my first ever fanfic, and looking back on it, rather clumsy, I hope my writing has improved a bit since…). That is: Bates finds out right away about the attack, and Green is arrested immediately. Then I’ll try to explore simultaneously the judiciary process and Anna’s reconstruction as an individual and in her couple. I’m aware it might look a bit anachronistic, because it’s a long shot to think that things could have unfolded that way in the 1920s, but I will write it as I think it should have happened, from a modern woman’s point of view. So, let’s go and try to give Anna justice (and not just her attacker’s death, because that’s not real justice).

PROLOGUE

Anna was humming to herself on this early morning, as she was standing in front of the sink in the cottage’s bathroom, in her nightgown, looking at her reflection in the mirror while she was doing her hair before going to work. She looked up and smiled as her husband’s image appeared behind hers in the mirror. He was in his pants and undershirt, and had not yet put pomade in his hair, so stray strands of black hair were falling on his forehead, giving him a boyish look. He put his hands on her hips, and started trailing the side of her neck with light kisses, until he got to her earlobe and gently sucked on it. A light moan escaped her lips as she tilted her head on the side to give him more access. Before she knew it, he had turned her around and her back was resting against the wall as the kissing intensified against her collarbone. His hand made his way under the hem of her gown, going up her thigh, then down again, and he grabbed the back of her knee to bring her leg around his hip. She laughed as her hand rested on the back of his neck, playing with his hairline, but then she pushed him gently away, panting:

\- Mr Bates, as much as I would like to go on with what you have in mind, we are going to be late for work, she scolded him playfully. Haven’t you had enough yesterday? she added mischievously.

\- I will never tire of exploring and worshiping your body, my beautiful, beautiful wife, he whispered against her ear.

Her heart melted at that, but yet reality was still there, and she didn’t want to have to sustain Mr Carson’s stern look if they came late at the breakfast table.

\- And I will never tire of you making love to me, my darling husband. But I still have plenty to prepare for Lady Mary for tonight’s concert. She was raving about that Australian singer last night. But I promise you we will pick this up right where we left off tonight as soon as we get back, she said with a saucy grin.

\- Alright, alright, he conceded, defeated.

Ten minutes later, Anna was closing the cottage’s door behind them, ans they started walking towards the Abbey, hand in hand, enjoying the morning sun.


	2. Chapter 2

After the concert was over, all the servants were filling back downstairs. The staff was quite high-spirited, and most faces were smiling. Mrs Hughes light-heartedly entered her sitting room, put the light on, and gasped when she discovered Anna crouching on the floor behind her cabinet, face bruised, hear all over the place. Anna whispered:

\- Shut the door!

\- Oh my God!

\- Shut the door! repeated Anna frantically.

She quickly obliged, and turned back to Anna:

\- Anna, what the…

\- Will you help me? Will you lend me some clothes? Will you see to Lady Mary, say I’ve gone home with a headache…

\- I can manage Lady Mary, but Anna… we must tell someone!

\- No! No!

\- You must tell M. Bates!

\- Him least of all! If he knew he’d murder the man who’s done it and then he’d be hanged!

\- But…

\- He’s a convicted felon! Do you think they’ll spare him a second time? No…

Mrs Hughes was thinking fast:

\- Maybe Dr Clarkson’s still here.

She started walking towards the door, but Anna grabbed her arm with a desperate look on her face:

\- Will you listen? I need your help, or I wouldn’t have told you! Nobody else must ever know! Promise me!

Mrs Hughes clearly was not convinced, but in the end she nodded, and said, stroking her cheek and putting the bloody hair away from her face:

\- Alright, I’ll fetch you some water, and a comb, and see what I can find in the way of a dress…

And while she made for the door, Anna crouched back behind the cabinet, sobbing. As Mrs Hughes was getting out of the room, she found herself face to face with Mr Bates, looking worried:

\- Mrs Hughes, what is going on, only I thought I heard Anna crying?

\- Oh, Mr Bates, but…

And before she could think of anything sensible to say, Bates had pushed the door open and entered the sitting room. He was not usually one to force entry into Mrs Hughes’s private room, but the sound of Anna’s harsh sobs had chilled him to the bones. She went back inside with him and closed the door, thinking that she might be useful to control Bates’s nerves. Bates went into the room and froze when he saw Anna on the floor.

\- Anna, for the love of God, what’s happened to you?!

While he was talking, he was taking in the dishevelled hair, the bruised face, the torn clothes. Understanding struck him like lightning. Anger rose through him in a split seconds.

\- That filthy bastard! He’s a dead man!

\- No please, Mr Bates… pleaded Anna, sobbing harder than ever.

He turned round and started walking towards the door, with a fierce look on his face. Mrs Hughes pulled herself between him and the door, and told him sternly:

\- M. Bates, I don’t think it would be sensible to commit a crime tonight, not when your wife needs you by her side!

He looked at her for a moment, like he was searching into the depths of his soul the strength to calm down, then took a deep breath and answered:

\- Yes. You’re right Mrs Hughes. Of course you’re right. I was being foolish.

He turned around again, went to Anna, took her hand and helped her stand up. He then held her tight against his chest, stroking her hair, and whispering softly in her ear:

-It’s alright my darling, I’m here, everything will be alright now, as if he were soothing a little child.

He didn’t need to be told who had done this. He knew for sure. He had disliked the man from the first time they had met. He had felt in his guts that he was no good. He should have been more careful. He should never have let her go down to the kitchens by herself during the concert. Anna had been so naive, with her good nature, she could not think that Green was not “just being friendly”. He blamed himself for letting her get hurt by this despicable man.

When she had finished crying, he held her apart from him, gently wiped her cheeks and asked her:

\- How did it happen?

She shook her head, screwing her eyes tightly shut, as if to make the images of what just happened go away. How was she supposed to manage to tell him…

\- Please, darling, tell us. I know you can do it.

She took a deep breath, and reluctantly started telling him, her voice harshly shaking:

\- I… I was in the kitchen, drinking a powder, and he suddenly came behind my back. He started to say rubbish about you, make immoral suggestions, and when I refused…

At that point the sobs started again and she could not talk any more. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t bring herself to put into words what had happened next.

\- He called you a sad old crippled! she cried forcefully, as if this was the worst offence Green had committed that night.

Bates would have smiled at her being so offended by this insult, if that bastard hadn’t done so much worse.

\- Where did it happen, my darling? Not in the kitchen surely?

Anna slightly shook her head, and whispered:

\- He dragged me into the boot room.

Of course. The boot room, where, behind its closed door, no one had heard her scream. His blood was boiling with rage, and he was giving his utmost efforts to stay calm and not break down in front of her.

\- You believe me, do you? she asked him, a hint of fear transpiring in her uneven voice.

\- Of course I do! Why ever would I not? If I ever had doubts, which I have NOT, he said firmly, I only need to look at the state of you to know that he has forced you…

\- Thank you, she whispered, as fresh tears rolled down her face.

Mrs Hughes came close to them and said:

\- Mr Bates, Anna, I think we should hand the man to the police, it is the best thing to do.

-Well, answered Bates, if I’m not going to kill him after all, I guess it is indeed…

Anna did not seem to share their opinion.

\- But… then… every one will know… I could never look anyone in the eyes if they all know about this. I feel so ashamed, she said, hiding her face in her hands.

Bates took her hands and moved them away from her face.

\- My darling, I’m not saying it will be easy, but as you said to me once, “we will face this as husband and wife”. Anyone being unkind to you will have me to answer to.

Mrs Hughes added:

\- Tonight you will go home without talking to anybody, and tomorrow at breakfast, M. Carson and I will brief the staff, that no one should mention this incident in front of you, or ask any question about it.

-Thank you Mrs Hughes, answered Mr Bates

\- Yes, thank you, said feebly Anna.

\- So, I’m going to go and look for him, and bring him to Lord Grantham, and ask him to call the police, said Bates.

\- I’ll stay with Anna meanwhile, and I’ll send someone fetch Dr Clarkson. I think it would be wise to have you examined my dear, she said looking at Anna.

\- Is this really necessary? I only have a few bruises… I’ll be fine, answered Anna, who did not feel fine at all but did not feel up to speaking to yet another person, let alone be examined.

\- I agree with Mrs Hughes Anna, I think it would be wise, said Bates.

\- Alright then… she sighed.

Now that her husband knew, she chose to rely on him, and let him steer her, for she was out of strength to make any decisions.

\- But M. Bates, please, promise me that you won’t hurt him.

Bates smiled and answered:

\- I promise you my darling.

Mrs Hughes sent Daisy to ask for Dr Clarkson, while Bates went searching for Green. He soon found him at the other end of the corridor, preparing to go up the stairs to the servants bedrooms. Green had his back to him, and did not see him. He walked silently and as fast as he could, and in a few seconds was behind him. He grabbed his collar, and brutally pinned him against the wall, clutching his throat with his hand, and whispered in a dangerous voice:

\- Good evening Mr Green. Here’s a message from the sad old crippled: you don’t hurt my wife and get away with it. You were very foolish to try…

He held his throat a little tighter, and Green started to gasp for air. Panic started to show on his usually smug face.

\- The sad thing is, she made me promise not to make justice myself. See, that’s how kind she is. So you’re lucky that I love her so much, because I will hand you to the police instead of killing you, which I would gladly have done if it wasn’t for her.

Green inhaled sharply as Bates released his hold on his throat, and did not oppose any resistance as Bates forced him up the stairs. Green was surprised at the old man’s strength. He had misjudged him. He cursed himself for aiming at a married woman. He usually stuck to single ones. They were easier preys.


	3. Chapter 3

In the Great Hall, the Crawley family were saying goodbye to their guests. Bates came discreetly by the side, and called:

\- My Lord! My Lord!

Lord Grantham looked up to him with a puzzled look.

\- Bates? What is it?

\- My Lord, may I have a word please?

Lord Grantham excused himself to his guest and approached Bates. He seemed even more puzzled when he noticed that Bates was holding Green tight with his arms behind his back.

\- What is going on?

\- My Lord, I’m so sorry to trouble you, but I was wondering if you might call the police, for this man here has committed a crime.

\- A crime? Bates, what are you talking about?

Bates was nervous to tell any details in the Great Hall where so many ears were wandering about, so he asked:

\- I’m sorry my Lord, would you mind if we talked about it somewhere more private?

\- … Yes, sure, come into the library.

As they made their way towards the library, Lady Mary caught sight of them, and followed them.

Once the door was closed behind the four of them, she asked, eyeing the man Bates was restraining:

\- Bates, what in the name of the Lord is going on? Isn’t he Lord Gillingham’s valet?

\- He is my Lady. I’m so sorry to disturb you, but this man has forced himself on Anna.

\- WHAT? shouted Lord Grantham.

Lady Mary looked horror-struck, and no words reached her lips.

\- This is totally unacceptable, man! Lord Grantham continued shouting, looking at Green. So this is why you wanted me to call the police? I will indeed call them at once!

\- Thank you my Lord, said Bates.

Lord Grantham went out of the room to reach the telephone. Bates and Lady Mary were left alone with Green. They both stood embarrassed, not quite daring to look at each other. After a moment, Bates asked her:

\- My Lady, would you mind asking Mr Carson and Jimmy to come and guard him? For I would like to go down and be with Anna…

\- Of course Bates, you must be at her side.

And she left the room. She came back a few moments later, with Carson and Lord Gillingham.

\- I’m sorry Bates, Jimmy was busy attending to the guests, but I thought Lord Gillingham should know, since this man is his valet. He suggested to come and watch him.

\- Green, how dare you?! said Lord Gillingham, looking at Green with a look of utter disgust. I’m so sorry Mr Bates, he added towards him.

Carson’s look was beyond shock and disgust, and he seemed to have no words to qualify the valet’s behaviour. He was appalled that such a thing could have happened in his House.

\- So you can leave now, Bates, said Lady Mary.

And as he started to walk towards the door, she added:

\- And Bates?

\- Yes my Lady?

\- You take good care of her.

\- I will my Lady, answered Bates with a tight smile before leaving the library.

***

Bates quickly went down and knocked lightly before re-entering Mrs Hughes’s sitting room. He found that Dr Clarkson was already there with Anna and Mrs Hughes, and was finishing examining Anna’s face, head and hands.

\- Mr Bates, I’m glad you’re back, said Dr Clarkson. I’m afraid your wife has suffered, apart from the undeniable psychological shock, a mild head concussion, when her head hit the ground, as she has just told me.

Bates clenched his fists as he listened to the doctor’s words, awful images running wild through his brain.

\- Now, continued Dr Clarkson, in a more embarrassed tone, I’m afraid I will have to conduct a more intimate examination…

At these words, Anna’s face froze and turned whiter than ever. Seeing her expression, Bates turned to the doctor:

\- Is it really necessary Doctor?

\- I’m afraid so Mrs Bates, said Dr Clarkson, looking at her with a sympathetic look. I’m fully aware how disturbing this might be to you, but I need to write a detailed report of my findings, which will later be used in court as evidence, to prove that there has been an assault of… immoral nature. This will help to put him in prison, hopefully for a long time.

Dr Clarkson had a confidence in the police and the judiciary system which Bates and Anna had not, since their recent history. But Bates thought to himself, that since they had decided to go down the police path, they might as well put all the chances on their side. So he came near Anna, took her hand, and whispered softly to her:

\- Come on my love, you’re so strong, I know you can handle this. I’m there with you and I love you.

She closed her eyes, took a sharp breath and lay back on the table. She felt dead inside, and would have wanted more than anything to disappear into the ground.

\- I’ll leave you in privacy, said Mrs Hughes. I’ll stand guard outside the door.

A few minutes later, Dr Clarkson wrote his last words on his note book, and told Anna:

\- I think I have everything I need Mrs Bates. You have been very brave.

He then turned to Bates:

\- And Mr Bates, your wife has been through hell and back this evening. Her body will heal faster than her mind and her soul. She will need some time, and a lot of love. Please be gentle and patient with her.

\- Of course Doctor, I surely will, answered Bates, kissing her on her forehead.

\- Well, I will be taking my leave now. My report will be ready tomorrow morning, you can come and pick it up at the hospital before going to the police. I also suggest that you collect all your torn clothes, and hand them to the police. They’ll serve as evidence too.

Anna shivered at the thought of telling her story once again, to a policeman. The thought of unknown men looking at her ruined underwear made her want to vomit. She wondered how ever she would manage to handle the shame of it all.

\- Thank you so much Dr Clarkson, said Bates

\- Yes, thank you, added Anna, in a blank voice.

As Dr Clarkson opened the door to leave, he saw that Lady Mary was standing outside with Mrs Hughes.

\- Good evening my Lady, bowed the doctor, touching his hat.

\- Thank you Dr Clarkson, good evening.

The doctor left, and Lady Mary entered with Mrs Hughes. She went straight to Anna and took both her hands in hers. She looked at her wasted face and exclaimed:

\- Oh dear Lord, what has he done to you! Poor Anna…

She looked genuinely distressed, for she was very fond of her maid. She felt Anna was closer to being a sister to her than Edith ever would be. But Lady Mary was a pragmatic person. So she steadied herself, and continued in a matter-of-fact tone:

\- I wanted to let you know that the man has been taken into custody by the police. I told them you were in no fit state to be interviewed tonight, so they are waiting for you tomorrow at ten at Ripon Police Station.

\- Indeed I am not, whispered Anna (although she thought she wouldn’t be in any better state the next morning). Thank you my Lady.

\- Some officers are looking at the boot room now, see if they can find some evidence.

\- Oh, then we should give them your clothes Anna, replied Mrs Hughes. I’ll go quickly fetch you a new dress, so you can take this one off.

Anna looked down, and nodded slightly. When Mrs Hughes had gone out, Lady Mary looked at Anna again:

\- Anna, I don’t want to see you at work tomorrow. You will take your day off, and so will you Bates, she added looking at him. I’ll tell His Lordship, he will understand. You will go with her to see the police.

\- Thank you my Lady, this is very generous of you, answered Bates.

\- Nonsense Bates. I only wish I could do so much more. And Anna, you take as much time as you need. I’ll manage with Braithwaite or Madge or Mrs Hughes.

\- Thank you my Lady.

\- Now, I think we should all go and try and get some rest. Especially you Anna. Good night.

\- Goodnight my Lady, said Anna, and Bates in unison.

After Lady Mary had left, Bates and Anna were left alone together, for the first time since it had happened. Anna broke into silent sobs, and whispered:

\- John… I’m so sorry…

\- What, Anna… he quickly replied, reaching for her hand. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for! None of this is your fault! If someone here should be sorry, it’s me! I should have protected you from this bastard!

He came close to her and started to embrace her but he felt that she tensed under his touch. He quickly pulled away, not wanting to overwhelm her.

\- I’m sorry my darling, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.

\- I know John, I’m sorry, it’s just…

\- Anna, please, stop apologizing. You never have to apologize to me. I only want to do anything I can to make you feel better. If what I do doesn’t bring you comfort, please tell me so.

\- Thank you… You can hold my hand, she added after a few seconds’ silence.

A light knock on the door announced Mrs Hughes’s return. She was bringing one of her dresses to lend to Anna, and a small cardboard box.

\- There you go Anna, here’s a clean dress, and you can put your old clothes into this box. I talked to the police officer, he’s waiting for it.

Anna made to get up from the table on which she was still sitting, but a sharp pain in her ribs made her wince.

\- Anna, you alright? asked Bates, worried. Do you need me to help you change?

Anna looked at him, embarrassed. She felt very uncomfortable with the thought of him seeing her undressed right now, and in that particular state. She didn’t want him to see the damage on some more intimate parts of her body. She knew it would probably hurt him, but then he had just said that he would do anything to make her feel better, so she hesitantly answered:

\- I… I’d rather you waited outside while I change. Mrs Hughes can help me.

He looked disappointed indeed, but did not protest as he went to wait outside the door. When they were done, Mrs Hughes let him back inside. She was holding the closed cardboard box.

She sighed, as she took Anna’s hand:

\- My dear, do try and get some rest. The next days will be hard too.

\- Yes Mrs Hughes, they surely will, responded Anna, convinced that she would not be able to get any rest at all. Thank you for everything you’ve done Mrs Hughes, and good night.

\- Good night dear, said Mrs Hughes with a warm smile.

She gently squeezed Anna’s hand, before letting her go.

\- Good night Mrs Hughes, said M. Bates, as Anna and he exited in the hallway.

He went to fetch Anna’s coat and hat, and handed her the hat. Anna put it on, hiding her still bloody and messy hair, and she put on the coat her husband was holding out for her. When Bates had put on his own coat and hat, they started their journey back to the cottage. They walked in silence, none of them knowing what to say after this nightmarish evening. Bates wanted more than anything to wrap his arm around Anna and keep her close to him, but he didn’t dare get too close, since her earlier reaction. Instead he reached for her hand, which had seemed fine to her. Indeed she didn’t take it away when he took hold of it. Looking sideways to her, he could see the silent tears that were running down her cheeks as she looked blankly ahead. He bitterly remembered the light mood they had shared that very morning on their way to the Abbey, and felt rage at Green for shattering their happiness. Their life was perfect, and in the space of one day, it was nothing. Now, once more, once too many, they would have to rebuild everything from scratch. He gently intertwined his fingers with Anna’s, slowly brought her hand to his mouth, and kissed the back of it.

***

After the Bates’ departure, Mrs Hughes was left alone in her sitting room. She sighed heavily at the thought of all the events that had unfolded in the previous hours. She felt it had been a century since she had left the concert, light-hearted and content. She felt guilty about what had happened to Anna. Besides the fact that she was very fond of her, as the Housekeeper she was in charge of the safety and the well-being of the female staff at the Abbey, and she had obviously failed tonight. She shrugged and rubbed her temples with her fingers. Well, now all she could do was help Anna and Mr Bates to get back on their feet as well as she could. She would surely be called to testify, being the one who had discovered Anna after it happened. She only hoped she would be of better use than the last time she was made to testify, at Bates’s trial. With another sigh she put the light out in the sitting room and started to make her way upstairs to her room.


	4. Chapter 4

Back at the cottage, John started to lit the gas lamps, while Anna took off her coat and hat. When she was done, she just stood there in the sitting-room, shivering, unable to move. All the happy memories from their previous days, months, in the cottage were assaulting her so painfully, as she realized that her life had just changed forever. John came to her, and shyly brushed the tears on her cheeks with the back of his fingers, hoping this would not cause her to flinch. But she did not. Instead she looked up to him, hurt etched on every line of her face, and whispered:

\- Did this just happen to me? Really?

She just couldn't quite fathom the fact that it had just happened inside the walls of Downton, which she had always considered her safe haven. Of course, she had heard stories, her mother had warned her of men when she was a young girl (ironically so, since her stepfather's behaviour), but never had it occurred to her that such a thing could happen here, and under her husband's nose.

John briefly closed his eyes, and sighed. He had a hard time believing it himself, and although he knew she didn't intend it that way, he received her question with an accusatory stance. This should never have happened to his wife. It was his damn job to ensure that this never happened to her. And he had so completely failed. He would never forgive himself for that.

\- I'm so sorry my darling, he managed to whisper, looking to the floor.

After a few seconds' awkward silence, looking for something practical to do, he asked:

\- Would you like me to heat some water so that you can wash my dear?

-Yes thank you.

She felt like she could have scrubbed the skin off her body if only it would take away that dirty feeling. But she knew it wouldn't go away so easily. She felt like she was twenty years older than when she had left the cottage in the morning. She would have given anything to go back in time and not leave the concert to go down to the kitchen. Or to not talk to Mr Green from the beginning for that matter. She felt so foolish. She was reviewing the last days in her mind and wondering at what point she had lead him on, so that he could believe that she was asking for it. She should have listened to her husband, who had had the right feeling about the man. No, he was not "just being friendly".When she had cleaned herself as best as she could, she put on her nightgown and robe, wrapping it tightly around her body, and went back to the sitting room where John was waiting for her. He had made some tea and handed her a cup.

\- Feeling better? he asked with a small smile.

\- … Not really.

\- Of course, that was stupid of me. I'm sorry.

She sipped a bit of the hot tea. When she looked at him again, her eyes were again filled with tears.

\- I didn't want you to know about this you know.

John looked bewildered.

\- But… why? Why wouldn't you tell me?

\- Because I knew the suffering it would bring you.

\- Oh dear…

\- Well it's out in the open now. No secrets. Every one will know. My shame has nowhere to hide…

\- Why do you talk of shame? I don't accept that there is any shame in this!

\- But I'm spoiled for you! And I can never be unspoiled…

\- You are not spoiled! You're made higher to me, and holier because of the suffering you've been put through!

He cupped her face with both his hands.

\- You are my wife. And I have never been prouder, nor loved you more than I love you now at this moment.

-Truly?

-Truly!"

Tears were now rolling down her cheeks. All he wanted at that very moment was to embrace her in a tight hug. He started reaching out to her with his open arms, but then suddenly remembered her reaction earlier in Mrs Hughes's parlour, and stopped in mid-movement, letting his hands fall back into his lap. He didn't know how to touch her, how to be with her any more. She noticed his aborted attempt, and tried to snuggle close to his chest. After all, she did crave for his comforting touch. But when his arms closed around her frame, all she could feel were the other's hands, creeping under her clothes. She jerked away, and fled to the bedroom, mumbling:

\- I… I'm sorry John… I just… can't

Left alone on the settee, he crumbled down, his head in his hands, muffled sobs escaping his lips. When he managed to compose himself, he got up, wiped his tears, and straightened his clothes. He went up the stairs and knocked lightly on the bedroom door, before peeking inside. Anna was sitting on the bed, her back against her pillow, her legs folded against her chest, arms around her knees, tears still running down her cheeks. He came close and sat on the edge of the bed opposite her.

\- I'm sorry John, she said with a pleading edge in her voice. I didn't mean to push you away…

\- Don't be sorry my darling. You're hurt, confused, and in pain. I understand that physical closeness must be hard right now. It's alright. I'm there if you need it, but if you can't, I won't force it on you. I told you earlier, I only want to do anything to make you feel better. I pledged my life to you, for better or worse, and I hope I can live up to those words.

She managed a small smile between her tears, and whispered:

\- I love you.

She held her hand out for him to take. Right now it was the only gesture she was sure she could handle. He smiled back as he took it, and gently rubbed its back with his thumb.

\- Do you want me to sleep on the sofa? Or here with you?

She took a few seconds to think over his question. As much as she feared physical contact, spending the night alone scared her much more.

\- Please, stay with me. I'm scared. I don't want to be alone.

\- Sure.

While he changed into his night clothes, she unfolded her body and crept under the covers. He then joined her, and lay a bit awkwardly, keeping himself on the edge of the bed, not too close to her. Usually they would cuddle before going to sleep, when they were too tired for more intimate activities. That night he didn't know how he should position himself beside her. He felt like he was moving into a deep fog, hearing her call for help from afar, and not knowing how to reach her and bring her comfort. After a few minutes moving around the bed, trying different combinations of their two bodies, she asked him to lie flat on his back next to her. She lay herself on her side facing him, and rested her arm across his chest. His opposite hand came to meet hers and he stroked it softly as she tried to close her eyes. It felt like an eternity before she finally drifted into an uneasy sleep, interrupted several times as she jerked awake, panting, sweating and screaming before he patiently managed to soothe her.

He knew he wouldn't get any sleep that night. He was still boiling with anger inside him. No woman deserved that kind of treatment, but to think that it had happened to his wife whom he cherished more than his own life was unbearable. He would have wanted to kill him so much. Not acting on it on Anna's request was the strongest proof of love he could ever offer her. He was glad in a way that the man was now locked away, for that would save him the trouble of restraining himself every time they would have crossed paths again.

x x x x

Anna woke up very early on the next morning. Her whole body was stiff as a board and painful. The lump on the back of her head was bigger than the night before, her cheek was more swollen, and every bruise and cut seemed to be there to remind her that all this had really not been just a nightmare.

She turned to reach for her husband, but found that he had already got up. She heard him downstairs, preparing some tea. She got up, wincing at the pains that shot from every spot of her body. She got dressed, and took a look at herself in a mirror. God she looked awful. She wouldn't have been paler if she had seen a ghost. Her left cheek was slowly turning blue, and she had dark patches under her eyes. She tried to cover the damage with a bit of make-up. She wasn't used to wearing some, but that day she was glad she had some of it at the cottage. When she thought she could not do better, she went downstairs to meet John.

\- Hello my darling, he said looking up as he heard her footsteps down the stairs. Did you get a little rest?

\- Not so much… My night was filled with nightmares.

\- I guess so. Come here, I made some tea.

He took her hand and kissed her on her unbruised cheek. The soft brushing of his lips on her cheek warmed her a little. They didn't have much to eat in the cottage, as they usually had their meals at the big house. But neither of them was really hungry that morning, so that wasn't a big issue. The perspective of the police appointment later that morning was enough to pull Anna's stomach into a tight knot. She sat at the table, and started slowly drinking her tea, without tasting any of it. She suddenly raised her head, and looked in John's eyes.

\- John… what if I'm…

\- What if you're what?

\- You know…

He did very well know what she meant. He had tortured himself all night at that possibility. They had always wanted a child, but in the months during which they had finally lived together, it had not yet come. If ever it came this time, they would never be able to know whose child it was. The thought that a part of _him_ could linger between them for ever drove him mad. He closed his eyes to gather himself before answering carefully:

\- I will answer this, again repeating some words you said to me some time ago: "I know it can happen, I do. But the time to face it, is when it has happened, and not before. Grant me that?"

She smiled sadly.

\- You really have too good a memory Mr Bates. But you're right. Why torture ourselves over something that may never happen. Anyway, it will be the first month since we were reunited that I will pray _not_ to be pregnant.

And she continued to drink her tea silently.

x x x x

At quarter to ten, John and Anna were standing in front of Ripon's police station. They had spent the bus ride in a heavy silence, Anna feeling herself tense more and more as they approached their destination. She kept bouncing her knee, and chewing on her lips, as John tried to convey his support to her through tightly holding her hand. She looked up to the building, her heart tightening in her chest, and looked back to John:

\- John, I can't do it. I can't talk about what happened with some policemen. This is so humiliating. I will die from shame.

John tried to steady her by gently squeezing her upper arms. He looked deep into her eyes:

\- My love, I know you can. You are the strongest person I know. He has to pay for what he did to you, we cannot allow him to get away with that. You cannot let him get away and maybe hurt some other women… You have nothing to be ashamed of, you have done nothing wrong! he said firmly.

She tried to let his words penetrate her brain, to give her strength. She closed her eyes, and deeply breathed in and out.

\- Alright, let's go, she said, before walking the stairs to the police station's entrance.


	5. Chapter 5

John Bates was sitting on an uncomfortable chair in the police station's hallway. He had not been allowed to stay with Anna while she made her deposition. Given the nature of the complaint, the policemen thought that she might hold her words if her husband was listening. So he was left there waiting and to be honest, he struggled to stay calm. After an hour that seemed like a century to him, Anna finally reappeared through the hallway door. Her eyes were red and puffy and she looked exhausted. The policeman who was showing her out curtly nodded and said:

\- Thank you Mrs Bates. We'll be in touch. Now I suggest you get yourself a solicitor to assist you through this whole process. Goodbye.

When he had gone back behind the closed door, Anna crumbled into John's arms and sobbed her heart out. That time she didn't mind being so close to him, because it was all she could do to hold onto him not to crash down to pieces on the floor. He gently embraced her, careful not to hold her too tight, until the sobs quieted down a bit. When she straightened up, he held out his handkerchief to her, and said:

\- Now, let's get you out of here.

Back on the street, he turned to Anna and asked:

\- Would you like to get some tea somewhere, and talk it over? Or shall we go straight back home and discuss it later?

Anna blinked into the sun, and whispered:

\- I want to go back home. I can't talk right now. I need some time to process it all.

\- As you wish my darling. Let's go and catch the bus then.

x x x x

When they were safely back home, John went to make some tea, while Anna sat on the sofa. For a moment, she rested her head on it and closed her eyes. When John came back, holding the tray, he looked at her tired face, and sighed. She looked as she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, and he felt so helpless to lift it for her. She opened her eyes and rubbed her temples when she heard him pouring the tea. As he handed her a cup, he asked:

\- So? Was it really that bad?

She pursed her lips before answering:

\- Yes and no… I mean, the policemen were polite and civil enough but… all those questions they asked, they wanted me to tell every little thing, I felt so ashamed… And they asked several times, I had to tell them over and over. What he'd said, what I'd said, what he'd done, what I'd done. They kept asking if I was sure… I mean I know they have to ensure that I don't change my version, but God it was excruciating… When I gave him Dr Clarkson's report he read it out loud, and it hurt so much to hear it in the doctor's words… And I think the worst part was when the officer told me that Mr Green says that we were both drunk and that it had been a "rough but consensual" intercourse. I was so angry when I heard that. Consensual, for heaven's sake! He's got a strange definition for consensual! He banged my head on the floor!

John clenched his fists and whispered through his gritted teeth:

\- That bastard… He's lucky he's locked up because I would gladly smash _his_ bloody head on the floor…

\- And then the officer managed to ask me if I was sure I had not "strayed" and regretted it afterwards, thus coming up with those accusations. I mean, he had just read the doctor's report!

Anna closed her eyes and inhaled deeply.

\- Anyway, he said they would look into his past, see if he has a history of such things.

John gently stroked her cheek and put a stray lock of blond hair behind her ear.

\- I'm so sorry you had to go through this my darling. This should never have happened.

He came to sit near her on the settee.

\- Do you want to cuddle? he suggested, holding his arms open. He added quickly:

\- You don't have too, I'm only suggesting. It's alright if you don't want to.

She looked torn between want and fear.

\- I do want to… But…

\- Let's just try then, he said, a confident smile on his face.

She came closer, and instead of cuddling facing him, she settled her back against his side and her head in the crook of his shoulder. His arm was circling her chest, and his cheek came to rest on the back of her head. She closed her eyes, and breathed a little better when no unwanted reaction crept into her. She felt good being held by her husband from behind. John smiled as he inhaled the scent of her hair against his cheek. It was a baby step, but a step forward nonetheless.

\- See, my love? We'll manage.

\- I hope so, she answered in the smallest of voices.

After enjoying the soothing effect of being gently held for a few minutes, she straightened and turned around to face John. She started in a determined tone:

\- John, I need to ask you something.

\- Anything my darling.

\- Please, don't see me as a victim. This is not who I am. I don't want to see pity in your eyes each time you look at me. I don't need pity. There will be enough from everyone outside.

\- I don't see you as a victim! I see you as my beloved wife, the person whom I have always and will always love more than anything in the world, whatever comes. You'll only see love and concern in my eyes. And maybe sometimes a little worry, I'm afraid I can't help that… he smirked.

She smiled back:

\- I'll allow you that.

The following night was a bit better for Anna. The fact that the first police appointment was past her seemed to have lifted some weight off her chest. There were still nightmares, but she managed to sleep somewhat better. John too got a little sleep. They slept him spooned against her back, as they had found earlier that this was comfortable to Anna.

x x x x

On the next day, both Bates and Anna went back to work. He had suggested that she stayed home to rest a little bit longer, but she had thought it through, and made her mind against it. As much as she feared to face everyone's looks in the servants' hall, she didn't think that staying on her own all day at the cottage would help her lift her spirits. She preferred to keep her mind focused on her work, so as to prevent her thoughts from overpowering her. Mrs Hughes and M. Carson had done a good job in prepping the staff. When the couple appeared at the breakfast table, no comment was heard. Only did M. Molesley exclaim with a warm smile:

\- Oh Mrs Bates, M. Bates, we are so glad to see you both back.

\- Thank you M. Molesley, answered politely Bates, as they both sat down at the long table.

And that was it. M. Carson's stern look over the staff prevented any more chatter. Even Thomas Barrow didn't dare put in his usual nasty comment. On the contrary, he looked sideways to Anna with a rather sympathetic face. When they crossed looks, Anna was surprised to see a small friendly smile on his face. That was odd, she thought. She gave him a smile back, and tried to focus herself on her piece of toast. When Lady Mary rang, she got up to leave the table, but felt John's hand pulling her back. She looked back to him and saw his concerned face:

\- Will you be alright? he whispered.

\- Yes, sure, she said with a tight smile. See you later.

He gently squeezed his hand before getting up too when Lord Grantham rang.

\- Alright. Later.

When Anna entered Lady Mary's room carrying her breakfast tray, her employer's face lit up with a warm smile:

\- Oh Anna! You're back! I thought I'd see Edna again this morning… I can't say I'm not relieved though, I don't care much for that girl, she added with a sneer. So, how are you today? she asked with a real tone of concern in her voice. My God look at your face…

Anna managed a small smile in return:

\- Thank you my Lady. I'm still sore about everywhere, but I think it'll get better in a few days. For the rest well… I guess I'll need a little more time.

\- Surely… Are things fine with Mr Bates?

\- Oh yes, they are, as much as they can be. He's very supportive. I couldn't dream of a better man.

\- Well I'm happy to hear that at least. That will be all Anna, thank you. See you later.

\- Very well my Lady.

Back downstairs, Anna needed to get the pair of shoes that would go with Lady Mary's outfit. She made her way to the boot room, but when her hand was on the door knob, she felt she started trembling. Opening the door, she felt herself dragged thirty-six hours in the past, as sounds, images and feelings assaulted her all at once. She quickly closed the door and crumbled down on the floor crying. Thomas happened to pass by at that moment, and gasped at the sight of her.

\- Lord Anna! he exclaimed as he crouched down in front of her. What's the matter?!

He felt quite foolish asking that question, since it was quite obvious what the matter was. Looking up, he saw a glimpse of the Housekeeper exiting her sitting-room, and called after her:

\- Oh, Mrs Hughes, please!

Mrs Hughes looked in their direction and understood right away. In a few seconds she was near them, and caught Anna's arm.

\- Oh my dear… Come on, get up, come into my room.

Thomas and Mrs Hughes held her each under one arm until she was settled on a chair in the sitting-room. Then Mrs Hughes thanked Thomas with a smile:

\- Thank you Barrow. I'll handle it from here.

He nodded to her and left the room. Mrs Hughes sat near Anna, who was slowly gathering herself.

\- I'm so sorry Mrs Hughes.

The Housekeeper gave her a friendly squeeze on her hand:

\- It's quite alright dear. What brought this, tell me?

\- It's the boot room. I don't think I can manage going in there right now.

\- Oh. I see. Well, we'll come up with some way to avoid it. What did you need right now? I'll go fetch it for you.

\- Thank you Mrs Hughes, answered Anna, wiping her tears.

\- Go out, get some fresh air for a moment. If I see Mr Bates I'll send him to you.

Anna obliged. When she stepped outside in the courtyard, the warm caress of the sun on her face made her feel slightly better. Thomas was there, sitting on a crate, smoking his usual cigarette. He looked up when he heard her, and said:

\- Feeling better?

\- I guess, she answered in a noncommittal tone.

Looking far away in the distance, he told her:

-I know how you're feeling right now. How awful it is. The pain, the shame.

She stood there stunned at his words, watching him awkwardly looking down, his cheeks slightly flushed. It took her a little time to process and understand what he had said. How could he pretend to understand, when he was a man… Then she realized that he was not any kind of man. She thought he had never looked so vulnerable in all the years she had known him, or maybe only on the night of Lady Sybil's death. He usually never let his guard down. Why on earth was he doing it now, to tell her such personal stuff?

\- It's even worse actually, when you're a man. You really can't tell anyone. People will only laugh at you.

\- I… I'm sorry… Thomas? she said softly as she held her hand out to him.

He looked up to her and slowly brought his own hand to hers.

\- I do hope that Green fellow rots in prison.

\- Thank you.

\- Please, don't spread what I just told you?

\- Of course I won't.

He chuckled softly.

\- I know you won't. You're kind and trustworthy, unlike me.

\- You could always try being kind and trustworthy yourself you know. You only have to decide it.

\- Yeah, well, look where it got us in the first place…

\- Oh Thomas… You cannot say that.

Their conversation was cut short when John appeared through the back door, calling after her.

\- Anna, are you alright, he said, hurrying to her side.

Thomas quickly let go of her hand, and nodded to her:

\- I'd better get going.

\- Thank you Thomas, she said louder as he was going in.

John looked at her, puzzled:

\- Why on earth are you thanking him?

\- He's just been kind to me.

\- Oh.

Looking back to the door where Thomas had just disappeared, he asked:

\- Are you sure we are talking about the same Thomas Barrow?

\- Yes. You know sometimes people aren't really who we think they are…

She smiled to him and pulled on his hand:

\- Now we should be getting back to work.


	6. Chapter 6

A fortnight had passed at Downton Abbey. Mrs Hughes, Mr Bates, Dr Clarkson and Lady Mary, being the four people having witnessed Anna's state on the night if the house party, had all been interviewed by Ripon's police. Life had returned to some kind of normalcy, at least professionally for Anna. The only thing that she still could not bear was to enter the boot room. To everyone's amazement, Barrow had offered to go there for her every time she needed it. Sometimes she would take the shoes outside and do the polishing in the courtyard, or either Thomas, John or Lilly would do it for her. But she didn't like that her duties had to fall on anybody else's shoulder, and she felt guilty not being able to cross that particular hurdle. But there was nothing she could do, every time she stood on this room's threshold, a flashback would assault her. She had tried alone, with John, with Mrs Hughes, nothing worked.

That morning, she had once more stood frozen in the hallway while John had gone in to fetch her Lady Mary's riding boots. As he came out, her Ladyship's new maid, Miss Baxter, accosted them, asking about her sewing machine. Edna had left in a hurry a few days ago, Anna hadn't known why, and she really didn't care. In her few months' presence, Edna had managed to make no friends among the staff. Miss Baxter seemed much more friendly and reliable. When they had advised her to go see Mrs Hughes about the sewing machine, Anna went outside with the boots. Thomas was there, smoking his first morning cigarette.

\- Still having a hard time with the boot room? he asked

\- Yes, she admitted. I do feel foolish about it, I'll have to go back some time. I can't keep relying on everyone.

\- It'll get better… he said, dropping his cigarette stub and going back to the door.

Anna's gaze followed him as he walked back in. Since his confession, they had talked a few times in the backyard, and he had always been civil. It was rather surprising to her to have found an ally in Thomas Barrow, but it was nice to have someone who shared her experience.

After handing her the boots, Bates had gone back into the boot room to deal with his Lordship's shoes. Putting the pair on the table, he went looking for the right can of polish, brooding over his wife's lingering inability to re-enter the room. He felt so useless in helping her reaching the other end of this dark tunnel she was in. Nights were still quite difficult, and she had frequent mood swings, which he handled the best he could, but still not satisfactorily in his own opinion. As he bent down to grab a brush on a lower shelf, he noticed on the stone floor, near the table's leg, a dark patch, which he suddenly understood was a remaining stain from Anna's blood. A violent vision of what had happened at this very place materialized in his mind's eye, and bile rose in his throat while tears welled up in his eyes. As he got up, he suddenly and fiercely threw the brush on the opposite wall, roaring out his feeling of helplessness. He let his tear flow freely for a few minutes, before gathering himself and going to pick up the brush to set to work.

At the same time, Barrow had gone back inside to knock on Mr Carson's door.

\- Yes, come in! boomed the butler's voice.

Barrow entered to find him in conversation with Mrs Hughes.

\- Yes, Barrow, how can I help you? asked Carson curtly.

\- There was something I wanted to discuss with you, and you Mrs Hughes, said Barrow. It's about Anna… he added.

\- Go on… said Carson, his eyebrows raised in interest.

\- Well, I think you both noticed how she's struggling with the boot room.

\- Yes, we have, answered Mrs Hughes. But I don't see what we can do about it. Except give her time I mean.

\- I've been thinking, maybe it would be easier on her, if the room… looked different. Not the same as when, you know. So, I wanted to ask permission to refurbish it. Like, fresh paint on the walls, maybe a new colour, change the furniture arrangement, new shelves… If you'll let me of course.

Carson had a look of disbelief on his face:

\- And… you would be willing to do that? Yourself? On top of your usual duties?

\- I would.

\- That's very thoughtful of you Barrow, said Mrs Hughes.

\- Don't sound so surprised Mrs Hughes, said Barrow with a side smile.

\- Well, you'll admit that we aren't very well acquainted with that side of you, she replied.

\- So, Mr Carson? What do you say? Shall I have permission, and maybe a small budget?

\- Well alright, as long as it doesn't hinder the rest of your work.

\- It won't. Thank you Mr Carson.

Barrow nodded and left the room, leaving Carson and Mrs Hughes looking at each other, stunned.

\- My, my… said Mrs Hughes. Anna's misery seems to have touched Barrow's heart. Who would have known he had one…

\- No man is an island Mrs Hughes. Not even Thomas Barrow, concluded Mr Carson.

x x x x

That night, as she was in her bedroom changing into her night clothes, Anna knew for sure. She had felt all day that dull pain in her belly, that usually announced her cycle. Now there it was. When she had finished changing, she went downstairs and joined John who was reading on the sofa. She smiled to him, and as soon as she was sat next to him, broke into relieved tears. John startled:

\- My darling? What is it?

She sniffed and smiled again through her tears:

\- Nothing… It's just… I'm not pregnant. That's for sure now.

\- Oh Lord… I never thought I'd say that but… thank God… he sighed.

This time she snuggled close to him, and he held her as tears washed his cheeks too. In the past two weeks, she had relaxed somewhat about John's touch. She could now handle about every non-intimate touch. Hugging and cuddling were fine, but she still changed and washed outside of his presence, and there was no question about anything more intimate. When the tears started to run dry, they settled together side by side on the settee, quietly letting the relief sink in. After a moment, Anna said:

\- Lady Mary is going to London the day after tomorrow, she'll stay three days. She asked me to come with her, but she said it's fine if I want to stay here.

\- And how do you feel about it? asked John

\- I think I'll go. Maybe a short change of scenery would do me good. Although I'll miss you of course, she answered, smiling up to him.

\- Are you sure you'll handle it?

\- I think so yes. I have to start to move forward anyway.

\- Alright, if you feel up to it. This is your decision. But I'll miss you too, Mrs Bates.

He gently kissed the top of her head. They stayed in silence for a moment, until John spoke again:

\- I was thinking…

\- Yes dear?

\- I don't know, maybe it's stupid, but, when you're back from London, maybe I could… court you?

She looked at him puzzled:

\- Court me? You do know that we've been married for some time now?

He chuckled:

\- Yes, I do know indeed. But I never got to court you as I should have, and I thought maybe starting again from scratch would help us, you know… find our way back to each other? Like if we started a new story? And make some new memories? Good memories. As if all our happiness wasn't in the past…

Anna now looked at him very intently with renewed tears in her eyes. She whispered:

\- I'd like that very much.

\- Right now, I feel every moment we share is shadowed. I want to bring some light back into our lives.

\- I'm sure you will, Mr Bates, she said as she lovingly squeezed his hand.

x x x x

John had just seen Anna off to London with Lady Mary, and he came back downstairs with some mending to do for Lord Grantham. As he was about to settle at the servant's hall's table, he heard some noise in the boot room. He went to look in, and found Thomas, in shirt sleeves, putting all the old shelves down. New wood boards were lying on the floor, next to some light blue paint jars.

\- Might I ask what you're doing Mr Barrow?

Barrow looked up and wiped his dusty brow.

\- I am giving this room a lift up.

Barrow taking any extra work of his own free will seemed something very odd to John.

\- And why, exactly are you doing that? he asked curiously.

Barrow straightened and shot him a piercing look. The feud between the two of them was ancient and of public knowledge. Slowly, and pointedly, Barrow answered:

\- I am doing this for your wife, Mr Bates.

Bates stood speechless for a while. It suddenly made perfectly sense to change the room's appearance in order to help Anna overcome her difficulties. He felt both ashamed of not having thought of it, and jealous that Thomas had. When he managed to come back to his senses, he knew his feelings did not matter. Only Anna's were of importance. He shook off his jacket and waistcoat and told Barrow:

\- Alright, two will get it done faster.

Barrow's gaze lingered on him for a few seconds, until he threw a screwdriver into Bates's hands.

The two men worked, mainly in silence, exchanging only the needed words, for the three days of Anna's absence. When the rest of the staff discovered what they were up too, almost everyone came in to lend a hand. In the end, on the last afternoon before Anna was scheduled back, the new boot room was ready, with its light blue walls, its shining new shelves and new table, organized in a different way than before. Its stone floor had even been covered in ceramic tiles. It was unrecognizable. As all the staff sat down to the table for dinner that night, Bates stood up and cleared his throat:

\- Mr Carson, if you'll permit me, I'd like to say a word.

Carson nodded his permission. Bates went on:

\- I never thought I'd say that one day, but I would like to publicly thank Mr Barrow for his extremely thoughtful idea regarding the transformation of the boot room. And I would like to thank each and every person who has come in to help those last three days. It means a very great deal to me, and I can assure you it will mean an even greater deal to Anna.

With that, Bates and Barrow exchanged tight smiles, and Bates sat down. Mr Carson then spoke:

\- I must say I agree with Mr Bates. I have been very impressed by the solidarity and friendship all of you have shown. I am proud of you all.

\- Hear hear, added Mrs Hughes.

x x x x

A bit before lunch the next day, Anna came through the back door. After putting down her coat and hat, she found her husband sitting at the large table, working on the mending he had been neglecting these last few days.

\- Hello Mr Bates…

He jerked up, hearing the familiar voice.

\- Anna, you're back! How are you?

\- A bit tired, but alright I think.

She sat down next to him, and they started chatting about her London stay. A short while later, Daisy came into the servants' hall, carrying plates and cutlery to set the table for lunch. She beamed when she saw Anna:

\- Oh, Anna, you're back! Have you been to the boot room?

Anna looked back at her, puzzled:

\- Hum, no, why would I want to?

\- Oh, go look, go! squeaked the kitchen maid, excited.

Anna's eyes settled back on her husband, asking for an explanation. He smiled to her, and smirked:

\- Daisy's right, you might want to have a look.

Puzzled as ever, she slowly walked to the boot room's door, and pushed it open. Her jaw fell down as she gazed around and took in the brand new sight. Her hands shot up to her mouth and she forgot to breathe for a moment. She turned around and threw herself into her husbands' arms. Her voice wavered as she looked up to John:

\- Oh John, thank you so much! Did you do all this?!

John chuckled:

\- As much as I would like to take full credit for that, I'm afraid I haven't. First, you'll have to thank Mr Barrow for coming up with the idea, and everyone participated in the work.

\- Oh Lord, that is just wonderful, she cried happily. I must thank him, where is he?

\- I don't know… Hiding perhaps. He's not used enough to doing some good.

\- Mr Bates… she scolded him playfully, while wiping her cheeks.

\- I'm sorry darling, I cannot help it, he grinned boyishly.

Moments later, as everyone was settling for lunch, Anna caught Thomas in the hallway. She had managed to catch him not in the middle of the crowd, because she thought he would feel embarrassed if she said what she had to tell him in front of everyone.

\- Oh, Mr Barrow, there you are.

\- Yes Anna?

\- I've seen what you did on the boot room. And… it is really marvellous. Thank you so much.

She hesitated for a split second, and then circled her arms around his neck and planted a kiss on his cheek. He touched his cheek as a shy smile crept on his face.

\- I didn't think I would say that one day, but you're a good friend Thomas, she whispered.

He chuckled softly, and answered with a smirk:

\- Well, don't worry, I still dislike your husband very much. Even though we worked together on that.

\- Yes, well, I suppose some things'll never change, she concluded.

Her laugh tinkled in the air as she turned around to the servants' hall. As his eyes followed her, he felt a strange warmth fill his chest. Doing good did feel good, he noticed to himself.


	7. Chapter 7

A few weeks later, it was tea time in the servants hall. M. Carson was giving out the afternoon post. When he came to Anna, he delivered her a very official looking letter. It had a seal on it, from the Crown Prosecution Services. She looked at it, then quickly looked at her husband who was sitting next to her. Mrs Hughes saw them, and said:

\- Anna, if you would like some privacy to read this letter, may I offer you to go to my sitting room?

\- Yes, thank you Mrs Hughes, answered Anna.

She stood up and walked towards the sitting room, followed by Mr Bates.

Once the door was closed behind them, she opened the letter, and held it out so that they could read it together. When they had finished, she folded the letter, and exhaled:

\- Wow, that was unexpected.

\- Was it? asked her husband. I can't say I'm really surprised to learn that you are not the first woman he assaulted.

\- But six?!

\- Six that the police have managed to trace… I think it plausible that there are many more.

\- My God… What an evil man…

\- And he could have gone on forever if you hadn't decided to give him to the police. It was very brave of you my darling.

\- It was not I who decided to call the police may I remind you Mr Bates. It was Mrs Hughes. I wasn't brave, I just wanted to disappear…

\- Yes, you were brave my dear. It took so much courage to go and talk to the police. Thanks to you many women will be spared from meeting him in the future. And it will take even more courage to face him at the trial.

Anna stiffened at the thought of the trial. She had tried very hard to push that thought at the back of her mind since the day they had been to the police station. Over the last weeks, she had started feeling more relaxed in her everyday life. She didn't jump any more at any unexpected sound or touch, she managed to go into the new boot room without any flashback. But the thought of the trial made her tense again.

\- For what it's worth, I feel slightly better knowing I won't be the only one to be standing across him. It'll be a little less humiliating.

\- If you say so my dear. Anyway, I'll be there by your side, at any time. Because I love you.

\- I know you love me M. Bates, she smiled at him. And I love you too.

She sighed as she re-read the letter.

\- So now I guess we should really get serious on getting me a solicitor.

They had not pursued that matter since the day Anna had been to the police station and the officer had told her to.

\- Do you want me to ask Lord Grantham about Mr Murray?

Anna frowned.

\- Hum. I'm not convinced he would be the right man for this case. I'm still a bit disappointed over his handling of your case. I mean if I had waited after him you'd still be in prison.

\- You've got a point there, acknowledged Bates.

\- I'll ask Lady Mary, maybe she'll have some idea.

\- Alright.

He squeezed her hand lightly and held her back as she was starting to move towards the door. She turned back to him, a curious look on her face:

\- What?

He smiled to her:

\- I was thinking, you know, about our courting… Would you come with me to the pictures on our next half-day?

\- I would love to, she replied with a grin.

He let her go after kissing the back of her hand.

x x x x

Later, Anna was getting Lady Mary ready for the night, while telling her about the CPS letter. Lady Mary looked at her through the mirror and exclaimed:

\- Six others?! Good Lord, what a sorry excuse of a man!

\- I know my Lady, that's what I thought too.

\- Anna you should be proud of yourself, you're the one who has put an end to his evil career.

\- I don't know about that my Lady, she answered flushing. If it hadn't been for Mrs Hughes and Mr Bates, I wouldn't have.

\- Never mind that. You did it, that's what matters.

\- Speaking of which, continued Anna, I now need to find a solicitor for the trial. Would you happen to know someone who is used to handling that kind of cases? Maybe someone Mr Matthew knew?

Lady Mary thought for a moment:

\- I'm afraid I have no idea right now… I'll ask Lady Edith. Maybe she's got acquaintances of that kind with her newspaper…

\- Thank you my Lady.

x x x x

On the next Wednesday afternoon, Anna was alone at the cottage getting ready. John had instructed her to go home after lunch as their half-day began, and that he would pick her up later, as he was officially taking her on a date. She was finishing to adjust her favourite hat when she heard him knock on the door. She opened and laughed at him:

\- You silly beggar, you needn't knock to enter your own home!

\- Tss tss, I am here to pick up my fiancée for a date, he smirked, holding a bouquet of flowers in front of her.

\- Oh John, they are beautiful, thank you!

She went in to put the flowers in a vase, as he waited for her in the entrance.

\- Shall we go my darling? he asked when she was done.

\- Yes, let's, she answered, slipping her hand in the crook of the arm he was holding out to her.

John had carefully chosen a feel-good love story for them to watch, and treated her with her favourite sweets. After the movie, they went to a nice tea shop for an afternoon snack, then went for a stroll in the nearby park. He always kept the conversation light, and showered her with attention and regular loving gestures. She enjoyed a carefree afternoon, and felt like she was suddenly ten years younger. For a moment, she had a bittersweet thought that this was what they should have enjoyed years ago if Vera hadn't stepped between them, but she quickly chased that mood, determined to enjoy that moment the best she could.

Later that night, as they were getting ready for bed, John asked:

\- So, did my darling enjoy her day?

\- I did, she sighed while she let herself heavily fall on the bed in her nightgown. But I can't feel my feet any more from all that walking around, she chuckled.

\- Well, we can't have that, he answered.

He came to sit on the edge of the bed near her feet. He cheekily looked at her as he picked up one of her feet, and started tenderly massaging it. She closed her eyes and moaned in pleasure as she took in the soothing feeling of his fingers gently rubbing the sole of her foot. She settled more comfortably on the bed, ready to make the most of the moment. After a few minutes of ministrations to her left foot, she gingerly objected:

\- Mr Bates, I think the other one is getting jealous.

\- Alright, he said.

And before putting her foot down to move on to the other, he raised it to his mouth, and placed a wet, open-mouthed kiss on the pulp of each of her toes, starting with the smallest one, and going backwards to the first. Her eyes jerked open as the touch of his lips sent sparks upwards throughout her body. When she looked at him, she was met with a dark flame burning in his eyes. He slowly and very lightly licked her big toe before suckling on it. A cheeky grin lit up his face as he put down this feet, and turned his attention to the other. Butterflies settled in her belly when her right toes received the same treatment. When his work was done, he settled in the bed near Anna, and she came to rest close to his chest.

\- Thank you husband, that was heavenly, she sighed into his night shirt, her fingers toying with his chest hair.

Although she was not ready yet to act on it, she had felt under his gentle touch, the flicker of a new little flame, that she recognized as a familiar longing. She had once feared that flame was lost for ever, but it seemed to be sparkling again, if yet very fragile.

A week later, the lawyer's search had not yet been successful, and Anna was getting a bit nervous over it. Until one morning, Mr Carson handed her a letter from the morning post.

\- Here's for you Anna…

\- Thank you Mr Carson, she replied, as she looked curiously at it.

She was not expecting any post. She had no time to read it, as Lady Mary rung at that very moment. She put it in her dress pocket and went up. Later in the morning, when her mistress was dressed up for the day, she was back into the servants' hall, and started working on some sewing, until Bates came back from his duties to Lord Grantham. He sat near her and asked:

\- So, what was that letter about?

\- Oh, I had forgotten about it, she said, reaching for her pocket.

She opened it and they started reading it. It turned out it was a solicitor's office, who had already taken the case of three of Green's other victims, and who was offering its services to her as well, arguing that it made sense for all the plaintiffs to have the same attorney. Two of that firm's attorneys were working on the Green's cases, and they were offering to meet her and discuss the process. As Bates finished reading it over Anna's shoulder, he noticed:

\- Mrs Ruth Bader-Ginsburg and Mrs Gisèle Halimi? They're women?!

\- Looks like it, answered Anna.

\- I didn't even know there were such things as women attorneys…

\- I didn't either. But why shouldn't there be? If they're good enough…

\- So? Do you want to meet them?

\- Well I guess it won't hurt. We'll see if they are serious people.

During the rest of the day, the story spread throughout the house that Anna was intending on meeting with some female solicitors, and it made for the day's gossip. Downstairs, Mr Carson rolled his traditional eyes when he heard about women attorneys even existing, while Mrs Hughes laughed in his back. Upstairs at dinner, the usual feud between conservatives and progressivists went on, Lady Edith and Isobel Crawley being very enthusiastic about Anna's choice, while Lord Grantham and the Dowager Countess couldn't hide that they thought the idea preposterous.

Oblivious to everyone's opinion, Anna called the attorneys' York office, and made an appointment for the following week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I guess most english-speaking people will know who Ruth Bader-Ginsburg was (if not, Google). Gisèle Halimi was a prominent french lawyer who fought very hard for women's rights, and notably in a famous rape trial in the 70s. She helped change french laws so that rape was considered a crime and not only a minor offence. She died this year, as Mrs Bader-Ginsburg. May they both rest in peace and receive my grateful thanks.


	8. Chapter 8

Anna was nervously sitting in the richly decorated waiting room next to Mrs Bader-Ginsburg's office. John's hand was resting on her bouncing knee, trying to soothe her. He kept shooting small smiles at her, but they didn't dare talk. The only noise in the room was the staccato coming from the secretary's typewriter, and it did nothing to ease Anna's feelings. It would be the first time since her police appointment in Ripon when she would have to discuss what happened, with someone foreign moreover. She didn't look forward to it. Just as she was closing her eyes and taking one more deep breath in, the office's door opened, and the lawyer let her client out. She then turned to Anna and John:

\- Mrs Bates, good morning, so nice to meet you, she said, holding out her hand to Anna.

As they shook hands, she turned to John:

\- Mr Bates, I presume? Nice to meet you too.

John nodded to her as they shook hands to. Mrs Bader-Ginsburg was a petite woman, quite skinny, with an angular face. Her brown hair was tied back in a tight bun. Her physical appearance was not very impressive, thought John, but the determination in her eyes made up for that. Just by looking at her face, one could tell that she was not the kind of woman to bail before anyone, and especially not men. As she showed them into her office, she turned to her secretary:

\- Would you inform Mrs Halimi that we are starting our meeting with Mrs Bates please?

\- Yes Ma'am, answered the young woman, getting up to go search for the other attorney.

They had just taken their seat when they got up again as Mrs Halimi entered the office. She was younger and taller than Mrs Bader-Ginsburg, her face was softer, with freckles and auburn hair, but the determination in her looks was just the same. Just by their aura and presence, Anna felt that they were both reliable and strong-minded persons.

When they were all seated, Mrs Bader-Ginsburg started:

\- Well, Mrs Bates, you might have been surprised when you received our letter. Maybe you already have a solicitor. Maybe you were surprised that we even existed, as women attorneys.

Anna smiled:

\- Indeed I did not know there were women attorneys. But it does not bother me, as long as you're qualified. And no, I haven't got another attorney yet.

\- Well, in fact, there are rather a few of us. Less than a dozen really, in all the United Kingdom. In our firm, with Mrs Halimi, we try to focus on causes that matter regarding women's rights. And we think that your case, along with Mr Green's other victims, is quite emblematic of something that is wrong in the way men treat women. Because you must not think that what happened to you is rare. You see, the police have traced six other victims. It is very highly likely that there are some more. Unfortunately, two of them have declined to press charges, so it will be only five of you at the trial. Those two women have moved on with their lives, they do not wish to stir that story again, and we respect that. But dozens of women go through the same ordeal as you have, each day in our country. Tens of thousands each year. We want to change that. We want men to know that it's not alright to do that. And to achieve that, we have to have men condemned and sentenced for that kind of deeds. So, with your permission, as well as the other victims', we wish to make this trial a symbol. We have already met with three of the other plaintiffs, who are on board with us, and we are meeting the fifth in a few days.

Anna looked uncertain. She had never thought of herself as a symbol, or a militant. She was a discreet person, and did not crave at all for the kind of attention she was bound to receive in that trial. She would rather run away and hide. Mrs Halimi noticed her uneasiness and smiled warmly at her:

\- Mrs Bates, I can see you are nervous about all this. You don't have to decide right now. We won't lie to you and pretend it will be easy. The defence attorney will try and make you look like you're the ones to blame. There will be disturbing questions. There will be reporters. People in the street will probably call you names. But since you have filed a complaint and the CPS has decided to prosecute, there will be a trial, there's no escaping that. So we think we might as well seize the opportunity to make the best of it. What you must always remember is that _you_ have been wronged, and you have nothing to blame yourself for. My colleague and I will ensure we do our very best so that your good name is cleared in the end, and that he is condemned as the criminal he is.

Anna turned to look at her husband and whispered:

\- What do you think?

John reached for her hand:

\- I think it is not my decision to make my darling. I will support you whatever you choose to do.

Mrs Bader-Ginsburg talked again:

\- You can take some time to think on it. If you'd like, we could arrange a meeting with the other plaintiffs, so that you can get to know them.

\- I'd like that, said Anna.

After a few seconds' silence, she looked around at the posh room and added:

\- There's something else: I don't know how much you bill, but I'm not sure we can afford you. We're only servants.

\- Don't worry about that, smiled Mrs Halimi. The other plaintiffs are no richer than you. We choose to represent you pro bono. That means for free, she explained.

\- No, cut Bates. If my wife chooses you, we'll pay you. Maybe we can't afford your usual prices, but we can pay something.

\- Alright. Then we'll find a mutual agreement. But do not let that lean on your decision, Mrs Bates.

\- Thank you, said Anna. I will think over all you've said. And I would like to meet the others.

\- Very well, we'll arrange that, and we'll let you know, answered Mrs Halimi.

\- Do you know when we can expect a trial date to be settled? asked bates.

\- We should know in a few weeks. And with the usual delay, the trial should be held around the end of the year or the beginning of next year. That leaves us plenty of time to work on the case, concluded Mrs Bader-Ginsburg.

\- Thank you very much to both of you, said Anna, getting up. We won't take more of your time today.

x x x x

As they were seated in the train back from York, Anna was silent, thoughtfully looking to the sunny Yorkshire landscapes.

\- Penny for your thoughts? asked John with a smile.

She looked up to him and gave him his smile back:

\- I was thinking about what they said. I understand their point of view, and I share it. I just wish it wasn't me standing in those shoes… I'm not a women's rights champion. I'm no Lady Sybil… She was the household's hero…

John chuckled at the memory of the bright and passionate young lady.

\- Oh for sure she would have been delighted to meet those two ladies. But you know, I think no one is born a hero. It's the situations life puts you in, and the choices you make in those situations that define who you are.

\- I'm scared… You heard what they said: reporters, people calling us names… Oh Lord, how am I going to face this?

\- _We_ are going to face this, together. I'll be with you for each and every step. Let people call names, we don't care. We know who we are and what the truth is.

\- Thank you John. For being so supportive. I love you.

\- I love you too, he said, bending over and leaving a light kiss on her cheek. I was thinking, he went on with a wink, for our next date, shall we go on a picnic?

\- Oh I'd like that.

\- I know that next week, His Lordship and Lady Mary will be gone the whole day on Tuesday, so Mr Carson should let us take some time off. I'll arrange everything.

\- That'd be great, she smiled.

x x x x

\- So, those women solicitors? asked Thomas, as he entered the servants' hall where Anna was sewing.

It seemed that everywhere she went that afternoon, every people she met had a question about the women attorneys.

\- They seem serious and reliable. But I haven't made up my mind yet. I'm feeling they want me to fit in a costume that's too big for me. Women's right activist you know… I want to meet the four co-plaintiffs first.

\- I only wish Lady Sybil was still with us to see that. She would have been so enthusiastic.

\- Yes, I guess she would have, smiled Anna. I remember how she went out of her way to help Gwen. I must say I would have liked to have her by my side in all of this.

\- Well, maybe you can, said Thomas.

\- What do you mean? asked Anna, puzzled.

\- You know, her memory can be with you. In your heart.

Anna thought over Thomas's words for a few seconds, then smiled to him:

\- Yes, you're right. Since when have you become so sensitive, Thomas Barrow? she teased.

They both laughed, and straightened right away as Mr Carson entered to ring the gong.

x x x x

The following Tuesday, as the rest of the staff was gathering around the large table for lunch, John was collecting a big basket from Daisy, stuffed with all of Anna's favourites.

\- Thank you so much for the trouble Daisy!

\- You're welcome Mr Bates, enjoy your picnic! answered the kitchen maid brightly.

John met Anna in the hallway:

\- Are you ready Mrs Bates? he asked with a twinkling eye.

\- I am, Mr Bates, she answered in the same fashion.

\- Very well, let's go then.

After a short walk, they settled in a secluded part of the estate, overlooking the pond. John spread a large blanket on the grass, and started unloading the basket.

An hour later, they had eaten as much as they could, and were lazily enjoying the warm weather. John had shrugged off his jacket and opened up his waistcoat, and he had mischievously managed to abduct Anna's hat, despite her protests over propriety, arguing that he loved to see her golden hair, and that they were alone. Her protests quickly died out when he suddenly held a small gift box before her:

\- John? What is that? It is not my birthday…

\- I know, my darling. It is something I saw in a shop last time I went on errands for His Lordship, and I wanted to give to you. Just because you are the most beautiful woman on earth, and I love you so much…

\- John Bates… she scolded, but she couldn't help her heart melting.

\- Come on, open it, he insisted, handing the box to her.

She concentrated on opening the small jewel box, and her face lit up when she discovered the delicate golden bracelet, adorned with little hearts pendants scattered across it.

\- Oh John, it's lovely! she beamed. Thank you so much… But I haven't got anything for you… she frowned.

He put his hand under her chin and lifted it until they were eyes to eyes:

\- My love, a smile on your face and some light in your eyes are the best gifts I could ever dream of.

Her eyes suddenly shined with unshed tears.

\- I love you, she whispered.

He let his hand brush lightly against her cheek, then lowered it to the gift box.

\- May I put it on your wrist?

\- Yes, please!

His big fingers shuffled somewhat clumsily with the fine jewel, but in the end he managed to attach it to Anna's wrist. When it was in place, he held up her hand to his mouth, and placed a very soft kiss on the inside of her wrist, just near the bracelet. Anna brought her other hand to rest on the nape of his neck, toying with his hairline. As he let her hand down, his eyes were irresistibly attracted to her cherry lips, that she was gingerly biting. His gaze intently locked on them, as he wanted to kiss them so very much, but did not move further, in fear of pressuring her into something she wasn't ready for. But it seemed she was, since she took the lead, and bent towards him, until her mouth pressed into his, giving him their first kiss since that fateful day. He thought his heart would burst from the heavenly feeling, and it got even worse when her tongue brushed on his lips, asking for an access that he gladly granted her. He tentatively placed his hand on the small of her back, and she wordlessly encouraged him, snuggling even closer to him, her hand brushing his side under his waistcoat. When their lips finally parted, she took in a shaky breath, and lay down on the blanket, closing her eyes. She turned on her side, her arm folded under her head, and he laid himself behind her, his hand resting on her hip. After a while, he felt she was starting to doze, and started to pick out the hairpins from her bun one by one, until the golden waves were totally undone. He then spent the most glorious moment, combing through her hair with his fingers. He had always had a special infatuation for the golden cascade of her blond locks, and he felt he could have stayed a lifetime there, just passing his fingers through them. A smile crept on Anna's face as she felt the sweet prickles his touch left on her skull. A blissful afternoon if there ever was one.


	9. Chapter 9

It proved complicated for the two attorneys to organize a meeting with the five plaintiffs, since three of them lived in London, and one in Inverness. More than a month passed before a date was finally settled. But the day finally came, in mid-July, just before the family was scheduled to move to London for the Season. The solicitors had asked Anna to come without her husband at the meeting, so that the other women would not feel ashamed to tell their story in front of a man. She was the only one of them being married. But John had insisted on coming with her even if he had to wait outside during the meeting, and she had not had the heart to say no to him. To be honest she was glad not to be alone on the train journey to York and back.

When they were all settled in a cosy meeting room in the attorneys' offices, Anna looked around the large table, and noticed that all the other women looked younger than herself, and at least as nervous, if not more. The two solicitors looked at them with warm smiles, and Mrs Halimi opened the meeting:

\- Good afternoon to all of you. We have arranged this meeting today so that you can meet one another, and so that each of you can tell the others when and how you came across Mr Green. I know you are all nervous about it, and I guess this is not a story you are happy to dwell on. Just know that no one here will be judging anyone. The only person who is to blame in all your stories, is Mr Green. Afterwards, Mrs Bader-Ginsburg and I will explain to you how the trial will unfold, and answer all your questions.

There was a few whispers and nods around the table, and Mrs Bader-Ginsburg went on:

\- Now, Mrs Bates, being his most recent victim, would you like to start?

Anna's heart leapt into her mouth as her eyes met the attorney's. She had not meant to speak first. A few months might have passed since that night, but the memory was still very raw. She felt tears starting to well up in her eyes, before she even started to speak. The attorney gave her a look of encouragement, and said softly:

\- We know how hard this is on you Mrs Bates. Take all the time you need.

Anna folded her hands together in front of her, then briefly closed her eyes and inhaled deeply to steady her racing heart.

\- My name is Anna Bates. I'm a lady's maid to Lady Mary Crawley, at Downton Abbey. A few months ago, the family held a party at the big house. They had invited an opera singer for a private concert. One of the guests was Lord Gillingham. Mr Green came to stay at Downton, as his valet. He was very friendly and outgoing at first, and I responded to him in a friendly way, as I would have done with anyone. My husband however, disliked him right away. At that time I thought he was only being jealous, and that annoyed me a little. Anyway, we were friendly for the first two days of his stay. We shared a card game. My husband tried to warn me about him, but I didn't listen. I told him off. Thought he was being silly…

A tear ran down Anna's cheek at that moment, and her voice wavered a bit.

\- How I wish now I had listened to him… Anyway, the night of the concert, everyone was gathered in the House's Great Hall to listen, including all the servants. The House was empty but for the Great Hall. I had a headache, so at the end of a song, I slipped out and went down to the kitchen to get myself a powder. When I turned around, there he was. He talked nicely at first, and I didn't take offence. But then he started to suggest we might "have some real fun for once", those were his words. I told him I wanted to go back upstairs, and when I started to walk my way he blocked me. That's when I started to feel unsafe. He said he didn't believe my husband could keep me happy. You see, my husband is quite older than me, and he has a limp. So I guess he concluded I could not be happy with him, I don't know. But I was, I am, I love him very much. Anyway, when I told him off, he forced a kiss on me. I was quite shocked, and before I could get back to my senses, he punched me in the face…

At that moment, Anna hid her face into her hands, as a quiet sob shook her body. The following words came out quite disorderly, in between sobs.

\- He… grabbed at my hair… and dragged me… into the boot room… Slammed my head on the floor. After that, I was so dizzy, I didn't… have the strength to fight him off. I screamed… but with the music and all… no one heard…

She sniffed as she came to the end of her story, and searched her purse for her handkerchief. She found she could not look up to the others, even though she knew the same had happened to them. When she had wiped her face, Mrs Halimi said gently:

\- Thank you Mrs Bates. We all know how hard it is for you to share this.

The young woman sitting across Anna, who was dark-haired and plump, asked her:

\- Your man, he stuck by you after that?

Anna looked at her, puzzled:

\- Yes, he did, why?

\- Well, then you're luckier than I was. My fiancé left me when he heard.

Mrs Bader-Ginsburg asked the young woman:

\- Ms Foster, would you like to tell us now?

Her brown eyes had a dark and cold light in them. She looked angry at the world.

\- Alright. My name is Sybil Foster. I am twenty-three years old. I am a primary school teacher in Wimbledon. Last year, I attended my cousin's wedding in London. I was having a hell of a time, having fun with my siblings and cousins. One of my cousins introduced us to his friend, this Mr Alex Green. I don't know if he had really been invited or if he had managed to crash himself on the party, but there he was, all honey-tongued and smileys. We talked a bit, I didn't pay too much attention to him at first. At one time during the evening, I went to the ladies' room. When I got out, he was waiting for me in the hallway, and started hitting on me, quite like he did to Mrs Bates… I told him I wasn't interested, that I was engaged, but well… as we just heard, the man doesn't hear no as an answer. Next thing I knew he had me closed up in a storage room and… there you go. You know how it ends.

She kept clenching and unclenching her fists as she spoke. There was no trace of tears in her eyes.

\- Obviously I was shocked after that. I had never been with a man before.

Anna winced at the thought that this had been that poor girl's first intercourse with a man. How was she supposed to ever trust any man after that, she thought to herself.

\- I started acting distant and weird with my fiancé, and when he asked me questions… At first I tried to hide it, but then I didn't manage to hold it secret any longer, and I told him. He became very cold, and walked away from me. A few days later, he told me he couldn't marry a woman who had already been with another man. He didn't believe me when I said Green had forced me. He called me a whore.

She pursed her lips and an angry flame danced in her eyes.

\- I loved that man, she concluded coldly. And he turned me away. That's why I said you have been luckier, Mrs Bates.

Anna gave her a small smile.

\- I do know that I am lucky to have my husband, Ms Foster. I'm so sorry for how it went for you.

Ms Foster nodded curtly.

During the heavy silence that unfolded next, a light whisper made itself heard. Looking around, Anna noticed that it came from the youngest-looking of the women, and the one who looked the most afraid. She was small and thin, with auburn hair and light green eyes. Her brow was furrowed, and her hands played nervously in front of her, as if she was mustering her every strength to speak without falling apart:

\- My name is Laura Nielson, I am twenty-two years old. It happened three years ago. I was a housemaid in a London house. He came in as visiting valet, just like Mrs Bates. He was also nice at first, kept flirting with me, flattering me. He even offered me flowers once. Then one day he came to me while I was alone cleaning the laundry room. Usually we would always work by twos, but that day the other housemaid was sick, so I was working alone.

Tears started running down her face.

\- He got me pregnant…

Anna gasped at the girl's words. The thing she had feared the most, had happened to that poor girl, who was not much more than a child at the time. She felt her heart constrict in her chest, as well as anger at Green's deeds.

\- When the Housekeeper found out I was pregnant, I got dismissed. When I came back to my parents' house, and told them the story, they wouldn't take me back. Didn't believe me neither. I found some day work this way and that, hiding that I was pregnant. Then I had to give my baby up to adoption.

She nervously wiped her tears.

\- I miss her so much, she cried. But at least I know she has a good family.

\- What about you now? asked Anna softly. How do you live?

\- I have found a place in a factory. It's hard, but I have enough to eat.

Anna sadly shook her head. That man had destroyed that poor girl's life. He was a real devil. Determination was steadily growing inside her, to make him pay. To demand justice.

x x x x

\- And then, there was Ms Suzy Jackson, she's the daughter of the gardener at Lord Gillingham's estate in Inverness, continued Anna, holding her steaming cup of tea while narrating the meeting to John.

They had stopped at a tea shop to debrief while they waited for their return train.

\- At least, he took the trouble to take her out on a date, and he assaulted her in the woods as they were walking back to her house. And the last one was Ms Angela Black. She worked in a grocery shop in London near Green's last employer before Lord Gillingham. He came to her shop almost every day, until he caught her alone in the backyard while she was sorting out some orders. She also lost her job after that. The more I listened to them, the more I realized, in my misery, how lucky I had been. I mean, I still have my job, I have my employer's support. And I have not lost you either.

John brought his hand to hers.

\- Anna, I pledged myself to you for better or worse, until death do us part. You know the only way you could lose me is if I died.

Anna smiled sadly.

\- I know. And I love you for that. You could have divorced me, said I was an adulterous woman.

Hearing the other women's tales had toughened Anna, it had strengthened her resolution to stand up to him. She felt she owed it to those younger women, whose lives had been wrecked up so badly. She put her cup back on the table, clenched her fist and looked at John with a determined gleam in her eyes.

\- I'm going to do this John. We, all together, are going to do this. He enjoys forcing his power onto women, not caring a bit about ruining their lives. Well now I want to see him powerless. We are going to bring him down, she said fiercely.

\- I have no doubt you will my darling. I have already witnessed how strong-headed you can be when you set your mind to something. At least twice, he added with a twinkle in his eyes.

\- Mrs Halimi told us we needed to turn all the pain and shame we were holding inside us into righteous anger. And she's right. Right now I feel righteously angry. I want to see him bite the dust for what he did to us all.

\- I understand, replied John. I myself would have liked nothing more that to have him literally bite the dust that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The names of the other plaintiffs have not been chosen by chance. Let me know if you recognize them! ;))


	10. Chapter 10

\- So, Anna, tell me about this meeting of yours? asked Lady Mary that evening as Anna was dressing her for dinner.

\- Oh, well, it was… very emotional, but strengthening.

\- Really?

\- I listened to all those women telling their stories, and they are all younger than me, and he's done so much wrong to them… Some have lost their jobs, one has lost her fiancé, one has even had a child that she's had to give up to adoption. It made me so angry at Green. Now I feel like I owe them to stand with them. So I've decided to go on with these attorneys.

\- Oh Lord, that's awful… Poor girls…

\- Yes. I realized how, in my bad luck to meet Green I have still been relatively lucky, to have your support and Mr Bates's. That's not so common.

\- Of course you have my support, and you'll have it at the trial.

\- Thank you my Lady, she smiled. I know it will be hard to face him, and the judge, the jury and everything but…

\- But what? enquired Lady Mary when Anna did not finish her sentence.

\- But, when I feel myself wavering in my determination, I think of Lady Sybil.

\- Lady Sybil?

\- Yes. I remember how passionate she was about women's rights, and I want her to be proud of me. Her memory gives me strength.

\- Oh, I understand, said Lady Mary in a pensive voice.

She felt a lump in her throat at the sudden memory of her younger sister.

\- Dear Sybil, she went on. She surely would have been passionate over this trial.

x x x x

Later that night, at the cottage, Anna was sitting on the edge of her bed, in her nightgown, lost in her thoughts over the meeting, when John entered the bedroom, coming back from the bathroom. He looked at her, and silently climbed on his side of the bed, then came to sit himself behind her, one leg on each side of her. He gently rested his hands on her shoulders, and whispered in her ear:

\- You seem tense, my love.

\- I'm alright, she murmured back. Just need a little time to process everything.

He left a few feather-light kisses on the side of her neck, just below her ear, and she sighed contentedly, tilting her head on the side. He shifted his hands from her shoulders to her neck and started slowly massaging her tense muscles. But he soon grew frustrated by the small amount of skin available to his touch, so he went down her front and undid the first buttons of her nightgown. He then moved the cloth a bit downwards so that her shoulders, collarbones and upper back were uncovered. She closed her eyes and relished on his sweet touch, as his hands roamed the area, half-caress, half-massage, regularly punctuated with soft kisses. Without venturing on any more intimate parts of her body, he managed to make this the most sensual moment they had shared in all those months. After a moment, he circled his arms around her waist, and linked his hands on her stomach, his cheek resting on the back of her shoulder.

\- I love you Anna, he whispered.

She rested the back of her head on his shoulder, her hands coming to meet his on her belly.

\- I love you too John. And I'm sorry.

\- Why ever would you be sorry?

\- I'm sorry that I can't… you know… give you more.

\- Oh, that. There's nothing to be sorry for. I'll wait for you for as long as you need. And if it has to be forever… So be it.

She gasped lightly at his suggestion.

\- Oh Lord, I hope not forever. I miss us.

And that was true. Even if she felt intimidated right now, she missed the blissful moments of intense pleasure they had been used to sharing, before.

\- Don't worry love. We'll get there. One step at a time. I have faith.

\- Thank you for being so patient.

\- I don't know how else I could be.

\- As my husband, you'd be entitled to ask for your due.

He shivered at the thought that he could force Anna into something she wouldn't be comfortable with.

\- That would make me just as bad as him…

\- But society would not blame you for it.

\- I know I would. What kind of husband would I be if I put my own needs before yours…

A very regular one, thought Anna, disillusioned. She turned her head to kiss his cheek.

\- Thank you anyway. You have been my lighthouse in the storm. And you're right, we'll get there. All storms come to their end.

x x x x

The family and their servants had moved to Crawley House for the Season, and the upcoming presentation of Lady Rose to the Queen. That day, Mrs Patmore and her assistants were frantically working on the preparations for the later "at-home" party, and Anna was helping them, when John bent over her shoulder and whispered in her ear:

\- Tomorrow, while they're at the Ball, I'm taking you out to dinner.

Anna turned round to face him, beaming:

\- Oh, I'd love that, yes!

The lodgings were cramped in Crawley House's servants quarters, but Mrs Hughes had managed to convince Mr Carson to let them share a room. Even though said room was tiny and equipped only with two one-person beds, it was better than having to sleep apart, which Anna had dreaded very much. On their first night there, they had stood silently in front of the two beds for a few seconds, then, without a word being said, they had both begun pushing the side of the beds to join them together.

The next day, after they had seen the Crawleys off to the Ball, they both changed into their finest Sunday outfits, and left Crawley House for the restaurant John had booked. It was not far away from the House, in a nice neighbourhood, cosy enough but not too posh so that they wouldn't feel out of place. They spent a nice time, talking about light subjects like the decorum around the young lady's presentation to the Royals and all those strange upper classes traditions. After the meal, since they still had time before the family was scheduled home, they took a stroll in a nearby park. The day was still bright on this late July evening, and the weather was warm. After enjoying each other's company in silence for a few minutes, John asked:

\- Anna? There's something I wanted to discuss with you. But I didn't want to do it in the restaurant, because it's too private.

\- What is it? she replied curiously as she looked up to him.

\- I…

He hesitated a few seconds, then started again:

\- I wish you would tell me, how you feel about… us being together, you know, intimately. What are your fears, what's holding you back. So that maybe, I can help you move forward.

Anna stopped walking, and felt her cheeks redden. Her feelings about that were such a tangled mess, and so contradictory, she didn't even know how to put them in order into comprehensible words, and then how could she utter them out loud to him? As she looked down nervously, John put his hand under her chin and gently lifted it so that they were eye to eye.

\- My darling, you have nothing to fear from me. Nothing you confess can make me love you less. I just want to understand what's going on for you.

He took her hand into his, and led her to a nearby bench where they both sat. Anna still looked tense, and she kept twisting her wedding ring around her finger. He let her think for a while, until she took in a deep breath and started in an uneven voice:

\- Well, first, I… I'm afraid you'll see me differently now. You know, that somehow it'll show on my body that I'm… stained in some way. No longer pure as I was for you on the day of our wedding. Because… that night, he made me feel so dirty, so ruined. It's so deeply marked inside of me, I can't think that it doesn't show on me.

Her words shattered his heart, and a renewed rage at Green filled him. He circled her shoulders with his arm and took her head in the crook of his neck.

\- Anna Bates, please cast that fear away. You are, you have always been and you will always be the world's most beautiful woman in my eyes. You are not stained or ruined or any such thing. Nothing can ever make you less valuable to me. You are the most precious person in my life, before, now and forever. Your soul is the purest, and your body is the shining image of that. If possible you are even more valuable to me now because you are such a strong survivor and I know you will fight your way to justice.

He bent over her to kiss her hair, as she whispered:

\- Thank you John.

He felt something wet on his chest, and knew she was crying. He handed her his handkerchief, and she sniffed before saying:

\- There's something else. That night, he made me feel so powerless, like I was just… a thing. I felt invaded. Like I was being broken into. I know it is nothing like that when we are together, but I'm afraid of having flashbacks of that feeling.

\- I understand… Maybe we could… find some ways to start in which you can control things. We don't need to do the whole thing at once. I don't need to, you know… come inside you right away. You can decide what you want and how you want it. And if it ever becomes uncomfortable or too much to bear, you only need to say it and we'll stop.

Anna lifted her gaze to him and smiled:

\- You're the most precious person in my life too. I love you so much.

Her hand crept on the back of his neck and she pulled him into the most intimate kiss that she dared give him in a public place. When their lips parted, she smiled and whispered:

\- We should head back or we'll be late.

x x x x

When the family came back from their party, Lord Grantham went straight to bed, whereas Lady Mary kept Anna with chatter over what had happened during the evening. So when Anna came back to their room, John was already in his pyjamas, reading in bed.

\- Look at you, chuckled Anna. A creature of leisure.

\- His Lordship wasn't in a chatty mood tonight, so we were done rather quickly.

He was getting up from the bed and reaching for his robe, as he said:

\- I'll wait outside while you change.

But she grabbed his sleeve as he was passing by her, and led him back to the bed.

\- No. Don't.

His eyes widened as he sat on the edge of the bed.

\- Are you sure?

\- Hush, she said, silencing him with a finger on his lips. Please, don't talk. Let me be in control.

He obliged, and watched intently as she undressed in front of him. When she was down to her shift, she stood in front of him, looked him in the eyes, and started undoing the front buttons. The flame of desire she saw dancing in his eyes made the butterflies in her stomach flutter. She did feel beautiful when he looked at her that way. When her shirt was opened down to her navel, she came nearer and straddled his lap. Her hands on his cheeks, she kissed him as deep as she would have liked to do in the park, but hadn't dared to. Their tongues quickly found each other and he moaned softly in her mouth as his hands settled on her hips. When they parted, she took one of his hands, and, still looking straight at him, she came to put it on her breast. His mouth started exploring the side of her neck and shoulder, while his fingers gently teased her breast. He marvelled at that touch he had missed so much, that sweet breast that filled the inside of his palm so perfectly. She gasped and a little cry escaped her throat when his thumb brushed across her nipple. She remembered now how his touch managed to set her on fire so expertly. Tears welled up in her eyes at the heavenly feeling. She lifted her hands to his cheeks once more, and bent backwards a little as she led his head down to her other breast. He was only too happy to take her other nipple into his lips and lovingly suckle on it. The hand that was not working on her breast settled on the small on her back, holding her close to him. He smiled on her nipple when a tear falling from her face landed on his own cheek. He stopped his work for a second, just enough to whisper in her ear:

\- Are you alright love?

\- More than alright, she answered in a sigh. Please, keep it up.

He obeyed gladly and showered her breasts with attention for a while longer, until she grabbed his head again and brought him up into another deep kiss. She decided when she wanted to break the contact, and nestled her head on the side of his neck, hugging him fiercely.

\- Thank you John, she murmured against his skin.

\- You're welcome darling, he replied, stroking her hair. My pleasure, truly.

She smiled, knowing that when the time would come, she would cross the last hurdles. They would get there, together.


	11. Chapter 11

\- So, Mrs Bates, tell me, how did you get acquainted with Mr Green? asked Mrs Bader-Ginsburg.

It was the end of September, and Anna was meeting her attorneys for the third time since she had met the other victims and officially hired them. After spending some time explaining to her in details how the court worked and how the trial would unfold, they had now started preparing her for her testimony. The goal was to make Anna tell her story so many times that it would become automatic, and to give her a chance to be prepared for the unpleasant questions the defence attorney was bound to ask. Once more, Anna started telling them about the two days before the attack happened, how Green had flirted with her and how she had responded in a friendly and good-natured way.

\- And you don’t think that somehow, at some point, you said, or did something that led Mr Green on? That made him think you were open to some extra-marital activities?

Anna frowned, and answered hotly:

\- Of course not! I would never do that! I only chatted with him in a friendly way, that’s all. I never meant anything more.

She started rubbing her eyes with her fingertips and sighed.

\- I’m sorry Mrs Bates, said Mrs Bader-Ginsburg. I know this is tedious, but it’s necessary. You have to be prepared. The defence will try to put the blame on you.

\- I know, I know. Alright, let’s go on.

\- What were you wearing that night?

\- My service uniform.

\- That’s good, because the defence won’t be able to argue that you were dressed “provocatively”.

\- I never dress provocatively.

\- And even if you did, that would be no excuse to assault you, but that’s something men often use to justify their misdeeds. I believe your torn clothes have been retained as evidence by the police.

\- Yes.

\- That’s good. That will help us tremendously, along with your doctor’s report and testimony. That was very clever of you to hand them to the police.

\- That has really nothing to do with me… Mrs Hughes, the Housekeeper decided of that.

\- Well she was well-advised.

Half an hour later, Anna and John were on the return train to Downton. They were becoming familiar with that particular journey as time went by and they went to York regularly. Anna was sitting at John’s side, her head resting on his shoulder, and her hand was nestled in his. She sighed:

\- I wish this trial would begin soon, so that we can finally put all that behind us. I feel like it’s holding me back.

\- We should know soon enough. Didn’t Mrs Halimi say the date was to be set this week?

\- Yes she did.

As they entered the Servants’ Hall just before the gong hour, Mr Carson called after Anna.

\- Oh, Anna, you’re back. There was a letter for you on the afternoon post. Looks official, he said, handing her the CPS marked envelope.

\- Thank you Mr Carson.

She tore at it and started quickly reading it as the Butler headed to ring the gong.

\- January the fifteenth… she sighed when she was done. More than three more months waiting…

John gently squeezed her shoulder.

\- It’ll soon be there, you’ll see.

\- Not that I’m looking forward to it really, but… at least when it’ll be over we can finally really move on. Anyway, she concluded, folding the letter and putting it in her pocket, we should go, we don’t want to keep them waiting.

***

\- Good evening my Lady.

\- Good evening Anna, responded Lady Mary with a warm smile. How was your meeting today?

\- It’s… trying, but necessary, or so the attorneys say. They want me to be well-prepared for my public testimony before the Court.

\- I guess it can’t hurt to be prepared. Maybe if Papa or Mrs Hughes had been prepped by an attorney before testifying at your husband’s trial, it would have gone differently.

\- Who knows… wondered Anna. Anyway, I think they’ll want to see you, and Mrs Hughes too, at some point before the trial. Since you’re both listed as accusation witnesses.

\- Alright, I’ll go if they ask me.

\- Thank you my Lady. I am so very grateful for your support.

\- Oh nonsense Anna. You’ve earned it fair and square, keeping my secrets, carrying this poor Turkish gentleman in the dead of night…

Anna chuckled at the memory.

\- We’ve had our moments, haven’t we my Lady…

\- We certainly have. And this will be our next moment. We are going to put that sorry excuse of a man behind bars, for a long time hopefully. Have you had any news on the date of the trial?

\- Oh, yes, indeed, I just received the CPS letter, answered Anna, pulling the envelope out of her pocket and showing it to Lady Mary. It’s scheduled to begin on January the fifteenth, and it should last for three days, they say.

\- January… I had hoped for you it would be over by Christmas.

\- I had hoped too, but well. We’ll have to make do with this.

Having finished getting her ready, Anna looked up to Lady Mary through her mirror and asked:

\- Will that be all my Lady?

\- Yes, thank you Anna. See you later.

Anna nodded and left the room.

***

Later that night, Anna and John were walking back to the cottage, in the light chill of that early Autumn. They were silently going hand in hand, but Anna sighed several times, until John asked:

\- What is it love? You seem disturbed.

\- Nothing, it’s just… I’m tired of being reminded of it everyday. I wish I could fast-forward time until next year, and just have it done with. I’m tired of having to go to York every now and then, of those endless questions… And at the same time, as anxious as I am for it to be over, each time I picture myself having to talk about it in front of the whole Court, I feel sick to my stomach. Just the thought of seeing his face again…

\- It will surely be hard my darling, but you’ll have me and several other people around you to support you. Lady Mary, Mrs Hughes, the attorneys. The other victims. Just try and remember why you want to do it.

\- Yes, you’re right, they need me. We have to have justice served.

As they were coming to the cottage’s door, John opened and stood back to let her in, then helped her out of her coat and hat. When he had hanged them off the hook, he bent down near her ear and whispered:

\- Would you like some tea, or might I offer you something a little more… racy, to take your mind off things, Mrs Bates?

They had made some progress in the previous weeks regarding intimacy, and there had been some shared pleasure, but they had not yet made it to the point where they could have a full physical relationship, nor reached a satisfying conclusion otherwise. Hearing John’s suggestion, Anna looked back at him with a crooked smile, and decided to play coy:

\- Why, Mr Bates, I wonder what you have in mind…

\- Something that could be agreeable to you Mrs Bates, he answered mysteriously. That is, only if you want to, of course.

Anna didn’t know what specific idea he was thinking of, but by now she had learnt to be trusting again, and she knew that if she ever told him no he would not insist. So she thought to herself that maybe it was time that she relented a little bit of control to him. She knew he would never use it against her, and that he would ask for her permission before crossing any major step.

\- Alright, I’m curious Mr Bates, she smirked.

\- I suggest we head upstairs then, Mrs Bates. As much as I would enjoy sweeping you off your feet to carry you up the stairs, I’m afraid it would not end well…

It was their own little game to call each other Mr and Mrs Bates prior to intimate moments. Anna could never tire of hearing him say her married name out loud, even after several years. With a naughty smile, he took her hand and led her to their bedroom. He stripped of his waistcoat and shirt (the jacket had been discarded downstairs), then turned around to her.

\- Come here, love, he whispered.

And with the gentlest moves, he started to undress her. Her heart was racing in her chest when he had taken off every item of clothing but her shift and undergarments. He brushed her flushed cheek with the back of his hand, and asked:

\- May I go on?

Anna closed her eyes and inhaled a shaky breath, then looked at him with a confident smile:

\- Yes, she breathed.

He lifted her shift over her head, and then proceeded to rid her of the last pieces. Her cheeks were now burning so bright that the dim room seemed to lighten up. Her eyes stayed fixed on the ground, until he lifted her chin to make her look at him.

\- Anna, my beloved wife, you are so very very beautiful and I am so very very lucky to have you.

Her eyes shone with unshed tears, and she uttered a little surprised cry as he did sweep her off her feet and gently sat her on the edge of the bed. He stood in front of her, bending upon her to deposit wet kisses just above her collarbone. She took his head into her hands and brought him to her mouth to offer him a kiss, but he quickly broke the contact, and put his hands on her knees, to pull them gently apart. He came closer and knelt in front of her, between her legs. She grabbed his arms and tried to make him stand up, objecting in a worried tone:

\- John, your knee! You’re going to hurt yourself.

But he shook his head, and silenced her with a kiss on her lips.

\- Don’t worry my love. Just enjoy. And let me know if anything bothers you, alright?

Kneeling down in front of her, his head was just in front of her breasts, which he took advantage of for a start. While his mouth took care of each of them in turn, his hands were slowly roaming the inside of her thighs, threading small circles from her knees up, carefully approaching her center, but not yet touching it. Her breath was becoming shakier, and he felt like moving on to the next step. Putting both his hands on her hips, he made her sit back a little, then kissed his way down to her belly button, while pushing her gently backwards.

\- Lie down, darling.

She obliged, and folded her legs to put her feet up on the edge of the bed. For a moment, he continued stroking her inner thighs and belly. Anna closed her eyes and relaxed. Just the feel of his breath on her most sensitive areas made the fire inside her burn wild. She whimpered and her hands seized a fistful of sheet when his lips softly made contact with the place where she ached for it so much.

\- Oh Lord, she sighed.

A few minutes of expert work with his tongue, lips and fingers fuelled the fire into a raging blaze, until she was close to oblivion. He knew he could easily take her over the edge by slipping two fingers inside of her, but he suddenly feared that she was not ready for this, and that it would trigger her. He lifted his head just a second, and looked at her hesitantly. She heard his untold question, and nodded to him her permission. He smiled and got back to his task, and when he felt it right, entered into her. She arched her hips to welcome the rediscovered sensation. He marvelled at the little sounds she made as he built her up for the final act. As expected, it didn’t take long until she cried:

\- Oh good God, John!

And he felt her convulsing under his touch. He smiled to himself as he slowly guided her down her high. He winced as he got up again, he had indeed strained his knee, but he couldn’t care less, the result was well worth the inconvenient. When he laid at her side on the bed, he saw that she had hidden her face in her hands and her shoulders were shaking. He kissed her shoulder and whispered:

\- Are you alright my love?

She only nodded, while she let the wild emotion that was rushing through her at that moment wash away. When she put her hands away, he finally got a look at her tears-washed face, and he saw the brightest of smiles on it. She pulled him into a fierce kiss, before whispering to his ear:

\- Thank you John, so much. There was a time when I thought I could never feel that bliss again. Thank you for bringing me back from the darkness.

\- I am very happy to have been able to give that to you again. See, that wonderful body of yours is working just fine, he joked. I love you so much Anna.

\- I love you too.

As she was slumbering into contented sleep a little while later, she though of John’s birthday coming the following week, and she knew she wanted to offer herself to him on that very day. A light smile lingered on her face as she dozed in his arms, while his hand lovingly combed through her hair.


	12. Chapter 12

\- You seem bouncy tonight Anna? inquired Lady Mary as she was getting ready for dinner.

\- I'm looking forward to tomorrow my Lady, smiled the Lady's maid.

\- Why is that?

\- You know I changed Mr Bates's and my half-day for tomorrow? It is Mr Bates's birthday, and I have a special day planned.

\- Oh, I see. That's sweet.

\- He has been so good to me in those past few months, I felt like I needed to do something special.

\- Well I'm glad to know things are good between you two.

\- Thank you my Lady. Everything's not solved and gone away but… we're going forward.

Anna took a moment in silence to arrange Lady Mary's hair, before asking:

\- And… you went to York today? How did it go?

\- Oh yes. I must say, your attorneys are really interesting women. I've been impressed. Anyway, they briefed me on the trial and all. But I'm not one of the most crucial witnesses, I saw you a bit later. Mrs Hughes and Dr Clarkson will really make the deal, if you want my opinion. And you of course.

\- I do hope so, answered Anna thoughtfully. But all the same, thank you so much for taking the trouble my Lady.

x x x x

It was lunchtime the next day, and Bates was coming back from his Lordship's dressing-room for lunch in the servants' hall. He scanned the hall in search of Anna, but did not find her.

\- Mrs Hughes, have you seen Anna? he asked the Housekeeper.

He knew that Anna had arranged for both of them to have their half-day that afternoon, but half-days usually began after lunch. However, Anna had negotiated otherwise with Mrs Hughes and Mr Carson, and she was already at the cottage, waiting for him, though he didn't know that.

\- Mr Bates, I think Anna has already gone back to the cottage, you should join her there, answered Mrs Hughes with a smile.

\- To the cottage? Already? But…, he said, puzzled.

\- I think she has planned something for your birthday, added Ms Baxter with a friendly smile.

\- Oh. And, you and Mr Carson agreed on us leaving before lunch, Mrs Hughes?

\- We did. You deserve a little quality time together, Mr Bates. Go.

\- Alright, thank you. And good afternoon then, he said, going to fetch his coat and hat.

As he came near the cottage, a delicious smell made his stomach grumble. So, Anna had cooked a birthday lunch. He entered the house and called in:

\- Anna?

She appeared from the kitchen, wearing an apron.

\- Yes darling.

\- You little minx, you didn't tell me you had lunch at home planned!

\- Well, how would it have been a surprise if I had told you?

He circled an arm around her waist and kissed her.

\- It smells so good… Did you do it all?

She chuckled.

\- I must confess that I have relied a little bit on Daisy… But I helped her, yesterday afternoon.

\- This is such a good idea!

He looked at her at arms' length and noticed the clothes she was wearing underneath the apron.

\- Aren't those the same clothes you wore on our wedding day?

She flushed a little bit, and smiled:

\- I wondered if you would remember. Yes, they are.

\- I will never forget how radiant you looked on that day my darling. And still today, he added, kissing her forehead.

\- You're a flatterer Mr Bates! she chuckled. Come in, it's ready, we should not let it wait.

She pulled on his hand, and led him to the kitchen. She had laid a fancy table, with a delicate table cloth, fancy plates and cutlery she had obviously borrowed from the Abbey since they didn't own such at the cottage. There were candles and a flower arrangement carefully disposed on the table.

\- Oh, Anna, this is beautiful. You shouldn't have taken such trouble.

\- Oh, and why shouldn't I take a little trouble to celebrate my beloved husband's birthday?

He laughed.

\- Alright, you win. Let's taste this, I am famished.

\- Great! Sit down.

She took the dish from the oven and served their plates. She made a point to keep the conversation light and away from the trial subject. They managed to enjoy a nice and simple intimate moment, leaving behind for a while the shadows that had kept tailing them for the last months. When they had finished the main course, before serving dessert, Anna fetched a small box and handed it to John.

\- Happy birthday John, she smiled shyly.

\- Oh, Anna, you shouldn't…

\- Please, stop telling me what I should or shouldn't do for you, John, or I'll get crossed! she said pointedly.

He held his hands up, admitting defeat.

\- Alright my love, thank you very much, he said, accepting the gift with a warm smile.

He concentrated a moment on opening the gift, and his eyes grew wide when he discovered the delicately crafted pocket watch.

\- Anna… It is wonderful! I love it, he said, getting up to kiss her.

Before he could, she stopped him and said:

\- Look at the back of it.

He turned the watch around and noticed that she had had some words carved on it. He whispered:

\- "Love always, your Anna".

He felt his eyes water, and his voice wavered slightly:

\- Oh darling, thank you so much.

He put the watch carefully back into the box and on the table, before lifting her off her feet into a tight embrace.

\- I love you, he murmured against her neck.

\- I love you too.

When he had put her back on the floor, she quickly wiped her eyes and said:

\- Should we eat dessert now? This I made myself. Under Daisy's supervision.

\- Nice, he replied. Let's taste it then.

After finishing their lunch, they had settled quietly into the settee, with steaming cups of tea, and Anna had enjoyed John reading to her a chapter of the novel they had started a few days ago. It was a habit of theirs, which she loved. He would read out loud while she would knit or sew something. The sound of his voice had a soothing effect on her, and they would discuss their respective views on the storyline or characters. When John came to the end of the chapter, she gathered her courage, and took the book out of his hands to put it back on the table.

\- Don't you want me to go on? he asked.

\- Maybe later. Right now, there's another gift I'd like to give you.

\- What? Another?

She flushed a little and answered:

\- This one you'll unwrap upstairs.

He looked a bit puzzled, but followed her upstairs. She entered the bedroom, then boldly stood in front of him. He looked around the room, and asked:

\- So? Where is it?

She chuckled. Men really could be thick sometimes. Even her beloved husband. She made a hand gesture to show herself.

\- It is I, you silly beggar. I want you to make me yours again.

Comprehension dawned on him, and he looked at her, worried:

\- Oh, Anna, are you sure you want to do this?

\- This is why I dressed like I did on our wedding day. This is going to be our second wedding night. Even if it's three o'clock in the afternoon.

John smiled, and brought his hand to her cheek.

\- Alright…

Her hand came to rest on the back of his, and she looked up to him, trust shining in her eyes.

\- Just bear in mind that I'm about as nervous as I was on our first wedding night. But it went well in the end.

John laughed at the sweet memory.

\- We could say that indeed. "Well" is rather an understatement if you ask me.

\- So, I'm confident that it will be alright this time too. I have faith.

\- I have the greatest faith in you my darling.

\- Now, listen to me. You say you have faith in me, so please, don't ask me every other minute if I'm sure, if I'm alright, if I really want this or that. It only makes me more nervous. I know you do it out of concern for me, and I'm grateful for it, but I don't need it right now. I need you to trust me to know what my limits are, and to tell you if needed. Alright? I just want you to act normally. If something comes up, I'll let you know. I swear.

He looked at her intently, and softly answered:

\- Alright. I understand.

\- Thank you.

With that, she put her hands on the back of his neck, and pulled him into a kiss. She soon pulled him onto the bed and they laid side by side. He trailed kisses in the crook of her neck while his hand undid her white blouse's buttons

\- You are so beautiful Anna, I want you so much, he whispered huskily in her ear.

His words sent tingles down her spine, and she breathed back:

\- I know, I want you too. I am yours, and you are mine.

\- For ever my love. May I unwrap my gift completely? he teased

\- Please, do.

He got her rid of her clothes gently, but efficiently, until his eyes met with the garter. He looked up at her and she gave him a saucy look.

\- So you did plot this to the smallest details, did you? he smirked.

\- I might have…

\- It's been such a long time since I've seen this beauty, I must inspect it closer, he said, bending upon her.

He started lining wet kisses on her skin just above the garter, and she closed her eyes, moaning. She opened her eyes when she felt his mouth leave her skin.

\- I think I need to unwrap myself too, said John, sitting upright on the bed.

\- Let me help you, she said, getting him rid of his shirt and undershirt.

Her hands hungrily roamed his chest and back while he worked on losing his pants. Soon they found themselves naked under the covers. The feeling of his naked body brushing on hers felt glorious, and she knew he was feeling just the same when her hand closed around him and started teasing. He inhaled sharply and mouthed:

\- Oh God Anna… Please, easy, it's been more than six months… We don't want to hurry too much.

\- I'm sorry, she whispered, releasing her grip.

\- It's alright love. Please, let me take care of you. That would be my best gift.

\- How can I say no to that, she chuckled.

She laid back and surrendered herself to his attentions. Six months may have passed but he had not forgotten what set her on fire. She enjoyed his ministrations for a good while, then suddenly felt it was time. She turned around and climbed up on him, straddling him. She bent upon him and nibbled on his earlobe:

\- Now it's my turn to lead, she whispered.

She straightened up and saw the look of wonder and worship on his face, and a smile dawned on hers. This felt good, and she was not afraid. This was were she was meant to be. This was home. She moved on top of him and took him inside her, and she marvelled at how right it felt. It didn't feel foreign or alien. On the contrary, she felt he was filling up the last piece of her that was missing. He was making her complete. His hands settled on her hips, and his thumbs started drawing small circles on the skin of her belly. She felt powerful when she started moving and read pleasure and anticipation on his face. She moved on her own rhythm for a while, and when they were almost there, he suddenly sat up, and held on her so tight, his lips finding hers, tongues dancing with each other. They continued moving in harmony, until they both found grace at the same time, wrapped around each other, murmuring loving words into each other's ear. Afterwards, they stayed embraced for a long time, cheek against cheek, their tears mixing up together in a wet pool between them. Then John collapsed back on the pillow, sighing deeply, and Anna lay down at his side, his arm around her. He couldn't stop kissing the top of her head.

\- Love always, your Anna, she murmured against his chest.

\- My Anna, he repeated in wonder. The strongest and most beautiful woman the earth has ever seen, who will overcome every challenge God will send her.

She smiled.

\- Don't say that too loud or He'll think He can go on and send me some more. I'd say I've had enough now. A little quiet and happiness would be nice.

\- I'll do everything in my power to give you that my love.

\- I know you will, she said, stroking his chest with the palm of her hand. I love you John.

\- I love you too Anna, so very very much. Every day I think I cannot love you more, and everyday I am proved wrong.


	13. Chapter 13

Time had passed since John and Anna had finally found their way back to each other, and it had sort of broken a dam and let months of longing flow free. They had spent every free moment during the following weeks in the bedroom, making up for lost time with an assiduity bordering on desperation. For about two months, Anna had felt renewed, and John had not been the only one in the servants’ hall to notice the new spring in her steps, although no one had commented. However, with the end of the year coming close, and thus the trial too, she had gradually felt dragged down again. Nightmares had come back again in full force, much more frequent than they had been a few weeks before, and she woke up in the mornings already exhausted. She had never been a morning person, but at that time a few days before Christmas, she often felt like she would never manage to get out of bed. Wave of anxiety fell over her at any time during the day, and left her all nauseous and feeling breathless. John had of course noticed the setback, as had Mrs Hughes and Lady Mary.

John was silently getting ready that morning in the cottage, trying to let her sleep as long as possible, when she started thrashing in the bed, moaning and begging for mercy to an invisible devil. John looked worriedly at her, tried to approach her slowly, and put his hand on her arm, calling gently to her:

\- Anna… Anna darling, it is a nightmare.

She turned blindly on herself, her fists clenched, her brow sweating, trying to push him away, pleading:

\- No, no, please let me go…

He called louder:

\- Anna, it is me, John, you are safe!

She suddenly startled awake and two panicked eyes looked at him, making him think of a rabbit caught into a car’s flash-lights.

\- Anna, he repeated. It is alright, you’re having a nightmare. It is not real.

(Not any more anyway, he thought bitterly). She took a few seconds to wake up completely, and brought her hand to her mouth, before getting up and swiftly fleeing to the bathroom. John followed her but she slammed the door into his face, and he heard the sound of her throwing up. When things seemed to have quieted up somewhat, he softly knocked on the door and asked:

\- Anna? May I come in?

A non-committed grunt answered him. He entered and found her sitting on the floor, her back and her head resting on the wall, eyes closed, tears on her cheeks. He slowly bent down next to her, and brushed the tears away.

\- Do you want to stay home today? I can tell Mrs Hughes and Lady Mary that you’re ill…

She shook her head silently.

\- You seem quite under the weather lately. Maybe you should go and see Dr Clarkson, you know, just for safety. Maybe he can give you something to soothe your nerves.

She sighed deeply.

\- I’m so tired John… I was feeling so good a few weeks ago. This bloody trial is dragging me backwards. I want it over and done with!

\- I know darling, I know. But think, a month from now, it will be over. We’ll be able to put all this behind us for good.

\- But what if he’s not convicted? What if he goes free? What if he comes back?

John couldn’t say he had not thought about that, and he found it very hard to not want to go after Green himself if the court was foolish enough to let him go. But he had made a promise to Anna, that he would not hurt him, and he intended to keep it, whatever it cost him.

\- I know it can happen, but we have to trust the Court to see the truth.

Anna chuckled bitterly:

\- Yeah, like they did for you?

He sighed:

\- Yes, well I agree I am not a very good example. But you have two very talented attorneys, and some solid proofs. So let’s try and be confident. Can you do that for me? he said, lifting her chin up.

The tears shining in her eyes made his heart sink. She smiled sadly.

\- I’ll try. I promise.

\- So, are you sure you don’t want to rest, at least this morning?

\- No, no, I’ll be fine.

John frowned, but he knew she was strong-headed and he would not win that battle.

\- Alright, but please, go see Dr Clarkson. He knows what you’re going through. He’ll help.

\- Fine, I will, if it soothes you.

\- Thank you darling, he said, leaving a kiss on her forehead before gripping to the edge of the sink to help himself get up.

He then held his hand out to help her get up.

\- We should go then, if you won’t stay at home this morning.

\- Yes. It’s alright, I’m feeling better already.

***

Anna had a hard time putting one foot in front of the other all morning. The nauseous feeling stuck by her, and Lady Mary worried when she had to repeat her instructions several time, which was very unusual with Anna, who always got the trick of everything right away.

\- Anna? Are you alright? Only you seem very distracted this morning?

\- I’m so sorry my lady, apologized Anna. I just had a bad night, and I’m quite tired.

Lady Mary looked at her with a sympathetic gaze.

\- I guess it is unavoidable that you’d be disturbed by the trial getting close… Why don’t you go see Dr Clarkson?

Anna sighed. It seemed everyone wanted her to go see the doctor. Mrs Hughes had suggested the same thing just after breakfast earlier this morning. She resolved to go, knowing that they would not leave her in peace until she had gone.

\- I will my Lady.

\- Good. Maybe you can spare a little time this afternoon.

\- I’ll see how it goes. But I have work to do on that dress you want to wear on Thursday. Maybe tomorrow.

\- Alright. But please, go.

\- Yes, my Lady.

\- Thank you Anna. That’ll be all.

\- Very good my lady.

When she was out of the room, Anna closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. Sometimes all their added solicitude was a bit heavy. She knew they all cared for her, but right now she wished they would just let her be. What good would Dr Clarkson do? He could not rewrite the past, nor make time move faster… As she was walking down the hallway to go back to the servants’ Hall, she suddenly felt very hot and weak. It was only the middle of the morning, but she felt so hungry she thought she could have eaten anything that she could find. It was very unusual to her to have such food cravings. But then she thought that she had eaten very little at breakfast, feeling still nauseous. When she arrived downstairs, she turned to the kitchens instead of entering the Servants’ Hall. She found Daisy working on lunch, while Mrs Patmore wasn’t there. She shot a weak smile to the young kitchen aide.

\- Hi Anna. Oh Lord you’re all pale, what’s up with you?

\- I’m not feeling very well. I did not eat enough this morning. Would you have a little something to spare?

\- Of course, yes, there, take a cookie! And sit down for heaven’s sake, before you collapse!

After a few cookies and a cup of tea, Anna gradually felt better. It was so strange, she thought. She had already struggled with anxiety, but she had never felt like she was going to pass out like that. She was just getting up when John showed his head into the kitchen:

\- Oh there you are Anna. I wondered. Are you all right?

\- Just fine, she lied. I was only having a little chat with Daisy, that’s all.

Daisy looked at her as she was leaving the kitchen and sent her a discreet wink. Anna didn’t feel like telling John about her little weakness. He was already fussing enough as it was. He would make her go home, and she didn’t want to.

***

The following night was somewhat better, without nightmare, but she still woke up exhausted and nauseous. Fulfilling her husband’s and her mistress's request, she was found in Dr Clarkson’s waiting room at the end of the morning. After a short wait, he let her into his office.

\- Hello Mrs Bates. How may I be of help? he asked with a warm smile.

\- Well Doctor, I’ve been feeling a little out of sorts for a few weeks. I’m sure it’s only related to some anxiety upon the upcoming trial you know… But my husband and Lady Mary have urged me to come see you, make sure everything is alright otherwise.

\- Alright, can you describe for me the symptoms you’ve been encountering?

\- Erm, there’s been a surge in the nightmares. I had a lot of them, you know, right after… But it had got better in time, until the last weeks when they’ve come back strong. I feel I never get enough sleep. I fall down in the evenings, and in the mornings I am so tired I feel I will never be able to get up. I very often feel nauseous, I have vomited a few times… And then yesterday I had a sort of food craving… I suddenly felt very weak, I was sweating and dizzy, and I felt like eating absolutely anything I could lay my hand on…

A slight smile appeared on Dr Clarkson’s face and he gestured towards his examination room:

\- Alright, let’s see, Mrs Bates. If you’d settle in the exam room, I’ll be right there.

A moment later, Anna had dressed up again, and they were back at his desk.

\- So, Mrs Bates, pardon my curiosity, but I assume you have resumed some… marital activities with your husband?

Anna looked surprised at the question.

\- Er, yes we have, for a few months now.

\- And do you remember when your last cycle came?

Anna thought for a while.

\- At the end of October I think. And now you ask, it was unusually light.

\- Alright. Well, I think there is really nothing to worry about, Mrs Bates, quite the contrary really, he smiled to her.

Anna looked at him, wondering if she was understanding what he meant right. She had not allowed herself to hope in the last months, having so much on her mind.

\- Mrs Bates, my opinion is that you are simply pregnant. Around two and a half months I would say. Which would date the start of the pregnancy at the beginning of October. Your last cycle was probably a fake one.

Anna’s heart swelled twice its usual size and she thought it was going to burst out of her chest right away. Tears welled up in her eyes. She suddenly wished John had come with her, but he had been held up with Lord Grantham. She dabbed her eyes with her handkerchief and smiled back to Dr Clarkson:

\- Thank you Doctor.

Before letting her go, he gave her some advice on how to handle the nausea and the hypoglycaemia that was causing the food cravings. She shook his hand warmly when he showed her out.

\- Well, Mrs Bates, we’ll meet at the trial I guess. The last step until you can truly focus on the future and enjoy the good news with your husband.

\- Yes. Thank you again, so much Dr Clarkson.

As Anna walked back to the Abbey, she felt like everything was unreal. To be granted that happiness in such a troubled time felt almost out of place. She wanted to tell John right away, but then she remembered. This had already happened once, a few months after the trip to Scotland following his release from prison. She had been meaning to tell him, but then as soon as the joy had come, it had been all over. And she had kept the pain to herself, not wanting to burden him more. He was still struggling with the prison aftermath at that time. Suddenly tears came to her eyes. If it ever happened again this time, she thought she would not bear to handle that pain on top of everything else… As she walked, she suddenly turned her path, and made her way to the church. She needed to seek reassurance in prayer, to steady herself before going back. Kneeling in the first bench in front of the altar, she sent the most fervent prayer to God, so that He would not take away their hope this time. She made a deal to herself to keep it quiet for a few more days, and to tell John on Christmas day if nothing had gone wrong until then.

***

Anna made it a little better in the next days, thanks to Dr Clarkson’s advice. She noticed that she was less nauseous when she drank a sugared tea before getting out of bed, and John was only too happy to be able to do something to make her feel better. She reassured Mrs Hughes and Lady Mary that Dr Clarkson had not found anything to worry about, and that it was all normal stress. Days came and went, and Christmas finally arrived. They enjoyed the usual celebrations in the servants’ Hall, and the presents’ giveaway by the family in front of the Great Hall’s giant Christmas tree. Anna felt light-hearted despite the fateful day getting closer. As midnight approached, Anna and John bade their goodbyes to the rest of the staff and started their return walk to the cottage, under a snowfall. When John finally closed the door behind the two of them, Anna felt a great calm settle over her. It was time she shared her secret. While John lit the fire, she boiled the kettle and made them some tea. Closely snuggled on the settee under a plaid, they exchanged their private gifts. John had bought Anna a new pair of leather gloves, as her previous ones had a hole in them, and Anna had got John a new novel. After thanking each other with a kiss, they turned back to their warming tea, until Anna put her cup back on the table.

\- Shall we head upstairs? she asked.

\- If you wish, darling, answered John.

As she changed, she discreetly took a look at her belly in the mirror. Nothing showed yet, but she still smiled, passing a hand under her navel. When they were both settled under the covers, Anna looked up to John with a mischievous smile.

\- John?

\- Yes love? he answered, yawning.

\- I have another little gift for you.

\- Really?

He arched his eyebrows in expectation. She took his hand, and gently brought it to rest on her belly.

\- Yes. It is safely stored right there, and should be delivered around the beginning of next July.

John fell silent for a moment, while processing the information. A bright smile dawned on his tired face, as he stuttered:

\- What… Are you saying… Are you?

She laughed.

\- Yes, I am pregnant.

\- Oh my God Anna! This is wonderful! I’m so happy, he exclaimed, taking her into a tight embrace.

A fierce kiss on her lips was his next move, and the utter joy in his eyes was enough to make her heart burst. She only hoped his happiness, their happiness would not be dashed away in a few day’s time.

\- Oh Lord, is that why you were so down in the mouth these last weeks?

\- Seems so. Nothing to worry about according to Dr Clarkson. He gave me some advice as to how to handle the symptoms, and I must say it’s working quite well. I feel better.

\- Thus the sweet tea in bed, he deduced.

\- Exactly. Dr Clarkson explained to me that the pregnant body doesn’t fare well when the blood sugar level is low, that’s why I feel nauseous or weak. So if I manage to keep my blood sugar steady, I’ll feel better. And he’s right, it’s working.

\- Oh my darling, he repeated hugging her tight, I am so so happy. Finally some good after all this dark months.

\- Happy Christmas John.

\- Yes, it is a very happy Christmas indeed, he beamed.

She smiled to him, keeping her doubts and fears unspoken. It would do no good to burden him with them. For once he was being more optimistic than her, and she didn’t feel the right to rob him of that.


	14. Chapter 14

The three weeks between Christmas and the trial were utterly challenging for Anna. Although it was true that she handled the nausea and fainting better thanks to Dr Clarkson’s advice, the emotional part was much more complicated. She felt herself on a roller-coaster of feelings, subject to quick and intense mood swings. She would feel elated thinking of the pregnancy, then a minute later tears would rush to her eyes for fear of another miscarriage, when it was not anxiety regarding the trial that assaulted her into a panic attack. It consumed the best part of her energy only to maintain a facade of normalcy in front of the staff and Lady Mary. Several times had she had to bite her tongue to prevent herself from snapping at people, including Mr Carson. John was the only person with whom she did not refrain, and the poor man had in these few weeks received more sharp comments than in the ten previous years of their relationship. However he was receiving them complacently, never returning them, and doing his best to make her feel better. If she needed a punching ball, then her punching ball he would be. Sensing her difficulties, Mrs Hughes had summoned her into her sitting-room, and had efficiently managed to make her spill the beans about the pregnancy. Seconds after telling her how happy they both were, Anna had broken into tears. Mrs Hughes had patted her back with a worried frown. She knew they had hoped for a baby for a long time, and she was happy for them, but she couldn’t help thinking that maybe it was not the most fortunate timing. She hoped the conjunction of the trial, which was bound to bring back some harsh memories, and the pregnancy hormones would not bring Anna to an emotional breaking point. The Housekeeper found herself longing for that damned trial to be over. All these emotions and the energy she had to spend to keep them under some sort of control left Anna utterly exhausted. She had more than once fallen asleep, her head resting on her forearms on the table in the servants’ Hall while waiting for John to come back from His Lordship before going home. They had abandoned their habit of having a late cup of tea once home, after John had come back from the kitchen with the cups, only to find her asleep on the settee. They now headed straight to sleep at night. But the nights were rather restless too, as the nightmares had returned stronger than ever. John often spent one or several hours each night doing his best to soothe her back to sleep. One day that he was discussing Anna’s state with Mrs Hughes, he told her ironically that seeing how he spent his nights lately, he would be well-prepared to handle a sleepless baby. She had laughed in sympathy.

***

At last the eve of the trial came. Anna had one last meeting with her attorneys and her co-plaintiffs, and John and she were staying in York for three nights, to spare her the trouble of going back and forth. John had arranged the time off with Lady Mary and Lord Grantham, and had rented a room for them in York in a hotel near the courthouse. Anna’s case was scheduled to be examined on the third day, being the most recent, and the one with the most witnesses and material proofs. So Lady Mary, Mrs Hughes and Dr Clarkson, as well as John had been summoned on this third day. Just when Anna and John were preparing to leave for York, after lunch on the eve of the trial, Mr Carson called after them:

\- Mr Bates, Anna, His Lordship wishes to see you in the drawing room.

\- Oh, yes Mr Carson, replied John.

They went up the stairs and knocked on the drawing-room door.

\- Ah, Bates, Anna, there you are.

Lord Grantham was standing next to his desk. The whole family was there, including the Dowager Countess and Mrs Crawley, enjoying a quiet moment after luncheon. Lord Grantham took a few steps towards Anna and John, and Lady Mary stood up to meet them. Lord Grantham talked to Anna with a sympathetic smile:

\- Anna, we just wanted to assure you of our family’s support in the difficult days ahead of you. Her Ladyship and I chose not to come to the trial, out of respect for you, because we know you’ll have to say very private things, and we don’t want you to feel embarrassed with us. But Lady Mary will be there and will represent us. You will be in our thoughts.

Anna’s eyes filled with tears. Her voice was veiled as she answered:

\- Thank you so much, Your Lordship, this is very thoughtful of you. It means a lot to me.

\- And to me, added John, putting a protective arm around Anna’s shoulders.

Lady Mary shot a supportive smile to Anna:

\- Are you sure you don’t want me to come on the two first days Anna?

\- No, no, my Lady, don’t bother. I won’t be speaking, we will be listening to the other cases. I’ll have Mr Bates. But thank you so much for offering.

From the settee, Lady Grantham’s voice entered the conversation:

\- We wish you the best outcome Anna.

\- Thank you, Your Ladyship. Just so you know, Lady Sybil’s memory has helped me a great deal these last months. I remembered her boldness and her passion for justice, and it gave me strength. I hope she can be proud of me, wherever she is now.

Lady Grantham’s eyes were misty too now.

\- Oh, Anna, thank you for saying that.

\- Dear Sybil, whispered Mrs Crawley.

The Dowager Countess only scratched her throat, not being one for emotional displays.

John shuffled on his feet and said:

\- I’m sorry, we should go now, we don’t want to miss our train.

\- Yes, of course Bates, off you go, concluded Lord Grantham.

Anna and John nodded to the family and departed.

Back downstairs, they were putting on their coats, when Barrow, Ms Baxter and Mrs Hughes gathered to wish them well too.

\- Good luck Anna, said Thomas with a genuine smile. I’ll be thinking of you.

Mrs Hughes put her hands on Anna’s shoulders and gave them a friendly squeeze.

\- Well Anna. We’ll see in three days. I hope my testimony will do more good this time, she sighed, referring to the part she had reluctantly played at Bates’s trial. Lord I never thought I’d find myself in a courthouse so many times in my life.

\- Me neither, stated Anna. I wish I hadn’t.

\- Come on Anna. We should go, reminded John.

Now was not the time to dwell on their previous encounter with the judiciary system.

\- Good luck Anna, called out Daisy and Mrs Patmore from the kitchen door.

Anna smiled to them, and picked her small suitcase. The collective support warmed her heart for sure, but it didn’t prevent her from dreading the next three days.

***

In York, Anna and John headed straight from the station to the attorneys offices. Once more John waited in the lobby while Mrs Bader-Ginsburg and Mrs Halimi briefed the five plaintiffs one last time. Being surrounded by the other plaintiffs and the two attorneys helped Anna to gather herself and feel steadier. At the end of the afternoon, she and John had settled into their hotel room. Anna had slumped onto the bed, letting out a deep sigh.

\- Do you want to go grab a bite for dinner? asked John. The pub downstairs looks nice enough.

\- Sleeping in a hotel, eating at the pub… It could almost feel like a holiday, she said bitterly. If only I did not have to stand in front of dozens of unknown people, and explain to them how a man had battered me, torn my clothes off and forced himself on me…

John sat next to her and began rubbing soothing circles in her back.

\- It’ll be alright love. You’ll do wonderful. You are strong.

\- But I don’t know that I am…

Her voice cracked as she was saying that, and tears flooded her face.

\- Oh John, she cried, sobbing more and more.

For a moment, it seemed that she could not stop crying. At last, John stood up, and pulled her into his arms, rubbing her back and whispering sweet nothings into her ear. When at last the sobs died out, she whispered:

\- Just the idea of being in the same room as him again, of seeing his face… makes me feel sick. I just want to run away from here.

\- I know love, I know. I’d like to run away with you too. The thought of seeing him again make me feel sick too. I know I will feel like jumping at his throat and make him beg for mercy. But I can’t. Just as you can’t run away. Try and remember why you are doing this. Remember the other girls. Remember Lady Sybil. Remember that thanks to you he will never hurt any woman again. Look at me darling, he said, holding her at arms’ length.

She looked up to him with her red and puffy eyes.

\- Now, do you remember?

She nodded slightly.

\- Good. Now, breathe in deeply, slowly.

He made a deep breathing gesture to guide her.

\- And out, he said as he exhaled with her.

He took out his handkerchief and wiped her cheeks, then kissed her forehead.

\- Better? he asked with a loving smile.

\- You always make me feel better, she admitted, returning a small smile.

\- Fine. Now we should go and eat, so that we can have an early night, and be at our best tomorrow.

\- I don’t know about being at my best but we sure should have an early night…

***

They had been lying in bed for the best part of two hours, but Anna kept twisting and turning in the bed, unable to get any rest. It seemed that every time she closed her eyes and started to doze, _his_ face appeared in her mind’s eye, only to make her jump awake. At one point, John pulled himself up on his elbow and looked worriedly to her. He was going to ask her what was wrong but bit his tongue in time, because he knew she would only snap that it was quite obvious what was wrong (and it was true…). So he changed strategy and said:

\- You seem to be having a hard time sweetheart.

She moaned in frustration.

\- It seems he has decided to haunt my whole night…

\- Why don’t we talk about something else, to help you forget him?

\- Like what?

\- I don’t know, anything happy. Our baby for example, he said, brushing his hand on her still flat belly. Would you rather have a boy or a girl?

\- I don’t know… Just a baby would be fine. But I’ve always pictured a little dark-haired boy, just like you…

\- Oh, that’s funny because I have always pictured a little blue-eyed and blond-haired girl, just like you…

She laughed, and he knew he was on the right tracks. He kept her talking and talking, about the baby, about other babies, about what they could do in the future, about taking a holiday together, which they had never done, about anything that would keep her mind off Green and the next day. Until finally her eyes started to flicker, and she dozed with a lingering smile on her lips. Her head still rested in the crook of his shoulder, and he kept softly brushing her blond locks.

***

Thanks to John, she had managed to get a few hours of restorative sleep, and although she was nervous on the next morning when the alarm clock went off, she didn’t feel as bad as she thought she would. She had a hard time eating at breakfast though, so John made sure he stockpiled enough sustainment to keep her going during the whole morning in case of low blood sugar. At half past eight, they were standing on the large stone stairs outside the courthouse, where the attorneys and other plaintiffs were meeting them. The other girls all looked out of sorts too, and being the eldest of them, Anna felt like a duty to keep her nerves in front of them. Laura Nielson, the former housemaid who had had a child after Green’s attack, was the only one who had come all alone, since her family had cut her off, and she was scheduled to be the first to testify, since her case was the oldest. The poor girl, so young and so lonely, looked downright terrified, and a big-sisterly feeling started rooting inside Anna’s heart. She shivered about how awful it must feel to speak first, and made a promise to herself to support her at best she could during the whole day. She found that focusing on caring for the younger girl helped her forget her own woes.

There were not yet many people waiting outside the Courthouse apart from their own group and a few reporters, who had already tried to accost them, but the attorneys had shooed away quickly. But Mrs Halimi had warned them that the trial being public, more people were bound to show up as first reports of the audiences came out in the press. They knew the public opinion might not, at first at least, be in their favour, and they were all braced for the name-calling that would probably occur.

At quarter to nine, the courthouse opened, and the small group made their way into the audience Hall. Anna, John, the other plaintiffs and the few family members that had come with them all sat in the victims benches, next to their attorneys seats, opposite the place where Green would be seated. His own attorney was already sitting there. Anna looked at him and his cunning look did not inspire her any trust. She thought he was well-assorted to his client. At nine, the Judge, the prosecutor, and the members of the jury took their seats. Anna held her breath and squeezed hard on John’s hand when the Judge stood up and called to the guards:

\- Officer, please bring in the accused!


	15. Chapter 15

The sight of Green came as a sort of shock to Anna, but not of the kind that she had expected. In the few months he had already been imprisoned, he had lost about a dozen pounds, and prison seemed to have robbed him of his shine and smugness. Her kind heart almost felt pity for him, for a few seconds, until she remembered why they were all here at all. Her hand found John’s, and she whispered to him:

\- He looks far less scary now…

\- Yeah, prison does that to you. Especially when you’re in for molesting women, I can tell you, you’re not welcome.

He shivered at the memory of his own arrival in prison as a supposed wife killer. Anna sensed his trouble and squeezed his hand. He shrugged the memory away. Now was not the time to dwell on that.

The Judge introduced the Court, and proceeded to the first step: before examining the facts, they were supposed to study the accused character. So they endured two hours of Green telling about his childhood and life until he was arrested, and of his father and his sister rambling about how good a boy he had been as a child, and what a hard-worker he was, in the employ of Lord Gillingham and of Lord Haselby before that. Unfortunately for him, neither Lords had felt like taking the trouble to come and give the Court their opinion on their ex-valet, which did not look that good for him. After a short recess, they started examining the cases, and the Crown prosecutor stood up to interrogate Green about Ms Nielson’s accusation. He acknowledged having flirted with her during his stay at the house where she was working as a housemaid, but denied having had any physical intercourse with her.

\- Were you ever informed of the fact that Ms Nielson had become pregnant, after the day when she says you attacked her? asked the prosecutor.

\- No, never! And don't you think she should have told me, if I was really the father of her child? But she did not, because I was not, obviously! replied Green.

\- So why do you think Ms Nielson would have come up with such accusations?

\- I don’t know! Maybe she found herself pregnant from who knows what other man, and she looked for someone to put the blame onto! So that she didn’t have to tell her Housekeeper she had been fooling around… I had nothing to do with it!

Some appreciative murmurs were heard among the public benches, and Anna gritted her teeth. Ms Nielson, who was sitting next to her, was intently looking at her knees, like she was doing her best to be elsewhere. Yet she had to come back to the here and now, when the Judge called for her to come testify. Anna squeezed her hand, before letting her go.

\- Remember, we all believe you, she whispered into the young girl’s ear.

The Crown prosecutor made her tell her version of events, and she did with a wavering voice, but steely eyes.

\- And why didn’t you tell your Housekeeper right away, after you were attacked?

\- I was too scared, and ashamed. She would not have taken my side, she would only have dismissed me right away. Which she did, in the end, when she found out about me being pregnant.

\- Did you confide into anyone else about those events?

\- Yes, to my fellow housemaid, Ms Janet Calloway.

\- Your Honour, interrupted Mrs Bader-Ginsburg, we will be calling Ms Calloway to stand later as a witness for prosecution.

\- Alright, said the prosecutor, we’ll hear about that. So, tell us now, Ms Nielson, what happened after you were dismissed from your job.

Laura went on to tell the same story she had told a few months earlier in the attorneys office, sticking to the facts, as her attorneys had trained her to do.

After the prosecutor, Mr Higgins, Green’s attorney stepped in to ask some more questions.

\- After all, what proof do we have, that this child you claim Mr Green has fathered, has ever existed? Since you conveniently tell us you gave it up to adoption?

\- We have some proofs, called again Mrs Bader-Ginsburg, if the counsellor would be so kind as to wait for the witnesses.

\- Very good, very good, sneered Mr Higgins, I can’t wait, counsellor.

***

Lunch recess was called before the witnesses were heard. In the Courthouse hallway, Anna was hugging a sobbing Laura, while the rest of their group shielded them from unwanted attention. They could hear now and then some nasty comments from bystanders.

\- Look at those whores, making up wretched stories to accuse an honest man! shouted someone in the crowd.

Anna held tighter to Laura, telling her softly:

\- Don’t pay attention to them Laura. You did what you had to do. It’s over for you now. We know better than them.

An hour later, everyone was back in their seat, and the Judge started calling for the witnesses. The young Miss Calloway was interrogated first, and she told the Court how she had seen Mr Green leaving the laundry-room where she found her friend all messed-up and crying.

\- This is all very well, cut Mr Higgins, but those two girls were good friends, and we can only assume that they crafted their tale together! This doesn’t prove anything!

\- I would not lie to a Court, replied the witness, flustered.

\- Oh you wouldn’t be the first one! People can be very imaginative, when it comes to ruining the lives of people they don’t like!

\- How can you say that, when _he_ ’s the one who’s ruined _her_ life! shouted the girl.

\- Counsellor, please, refrain, warned the Judge. And the witness is asked to stick to the facts.

Mrs Bader-Ginsburg took her turn asking questions, and she made the girl talk about when she had accompanied Ms Nielson back to her parents’ house after she’d been dismissed, and how they had not let her stay.

After Miss Calloway was done, the Prosecutor called for the next witness. After he had been sworn in, he was invited to decline his identity and occupation:

\- Mr Alfred Brooks, head of Saint Andrew’s Parish orphanage in London, your Honour.

Mr Brooks corroborated that he had received Ms Nielson with her newborn daughter, and taken the baby in. The story she had told him at that time had been the same she was telling now. He had brought a copy of the child’s birth certificate, and showed that the date of birth was consistent with the supposed date of the conception.

\- Do you believe Ms Nielson’s story, sir? asked the prosecutor

\- I have no reason to think that it was not true, but I have no proof that it is either, said the man.

Mr Higgins barged in:

\- As you rightly say, that is absolutely no proof to anything. Or rather, it is proof that Ms Nielson very well had a child at this date, which may or may not have been conceived around the day of my client’s stay at her house. That doesn’t tell us that my client has indeed fathered this child, nor that he did so by forcing himself on that girl.

The accusation camp had to admit that he was quite right on this one. The proofs were light and indirect at best. Unfortunately, the word of a housemaid backing another housemaid did not weigh very much to the Jury’s mind.

The mood was heavy on the victims’ bench when the Court moved on to Ms Angela Black’s case. Once again, Green admitted having flirted with the girl each time he came into the shop where she worked, but denied everything else. Angela had a very hard time testifying, and her phrases came in bits, interrupted by sobs that she didn’t manage to control. It was so difficult for the Court to understand her that Mrs Halimi had to ask for a short recess in order to help her to calm down. After a glass of water and a few minutes alone with her attorney in a quiet hallway outside the audience hall, she managed to go back and tell the Court how Green had entered her shop backyard as she was alone searching for a client’s order, and had started harassing her.

\- I told him no, several times, but he still tried to kiss me, and when I pushed him away, he slapped me hard in the face… and he started to search under my dress…

It took her several minutes again to utter the words to say what had happened following the slap. Anna, in her bench, was wincing at the familiar story. It seemed he always acted in the same way.

\- What did you do right after he finished? asked the prosecutor.

\- I ran away, as soon as I could. As I was running, I heard Dawn coming from the other side of the street, calling after me, but I didn't stop.

\- Who is Dawn?

\- The girl who worked with me at the shop. She had left to deliver some orders about half an hour before Mr Green showed up.

\- We’ll be calling Ms Dawn Bagshaw as a witness, your Honour, said Mrs Halimi.

\- Alright, said the prosecutor. Now, Ms Black, where did you go afterwards?

\- I ran straight to my sister’s house. She lived only three blocks away, so I knocked at her door, and told her everything.

Three witnesses were called in turn to back Angela’s accusations: Ms Bagshaw confirmed that she had seen Angela fleeing the shop’s backyard, a terrified look on her face, her hair loose and clutching to her dress, and that when she had entered the backyard, she had found herself face to face with Green, straightening his clothes.

\- He left as if nothing had just happened, he even wished me a good afternoon, but I felt it looked very dodgy…

Angela’s sister then told the Court in what state she had found her younger sibling on her doorstep, and how she had called their older brother in right away, and told him what had just happened. When she was done, Mrs Halimi called in Angela’s brother.

\- If the witness could decline his identity and occupation, asked the Judge.

\- Mr Edward Black, sir. I am a policeman.

Whispers ran through the public and members of the jury. A policeman’s word on the victim’s side was a good thing. After Mr Black had described how he had found his sister on that day, the prosecutor asked:

\- Did you believe her story that day? Do you think her accusations were genuine?

\- I do, sir. I am a policeman, I am used to dealing with crimes. I can tell when a person is shocked, and I can tell you she was. Her hair was in disarray, her dress was ripped in several places, and she had a red bruise on her cheek, as well as cuts on her hands.

\- May I ask if you advised her to go to your fellow policemen and file a complaint against Mr Green?

Mr Black looked down, and after a few seconds’ silence, he answered:

\- I’m sorry to say that I advised her not to.

\- Oh. And why would you do such a thing? Isn’t it your job to go after the bad guys?

\- It is. But I knew how it went usually for women who complained of rape. I knew they usually lost their reputation and their families’ as well, and most frequently for nothing. So I guess I wanted to protect her from that, and our family’s name too… I’m not proud of that. In fact, today I regret it. I wish I had been more supportive. But I didn’t discourage her because I didn’t believe her.

He turned around to face the victims’ bench, and looked at the other victims.

\- I am sorry that I stopped my sister from going to the police. If she had, you lot might not be sitting here with her.

He turned back to look at the prosecutor, and went on:

\- But I did look for Green, and confronted him. And he told me differently than what he has said to the Court. He admitted to me having had an intercourse with my sister, said she had asked for it. He practically called her a slut in front of me, so I’m sorry to say that we had a little brawl. I punched him down, and left him behind. Then I went to see my sister’s employer, the shop owner. But then again I did more bad than good, because when I argued that she should not let her young employees alone, she complained about Angela leaving her work-post without permission, and said that she didn’t need employees who made a fuss for anything, so she told me Angela didn’t need to come back to work. My sister has never been the same since that day, your Honour. He broke her. So when, in the course of my duties, I heard about the call for witnesses on another rape case with the name of Green, I thought it was time she talked in the end. I persuaded her to come forward.

\- Thank you sir, concluded the prosecutor.

***

Anna was lying on the bed in their hotel room, her arm folded over her face, while John had taken hold of her feet and was massaging them tenderly. She sighed deeply:

\- Man, I am totally exhausted after one day of trial and I haven’t even had to testify. I wonder if I’ll be able to stand at all when it’s all over.

\- The attorneys looked a bit more hopeful tonight than at midday though. Ms Black’s witnesses made an impression on the Jury I think.

\- Urgh, that man is such a devil! she spat. How many women has he shattered in his sad career…

\- But you all will put an end to it my darling, focus on that.

\- You seem so confident. Or maybe he’ll walk free to laugh in our faces and call us all sluts.

\- I’m pretty sure he won’t, love.

She looked at him with a bittersweet look:

\- I’ll pretend I believe you. I have to, to keep going.


	16. Chapter 16

The night had again been a restless one for Anna, but she stood valiantly outside the Courthouse with her companions the next morning, waiting for the doors to open. To her dismay, the press articles that had been released the day before and early that morning had drawn many more onlookers than on the first day. The attorneys and the plaintiffs family members had to fend their way into a noisy crowd to let them all walk to the doors. They could hear the people yelling around them, both encouragements and insults. Anna was making her way, staying safely behind John and looking stubbornly at her feet, when she felt someone grab her arm and she was face to face with a young woman, who had tears in her eyes:

\- Be strong, my Lady, for us women’s sake. I wish I had been as brave as you.

Anna answered with a small nervous smile, and gently disengaged her arm from the girl’s hold, before continuing her way.

A feet steps further, a group of angry men were yelling:

\- You sluts! Degrading a good man’s name! You deserve to rot in hell!

Anna finally breathed out when they were all seated in the same benches as the day before, waiting for the Judge to open the day’s debates. The first case to be examined on that second day was Ms Sybil Foster’s, the primary school teacher. Her jaw was set and her eyes murderous when she got up from the victim’s bench to walk to the witness stand. She had always looked the most angry of them all. Her voice was steady as she described to the Court how Green had accosted her as she was going out of the ladies’ room during her cousin’s wedding. She described the same modus operandi as the previous girls, being hit and dragged into the nearby storage room, where no one heard her scream because of the loud music from the wedding party. That particular detail gave Anna goosebumps.

\- What happened next? asked the prosecutor.

\- He left me there, and I didn’t move for a while. I was under shock. Then a waiter entered the storage room and found me. I asked him to go find my mother, and I waited for them. I couldn’t stop crying. When my mother came, she took me home. Fortunately we lived not far away. I was supposed to get married myself two months after that. But when I told my fiancé about this incident, he backed out of our engagement. He called the wedding off. My father tried to reason with him, offered to postpone the wedding for a few weeks, so that he could be sure there would be no child, but he refused. He didn’t believe I was forced, he insulted me, called me “damaged goods”.

Her voice grew louder and the whole Court could feel the fury in it when she almost yelled:

\- Mr Green has stolen my whole future!

After the prosecutor, Green’s attorney stepped in and asked:

\- Ms Foster, Mr Green here assures that your encounter was consensual.

\- It was not!

\- How many alcoholic beverages had you consumed that night?

\- What?

\- Were you drunk? Or just a little… you know, loosened up? Maybe you don’t remember that you were willing at that time?

\- No! I was not drunk! I don’t drink alcohol, only because I don’t like it. And I remember what happened that evening very clearly thank you very much! I told him I was engaged, I told him no countless times before he started hitting me. Why would he have hit me if I was willing? That makes no sense!

Mrs Bader-Ginsburg had managed to track the waiter who had found Ms Foster in the storage room, and convinced him to come testify. It had taken her a great deal of effort, because he had then left the staff of the restaurant that had hosted the wedding, but his testimony was precious to their cause. Indeed he confirmed to the Court that he had found a shocked, bloody and partially unclothed Ms Foster, and that when he had brought her mother back, she had mentioned the name Green to her. Both Ms Foster’s parents testified next, telling the Court about the cancelled wedding and how their daughter had been destroyed and angry at the world ever since. Once again their whole cases were based on testimonies, and there was no material proof to back the accusations, but the repetition of similar stories were starting to make an impression on the Jury’s minds. Those women did not know each other beyond their common meeting with the accused, and yet they all told the same thing.

***

Lunch recess was called after Ms Foster’s case was heard. So many people had gathered in front of the Courthouse that the attorneys had to ask the policemen to let the victims get out of the building by a backdoor, to spare them the crowd. They managed to seek refuge into a quiet pub in an adjacent street. Ms Foster was still trembling with rage after her time at the testifying stand.

\- That bastard, implying that I was drunk!

Mrs Halimi put a reassuring hand on her arm.

\- We knew he would try to put the blame on the victim, we prepared for it, remember? It’s standard attorney strategy, if not the most gentlemanly. But you did very good Ms Foster. I think you convinced the Jury.

\- Yes, well, it won’t give me back everything I lost.

\- No, it won’t, admitted Mrs Halimi. But hopefully, it can help you find closure. And, it will ensure that no more other women see their lives shattered because of him. That’s something, don’t you think?

Ms Foster frowned. Closure did still seem out of reach to her.

\- I guess so, she muttered.

After lunch, they tried to get back in by the same back door, but found it locked, so they had to go round to the main entrance, and face the noisy bystanders. To Anna’s amazement, they found that a group of women’s rights activists had gathered on the steps, chanting and holding signs that read “No means No”, or “Listen to the women”. When they were inside, Anna asked Mrs Bader-Ginsburg:

\- Is it good for us, those women chanting outside? Won’t they annoy the Court?

\- They might… But they can also weigh on public opinion and on the Jury. Anyway we have no power over them, so we’ll have to make do with them. The Judge is the only one who can order the police officers to shoo them away.

But the Judge ignored them, and Anna noticed that several of the women whom she had seen outside holding signs were now sitting in the public benches to follow the debates.

\- I warn the public that anyone disturbing the debates will be expelled without prior notice, sternly declared the Judge, before opening the afternoon session.

***

When Ms Suzy Jackson’s case had been heard, the Judge closed the debates for the day, and the victim’s party met again in a tea shop nearby, to debrief the day’s events. Mrs Halimi looked at all five of them with a warm smile, and started:

\- Ladies, I want to thank you and congratulate the four of you who have already testified. We all know how hard it was for you, and you have been very brave. All four of your cases stand only on testimonies, since unfortunately there was no immediate police investigation. Each of your cases, taken separately, would probably stand no chance. But all of them, together, you repeating one after the other the same things, have shown the Jury a pattern in Green’s actions. And we are confident that Mrs Bates’s case tomorrow, which has the most solid witnesses and also material proofs, will be the nails in Mr Green’s coffin, if I may say. Not that we think he’ll be sentenced to death, this is not the usual sentence for rape. But we can reasonably hope for a prison sentence.

Anna shuddered when the attorney mentioned the death penalty. Since her past, she didn’t wish that on anybody. But she did hope to send him to prison. However, now that her turn was next, she slowly felt panic rise into her. Her coping mechanism for the last two days had been to focus on caring for the other plaintiffs, on supporting them, since she was not directly involved in the debates. But now she stood at the foot of the wall, and there was no turning back. She realized that the stakes were high and that a lot stood on her reluctant shoulders. Mrs Halimi noticed her tense demeanour, and asked gently:

\- Are you alright Mrs Bates?

Anna briefly closed her eyes and inhaled deeply before answering:

\- To be honest, I’m rather scared.

\- It’s totally understandable, answered Mrs Bader-Ginsburg. But don’t worry. If you answer like you did when we prepped in our offices, you’ll do wonderful. Think: every day comes to pass, and tomorrow at this very hour, all will be finished.

\- I can’t wait, sighed Anna.

***

Later that night, Anna was lying on their bed, trying to get a little rest before they headed out to dinner. It was not an easy task, as words and phrases that had been spoken during the two previous days kept twirling in her head. At last she turned to face John who was sitting in the armchair next to the bed.

\- I can’t stop thinking about this poor Ms Foster, and her fiancé not believing her and turning her down. I guess I should be grateful you did not do the same to me.

John lifted his head from his book.

\- You know I could never do that to you. Of course I believed you.

\- I don’t think I ever feared that you could not believe me. What I really feared was that you went and killed Green right away.

\- But you did, fear that I did not believe you. Don’t you remember, in Mrs Hughes’s parlour, you asked me if I believed you.

Anna frowned:

\- I did? Oh Lord, I don’t recall at all…

\- You were so shocked, I guess it is not so surprising that you don’t remember every single word that was said. You did ask if I believed you, and I said that I did, of course, and that if I ever had doubts, which I had not, I only needed to look at the state of you to see that you had been forced.

Anna’s eyes widened suddenly:

\- Oh, yes, I remember that sentence! I remember now! Oh Lord, I hope I haven’t forgotten anything else that might matter…

John stood up and sat beside her on the bed.

\- Relax love. I’m sure you remember well enough… Unfortunately…

How he wished he could take all those memories away from her, and let her feel safe again.

\- And speaking of Ms Foster, I can’t help but wonder if it’s not a good thing after all, that she didn’t end up with a man that would not believe her when she tells him such things. In my opinion, she’s better off without him.

Anna thought for a few seconds before answering:

\- You might be right, but I don’t think she’s ready to hear that. Maybe she’ll come to realize it in time.

***

The following night felt at the same time much too long and much too short to Anna, and too soon to her liking, she found herself standing again at the gates of the Courthouse. It took her and John quite a long time, scanning through the crowd, but they finally found Lady Mary, Mrs Hughes and Dr Clarkson. They had all come that morning from Downton in Lord Grantham’s car. When Mrs Hughes finally spotted them, she rushed and hugged Anna.

\- Oh, Anna, dear. How are you feeling?

\- I think I’ve had better days, Mrs Hughes… But as Mrs Halimi said yesterday, tonight all will be over, so I’m trying to focus on that.

Lady Mary looked bewildered at the sight of the excited crowd surrounding them:

\- In the name of the Lord, what is this mess??

\- It seems people are passionate about this trial… shrugged Anna.

\- So you say… I must say I was not expecting that…

Anna turned to Dr Clarkson, to greet him.

\- Hello Dr Clarkson, thank you so much for coming.

\- Hello Mrs Bates. Well I hope I can help.

\- Oh you will. The attorneys think your word might be Green’s undoing.

\- I’ll be happy if it is. This man deserves to rot in prison.

Anna smiled to him as the loud voice of Mrs Halimi called:

\- Ladies, gentlemen, Doctor, let’s move on, the doors are open…


	17. Chapter 17

Asked about Anna’s accusations, Green persevered on his usual stand, which was either that he had not done anything, or that the intercourse had been consensual. He could hardly argue that he hadn’t touched Anna, since all the physical proofs, so against all likelihood, he claimed that she was willing. As he had told to the police right after being arrested, he told the Court that the encounter had been “rough but consensual”. Anna snorted in the victims’ bench when she heard that phrase again. How dare he. But then she didn’t expect any decency from him, not any more, not after hearing his defence on all four previous cases. It seemed obvious he would never admit doing anything reprehensible. When the Judge called Anna to the stand, John quickly squeezed her hand and planted a kiss on its back.

\- I love you Anna. Remember, you’re strong, you can do it.

She shot him a nervous smile, and walked to the stand, her heart racing like mad. From that moment on, she made herself focus only on the person asking her questions, forcing herself to forget the whole Court around, as if she was back into her attorney’s office, talking one on one. It felt easier. The Prosecutor was the first to interrogate her:

\- So, Mrs Bates, please tell us how you came in acquaintance of Mr Alexander Green, and how you two interacted prior to the incident.

\- The Crawley family were throwing a House party, and amongst the guests was Lord Gillingham, Mr Green’s employer at that time. Mr Green was his valet, so he came to stay with us in the servants’ quarters at Downton Abbey, where I am a lady’s maid.

\- And did you two get along at first?

\- Well, yes. I welcomed him and helped him settle in the Abbey. It’s a big house, so visiting servants are often quite lost when they first arrive. So I made sure he found his way around. He was friendly, so I responded in a friendly way too.

\- Was it just “friendly”, or was there flirting?

\- To me, at that time, it was only being friendly, like I would have been with anyone. Now, looking back, I recognize that _he_ was flirting. But I didn’t perceive it that way. You may think I was naive, and maybe I was. My husband did try to warn me, but I didn’t listen to him. It annoyed me in fact. I thought I was smart enough to handle how I talked to visitors. I wish I had seen the signs though. Anyway, a few hours before the concert, we shared a game of cards with some other servants, and we all had fun.

\- So, you maintain that your attitude towards him was nothing more than friendly behaviour?

\- Yes, I do. I never thought of anything else. I am married. _Happily_ married, she insisted.

\- Alright. Let’s move on now to the evening, and how the incident happened.

\- The whole household, including all the servants were gathered in the Great Hall, to listen to Dame Nellie Melba singing. But I had a headache, so at one point, in between two songs, I left and went down to the kitchen to get a powder. I didn’t look back as I went down the stairs. I had always felt safe at Downton Abbey, and it never occurred to me that going to the kitchen on my own could be dangerous. So, I drank the powder, and I had just put the glass down in the sink when I turned around and found him standing there in the kitchen. He pulled a flask of alcohol out of his jacket and asked me if I wanted some. I said no and warned him about our butler finding out that he was drinking during his work hours. I started to walk towards the stairs to go back to the Great Hall, but he came in front of me, blocking my way. I asked him to let me pass, but he didn’t budge.

\- Mrs Bates, please, if you can, may you tell the Court exactly what words were spoken at that moment, to the best of your memory?

\- He said: “You look like you could use a bit of real fun for once. Is that what you want?”. I said “What I want is to go back upstairs”. He was standing really close to me at that point and I was starting to feel more and more unsafe. He said “You’re not telling me that sad old cripple keeps you happy”. He was referring to my husband of course. That made me very angry. I said, quite coldly: “Not that it’s any of your business, but yes, he keeps me very happy. Now let me by, please.” He still wouldn’t move away. He said “Maybe you’ve forgotten what you’re missing”, and then he forced a kiss on me. I moved back until my back hit the sink behind me, but he still had his mouth on mine. So I tried to push him away, and he hit me in the face with his fist. I was completely panicking at that point, and before I could gather myself and react in any way, he grabbed my hair and dragged me across the kitchen and the hallway to the boot-room. He slammed the door closed and shoved me against the table. I hit my chin on it and fell down to the floor. I was so panicked and it all happened so fast that for some time, I didn’t really understand what was going on. After that, it all gets blurry in my memory. My head hit the floor, and it made me very dizzy. I felt him tearing at my clothes, I screamed and yelled, but it was useless, no one was around and there was the music upstairs covering my voice.

Her voice trembled ever so lightly, but she went on, keeping her eyes firmly latched on the Prosecutor:

\- I felt so helpless, I tried to push him off but he was so much stronger than me, especially since I was so disorientated from my head banging on the floor.

Listening to Anna testifying from the victims’ bench, John was but a ball of nerves and fury. Of course, he had known about the facts for more than nine months now, but Anna had never told him the specific details of what had happened in the boot room. He had known that hearing her testimony would be hard, and he thought he had braced himself for it, but he was wrong. When he heard her describe with clinical precision how that filthy scumbag had profaned the sanctity of her body, it took all of his self-control to keep calm and not jump to his throat and beat him to a pulp right there on the courthouse floor. He would never forgive himself for letting him violate the woman he cherished more than life itself. Angry tears sprung to his eyes, and he bent down, resting his elbows on his knees, and his forehead on his clenched fists. He was trembling with rage. From far away, outside of his bubble of hurt and self-loathing, he heard a young voice whispering to his ear, and he felt a hand gently squeezing his arm.

\- It’ll be alright Mr Bates. She’s strong.

He nervously wiped his eyes, and looked up. Ms Nielson had silently pulled herself next to him, and was trying to comfort him. He instantly felt stupid for having himself comforted by a victim, and the youngest of them all. He replied to her with a small smile:

\- I know. You are all very strong. But I’m afraid I am not. I should have protected her.

Laura shook her head slightly:

\- It was not your fault Mr Bates. It was not hers, but it was not yours either.

He chuckled softly. He couldn’t say he was convinced by her words, but they sure were good to hear.

\- Thank you, Ms Nielson, he said, straightening himself up.

She gave him a warm smile, and they both refocused on Anna’s words.

\- Now, Mrs Bates, can you tell us what happened next? asked the Prosecutor.

\- Well, I’m not sure I can. I have a sort of black-out, from the moment he left the room, to the moment I found myself in my Housekeeper’s sitting-room. I don’t remember getting up and walking there. Next thing I remember, I was sitting on the floor next to Mrs Hughes’s cabinet, waiting for her to come down. I couldn’t stop crying.

\- What were you thinking at that moment?

\- The only thing I could think of is that I didn’t want anyone to find out. I felt so deeply ashamed. I felt I had done something wrong, I felt somehow it was maybe my fault if that had happened to me. Then the concert was over and Mrs Hughes found me.

\- She offered to inform your husband I think?

\- She did.

\- And you refused?

\- I did yes.

\- Why did you?

\- As I told you, I felt very ashamed, dirty even.

\- Is that the only reason?

\- And I was afraid of how he would react.

\- Towards you?

\- No. Towards Mr Green. I was scared he would go and kill him in revenge. Fortunately I was wrong. He didn’t do anything to him except present him to Lord Grantham to be arrested.

\- That’s fortunate indeed. So you didn’t want the police to be informed at first?

\- No, I didn’t. But Mrs Hughes and my husband convinced me that it was for the best.

\- Thank you Mrs Bates.

The Prosecutor went back to his seat, and the Judge called for the victim’s attorney.

\- Counsellor for the plaintiff, do you wish to ask questions to Mrs Bates?

\- Yes, please, your Honour, answered Mrs Bader-Ginsburg. Mrs Bates, thank you for your account of that evening, which was very telling. Could you tell the Court now, what were the following repercussions of this incident on you? I mean on your life, personal or else?

\- Hum, yes. Well in the days following, I was under shock. I could hardly sleep, and when I did fall asleep I had the most awful nightmares. I kept reliving the attack, either awake or asleep. I had difficulties to eat. At work, I would startle every time someone would touch me or brush past me when I didn’t expect it, or whenever there was some unexpected noise. And I couldn’t enter the boot-room at all. Each time I would try to go in, it would trigger a panic attack. That was rather a big problem to me, because it is part of my duties to brush some shoes, so I usually go in there every day.

\- And what about your personal life? Your married life?

Anna blushed a little. Her attorney had prepped her for such intimate questions, but still, it was disturbing to discuss such topics in front of a Court.

\- Well, at first, I couldn’t bear my husband touching me. Even a simple hug would make me panic. He could hold my hand, but that was it. He could not get any closer.

\- I suppose intimate contacts were out of question.

\- They have been for several months yes.

\- How much time? pressed Mrs Bader-Ginsburg.

\- About six months, answered Anna, looking down to her knees.

\- That’s nothing to be ashamed of, Mrs Bates, the attorney tried to reassure.

\- It’s just… I’m not used to discussing my intimate life in public. That’s disturbing.

\- I think we can all understand that. Tell us Mrs bates, now, about ten months after the incident, would you say that you have fully recovered?

\- I don’t think I can say that, no. And I don’t think I will ever fully recover. But I am better. I have no more panic attacks, and I sleep better. I am grateful to my husband, my employers and my co-workers who have been very supportive. But I will never forget about that night. Such experience scars a person for life.

\- Thank you Mrs Bates. I am done your Honour, said Mrs Bader-Ginsburg, looking up to the Judge.

\- Thank you counsellor. Counsellor for the defence, the plaintiff is yours.

Anna inhaled sharply and braced herself for what was coming. She knew that part would be the hardest. Mr Higgins got up from his seat near Green and walked over to her with a smug smile. His look made her insides churn.

\- Mrs Bates, I believe your husband is quite older that you, am I correct?

\- He is, she answered curtly. Although I don’t see what that has to do with anything.

\- I believe he is a cripple?

She started to feel anger building inside of her. She knew where the man was going. And she wouldn’t let him.

\- He is NOT a cripple. He only has a limp.

\- Maybe life with your old and lame husband was not so much fun? Maybe, a young and good-looking visiting valet stirred some feelings? Maybe you felt like seeking a bit of entertainment elsewhere? And maybe when it was done, you regreted what you did, and decided to call it rape?

She clenched her fists, and looked over to John, sitting in the victims’ bench. His jaw was strained, and she could feel his own anger radiating all the way to her. She knew it was the man’s job to make her look bad in order to save his own client’s neck, her attorneys had prepared her for that. But still, the anger was raw inside her. She pursed her lips into a thin line, and took a deep breath, before answering in a forceful voice:

\- Counsellor, my husband might be older than me and carry a limp, but I couldn’t ever have dreamt of a better man, because there isn’t one. When your client almost destroyed me, body and spirit, he could have turned me down, but instead, he showed me patience and kindness, and love, and he stubbornly brought me back to life. So, to answer your question, no, I had absolutely no need to seek my happiness into another man’s embrace. My husband was and still is all I need.

She spoke her last sentence looking into John’s eyes, and she saw the unshed tears shining in his eyes. He sent her a loving smile, as the counsellor sneered:

\- How touching. However, my client assures that you were willing.

\- I was so much willing, that he had to punch me in the face, then drag me by my hair, then bang my head on the floor and tear my clothes off in order to get what he wanted. I don’t about your tastes, counsellor, but this is really not my idea of a good time.

The Jury murmured and there were some knowing smiles exchanged at her smart comment. The Judge intervened:

\- Counsellor for the defence, do you have any more questions?

\- No, your Honour, reluctantly said Green’s attorney, sitting back.

He looked quite disgruntled by her answers, and that made her feel better.

\- Mrs Bates, this is the end of your testimony. Is there anything else you wish to say to the Court before you go back to your seat?

Anna bit her lower lip, and answered:

\- Yes, your Honour, please.

She was silent for a few seconds, before going on:

\- I never thought this would happen to me. I thought I was a strong woman, who could easily fend for myself. I thought I was careful, and did nothing to bring such trouble upon myself. I was confident. I thought, as about everyone, that women whom it happened to, somehow had been careless, or made some mistake, or even provoked it. Had I met young Ms Nielson before, I would have sympathized with her of course, but maybe deep down I might have thought she had done something to make it happen. Right afterwards, _I_ thought I had done something to make it happen. Now, I know better. The truth is, till it happens to you, you don’t know how it feels. Till your world burns and crashes, till you’re at the end of your rope, and you only want to die from the pain. The truth is, I have done nothing to bring this upon myself, and the truth is, Mr Green’s other victims haven't either. He alone is responsible for his actions and the destruction he has brought upon us all. The truth is, it can happen to any woman. Gentlemen of the Jury, it can happen to your wives, your sisters, your daughters. This is what I wanted to say. Thank you, your Honour.

The Judge nodded to her and replied:

\- Thank you, Mrs Bates. You may go back to your bench.

Silence followed Anna’s declaration. Her words seemed to have made an impression on the Jury, and on the whole Court for that matter. Even the public did not stir. Everyone seemed to be letting her last sentences sink in. As she walked back to her bench, her gaze crossed Mrs Halimi’s who nodded to her and sent her a very satisfied smile. Anna crumbled down near John, who instantly wrapped his arm around her shoulder. She felt utterly exhausted, like she had just run a marathon, and was shaking all over from the tension she had managed to keep under control for so long. John held her close and whispered in her ear:

\- You’ve been terrific, Anna. He’s going down, I’m telling you.

She only let out a deep sigh, while silent tears ran down her cheeks.

\- It’s over now, added John. You’ve done your part, and you’ve done it well. You can rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may have recognized Lady Gaga's words from the song "Till it happens to you" that I put into Anna's mouth. It is a very powerful song, you might want to go see the videoclip on You Tube, with a strong trigger warning for sexual assault.


	18. Chapter 18

After Anna was done testifying, the Judge called to stand police officer Powells, who had led the investigation on Anna’s case. The Prosecutor started interrogating him:

\- Officer Powells, you’re the head of the squad who went to the Abbey that night, after receiving a call regarding a rape. Can you tell the Court what you found on the crime scene?

\- I myself made a thorough inspection of the boot-room, where Mrs Bates says Mr Green assaulted her. I noticed several things: the table was standing askew, some shelves had been turned upside down, which were elements consistent with some sort of fight going on in the room. Moreover, when I looked closer at the table, I found several blond hairs stuck in a creak of the table’s wooden panels. That was consistent with Mrs Bates’s affirmation that she was shoved against the table, hit it with her face and then fell down. And finally, we found several blood stains on the stone floor. Of course we cannot prove that it was Mrs Bates’s blood, but they were fresh stains, not yet completely dried out, and their location was consistent with the place she says her head banged on the floor. So, to sum up our findings on the alleged crime scene, every material element fit with Mrs Bates’s affirmations.

\- Thank you Officer Powells. I believe you also collected the clothes Mrs Bates was wearing that night?

\- Yes indeed. The Housekeeper, Mrs Hughes, brought them to me.

\- And what can you tell the Court regarding those clothes?

Back in the victims’ bench, Anna was beginning to feel nauseous at hearing the policeman describe to the Court in which state her clothes had been and what particular kind of stains they had identified on them. She hid her face in her hands and tried her best not to listen, forcing her mind away from the Courthouse. John put his hand on the back of her neck and his thumb started drawing gentle circles on her skin. She did not look up when said clothes were shown to the Jury. At last, the Officer’s deposition was finished, and the Judge proceeded to call the witnesses. The first of them was Mrs Hughes.

\- Please state your identity and occupation to the Court, asked the Judge.

\- My name is Elsie Hughes, I’m the Housekeeper at Downton Abbey.

\- That would make you Mrs Bates’s upper hierarchy, stated the Prosecutor.

\- Yes, agreed Mrs Hughes.

\- Alright. So, before we proceed to your account of that evening, what can you tell the Court about Mrs Bates’s character?

\- Mrs Bates has been working at the Abbey for more than fifteen years now. She was Anna Smith back then, when she started as a housemaid. She has always been a hard worker, reliable and trustworthy. She has steadily made her way up, being promoted first to Head housemaid, then Lady’s maid. She has never caused any trouble among the staff, and she is highly valued both downstairs, and upstairs.

\- And in your opinion, did she seem happy in her married life?

Mrs Hughes chuckled:

\- Oh I don’t have the slightest doubt about that. Mr and Mrs Bates have always been like two eyes on the same face.

\- Thank you. When Mr Green came to Downton, what was your first impression of the man?

\- On the first day I didn’t mind him very much. He surely seemed very self-assured but then it isn’t a crime. But I observed him a bit closer on the next day, because there was something that bothered me with him, but I couldn’t quite put a finger on it. I felt he was a bit too… familiar, especially with the female staff. You know, standing too close, flirting… He seemed prone to chat and distract people from doing their job rather than concentrate on his own work.

\- So you didn’t like him.

\- I can’t say I did. But then, it is not my place to have an opinion on the family’s guests’ servants, and I never thought he would do such a thing, so I kept my impressions to myself.

\- Thank you Mrs Hughes. Can you now tell the Court about the evening when it happened?

\- As Mrs Bates has said, we were all gathered in the Great Hall for the concert. I was sitting next to Mr Bates, and Mrs Bates was sitting next to him. So I saw her when she left the Great Hall to go downstairs. A moment later, I saw Mr Green leaving the Great Hall too, but at that time, I didn’t question his intentions. I feel so bad about it now. I should have gone downstairs to check on Anna, I mean, Mrs Bates. Anyway, I stayed at the concert, and about fifteen minutes later I noticed him coming back to his seat. But Anna had not reappeared, which seemed odd since she was only supposed to have gone find an aspirin. A bit later, Mr Bates wondered to me what was taking her so long, and he suggested that maybe she had fallen asleep downstairs. If only we had known…

Mrs Hughes’s voice trembled, as what she felt was her responsibility overwhelmed her.

\- I should have kept a closer eye on him. It is my job to ensure the safety of the female staff, and I have let Anna down that night.

\- You weren’t to know, Mrs Hughes, said the Prosecutor.

\- I should have, she repeated stubbornly.

\- Can you tell us now about the moment you found Mrs Bates?

\- When the concert was over, I went back downstairs to my private sitting-room, and I found her crouching on the floor behind my cabinet. I was shocked at the state of her. Her hair was all out of place, she had blood on her face and in her hair, and she looked so deeply distressed… I have known her for more than fifteen years, and I had never seen her like that. There was… terror in her eyes.

\- What did she say?

\- She asked for my help, asked if I could find her some replacement clothes and tend to Lady Mary in her place. I offered to tell her husband but as she told you before she refused.

\- Then, how did Mr Bates come to learn about the incident, if you didn’t tell him?

\- He heard her cry from the hallway and entered the room without being invited to. Then the both of us talked Anna into accepting that we call the police.

\- Thank you Mrs Hughes.

As the Prosecutor retired, Green’s counsellor took his place:

\- So, Mrs Hughes, you just told us that Mrs Bates, when you found her, only asked for your help to tend to her mistress? So, she didn’t explain to you what had happened to her?

\- I didn’t need her to. It was obvious.

\- She never said to you “Mr Green has raped me”?

\- No she hasn’t.

\- But then, how can you know that it is what has happened?

\- Some things needn’t be told out loud, counsellor. Her state, and the look in her eyes told me well enough what had just happened to her. And as to who had done it, neither me nor Mr Bates had the slightest doubt about it. In fact, his name was never spoken out loud between the three of us, but it was clear as day. We had both seen him prey on her for two days. I had seen him follow her out of the Great Hall, and come back to his seat. And I know my own staff, no one would have done such a thing.

\- Nonetheless, continued Mr Higgins stubbornly, all this stands on assumptions and circumstantial evidence. Pardon me, your Honour, if I find this a bit light, for my client’s sake.

\- Do you have any further questions, counsellor? asked the Judge.

\- No, thank you your Honour.

Next, Mrs Halimi went to interrogate Mrs Hughes, asking her questions about Anna’s state in the weeks following the assault. Mrs Hughes corroborated what Anna had told earlier, telling the Court about her state of anxiousness, which had not been in her previous character, and about the panic attacks that plagued her. She told how the staff had had to completely refurbish the boot-room so that Anna was able to go back in there without flinching every time. When Mrs Hughes testimony came to an end, the Judge called for lunch recess. The three remaining witnesses, Lady Mary, John and Dr Clarkson would be heard in the afternoon. When the victims’ group had reunited in the courthouse’s hallway, each of Anna’s co-plaintiffs came to hug and congratulate her on her powerful testimony. Laura Nielson, in particular, seemed very emotional. She stood in front of Anna, squeezing both her hands in hers, tears running down her cheeks:

\- Thank you Anna, thank you so much for everything you said. About us not deserving it, not making it happen… I hope they’ve heard you!

\- I do hope so too, whispered Anna with a small smile.

In truth, she felt completely exhausted, and could barely stand. When the attorneys suggested they all go get something to eat, she turned to John, and said:

\- Do you mind if we go back to our room for a little while instead? I really need to lie down for a moment, I’m wasted…

\- Of course we can, replied John. But won’t you need to eat something?

\- I think we still have some biscuits left. I need the rest and quiet more than food right now. Do you mind, Mrs Halimi, if we don’t join you for lunch? she asked, looking around to her lawyer.

\- It’s quite alright Mrs Bates, smiled the red-headed woman. I understand the need for a break. We’ll catch up later.

Five minutes later, Anna was lying on the hotel room’s bed, and had slumbered into a deep sleep. John lay himself next to her, and spent a good part of the next hour looking at her sleeping peacefully and stroking her hair. He mentally noted that she hadn’t seemed so relaxed in many months. Apparently, as hard as it had been, testifying before the Court had brought her some kind of inner quietness. Time went on and the trial would be soon starting again, and yet Anna didn’t show any signs of waking up. He wondered if she could sleep until the next morning if he let her. But he couldn’t do that, she would not thank him if he let her miss the end of the debates. And he had to go anyway, since he was scheduled to testify first thing in the afternoon. So he reluctantly started to gently shake her awake.

\- Anna darling! It’s time to go if we don’t want to miss anything…

She seemed bewildered for a few moments when she opened her eyes, as if she had trouble remembering where she was. She let out a deep sigh and asked:

\- Oh Lord, what time is it?

\- Time to go back to Court, I’m afraid.

\- Jesus, the Court. I think I was in another dimension for a while…

\- You seemed peaceful anyway, smiled John. So I let you sleep as long as possible.

\- Thank you John. I think I might have slept for two days straight…

\- Are you hungry now?

\- A bit yes… But I’m afraid we don’t have much time.

\- Enough for you to eat this, he said, handing her a sandwich.

\- Where did you get this? she wondered.

\- I went down to the lobby while you were asleep, asked them if they could find something to craft a snack for you.

\- Oh John… she smiled, taking a bite off the sandwich. But what about you? We should share, she added, handing the sandwich over to him.

He smiled back, and pushed the sandwich back to her.

\- Don’t worry about me love, I already had one.

\- Oh. Alright then, she concluded, taking another bite. Thank you for looking after me.

\- Well this is the least a husband can do for his beloved wife.

When Anna had downed the sandwich, they hurried back to the Courthouse, and slipped in the audience room seconds before the guards closed the doors. They had sat for only a few seconds when the Judge called John to the stand. After the prosecutor had made him tell his own account of the evening, and of the days before, which were quite similar to Mrs Hughes's, Mrs Halimi stood up to ask more questions.

\- Mr Bates, can you tell the Court, honestly, what thoughts or feelings went through your head when you discovered your wife bruised in Mrs Hughes’s parlour.

Bates hesitated for a second, briefly closing his eyes at the painful reminiscence of the shock that had gone through his whole being like a lightning bolt.

\- The first feeling… was rage, at the person who had done this to my wife. The first thought I had… I wanted to kill him.

\- So, it seems that your wife knows you quite well, when she told the Court she didn’t want to tell you because she feared just that?

He managed a crooked smile as he shot a look in Anna’s direction, who looked very tense back in the victims’ bench.

\- Indeed she does.

\- So, how come you did not go and kill the man, in the end?

\- A word from Mrs Hughes brought me back to my senses. I was blinded by pain and anger, but she made me come back to reality. She told me that my wife needed me right now and that committing a crime would not help her in any way. And she was right.

\- So, you felt a strong urge to go and do something violent, for a quite good reason it seems, and yet you managed to get a grip on yourself and not act on your instinct?

\- Er, yes, I guess, answered John, not really grasping where the attorney wanted to go.

\- Interesting, she concluded.

In the victims’ bench, Mrs Hughes noticed Anna shifting uncomfortably. Anna bent towards her and whispered:

\- Why the hell is she dwelling on that? She’s going to get him arrested!

Mrs Hughes squeezed Anna’s hand in reassurance:

\- Now, Anna, people don’t get arrested for having thought of something, if they have never acted on it. I think she’s trying to make a point, although I can’t tell which one yet. Let’s see where she’s going.

\- Now, Mr Bates, continued Mrs Halimi, your wife told us this morning that it took her more than six months until she was able to resume what we should call marital activities. Is that correct?

\- It is.

\- And during all this time, did you miss lying with your wife? Did you want to?

John flushed a little, embarrassed at being asked such private questions in front of the Court. He trusted the attorney, but he really didn’t see what was the point in those personal questions. After a moment’s hesitation, he answered, unsure:

\- Well, yes, I did, of course. I love my wife.

\- But you didn’t rush her. You never forced her into anything.

\- Of course not!

John looked at the counsellor with a horrified look on his face. What the hell was she implying?!

\- And why did you not?

John gaped at her for a second, not quite grasping her question. Was she really asking him in front of the Court why he had not raped his wife who had just been raped? That seemed quite obvious to him.

\- But…, he stuttered, … because she was suffering, she was tormented, and that would only have hurt her more! I’m not a brute! I love her, I would never do anything to hurt her!

\- And did you seek somewhere else to… satisfy your own needs?

Anna startled at the attorney’s question. Mrs Hughes might trust that she was making a point, but Anna had a hard time figuring how on earth it could be the Court’s business if her husband had slept with another woman because she wasn’t able to. She wished Mrs Halimi would get to her point soon, before it all became too embarrassing. As it was she already wished she could discreetly disappear to any other place.

\- What?!

John seemed as unsettled as Anna at the weird questioning. He frowned and shifted uneasily on his feet.

\- Of course I did not! And what does this have to do with what that… man did to my wife?!

At that point the Judge cut, agreeing with John:

\- Yes, counsellor, the Court is puzzled, what is your point here? Mr and Mrs Bates’s intimate life is not under scrutiny here!

\- Thank you, Mr Bates, nodded Mrs Halimi, before turning to the Judge. My specific point, your Honour, is that, as Mr Bates just proved us, men can control their baser urges, be they of sex, or of violence, when they only want to! Mr Bates refrained from killing Mr Green, despite wanting it very hard, because he knew it was not socially acceptable, and he refrained from forcing himself on his wife, because he took her feelings into account. So I see no excuse why Mr Green here, she added forcefully, pointing to the accused, could not have refrained himself from assaulting these women, when he knew perfectly well both that it was not socially acceptable, and that it would hurt their feelings. This was my whole point, your Honour. Now I am done, thank you Mr Bates.

Anna slowly let out the breath she had been holding for God only knew how long. It finally made sense to her. She agreed with her attorney’s way of thinking, but then it would mean expecting that Green took other people’s feelings into account, which he obviously wasn’t familiar with.


	19. Chapter 19

Lady Mary was called to the stand next, but her testimony didn't last very long, since she didn't really have new information to deliver that had not already been told either by Mrs Hughes or by John. She only agreed with them on Anna's state of distress when she had seen her that evening, and how it had taken her a long time to return to someone closer to her previous self.

Then the last person to be called to the stand was Dr Clarkson. Anna braced herself once more, because she remembered how hard it had been back at the police station when the police officer had read the doctor's report out loud.

\- It's almost over love, John whispered in her ear, taking hold of her hand.

He was bracing himself too, because he had never read nor heard the doctor's report and he bet it would not please him.

\- Please state your identity and occupation, asked the Judge once more.

\- Dr Richard Clarkson, I'm a physician at Downton Cottage Hospital.

\- When did you see Mrs Bates? asked the Prosecutor.

\- About an hour after she had been assaulted I'd say. Mrs Hughes had me fetched after the concert, just as I was about to leave the Abbey.

\- You examined Mrs Bates right away I believe. Can you tell the Court about your findings?

\- I did both a physical examination and a psychological assessment.

\- Tell us about the physical elements first, if you will, Doctor.

\- Mrs Bates had a bruise on her left cheek, a cut on her lower lip, as well as some bruises and cuts on her hands, which were consistent with defensive wounds. She had suffered a mild head concussion, with a bump and a cut on the back of her head.

\- That would fit with Mrs Bates's affirmation that Mr Green hit her on the face, and that her head later bumped on the ground.

\- It does fit indeed.

\- What else did you note Doctor?

\- I also found bruises and scratches on Mrs Bates's abdomen, chest, and thighs, and on her intimate parts. There were clear signs of a very recent, and violent intercourse.

\- Mr Green here assures that it was a "rough but consensual" intercourse. Would you say that is possible, in the light of your examination of Mrs Bates?

\- I don't think so. A consensual intercourse, even rough, does not leave that kind of marks on a person. And that is saying nothing of the mental state she was in when I talked to her.

\- Speaking of that, do tell us about her mental state at that point.

\- She was clearly under shock. She showed every sign of acute post-traumatic anxiety. To me, there was no doubt that she had just been assaulted.

\- Did she mention to you the name of her assailant?

\- No. I didn't ask. It was not my place to do the police's job. But what I can tell is there had definitely been a rape. And I don't see why her word should not be believed as to who did this to her. I see no reason for her to lie about that.

\- Thank you Doctor.

\- Counsellors for the victim, do you wish to ask questions to Dr Clarkson? asked the Judge to the two attorneys.

\- No, thank you your Honour, answered Mrs Bader-Ginsburg, I think Dr Clarkson has said pretty much everything we needed to know.

\- Counsellor for the defence? the Judge went on, looking to Mr Higgins.

\- Yes, your Honour, he answered while getting up. Dr Clarkson, with all due respect, do you think that maybe Mrs Bates could have faked her "acute anxiety" and fooled you?

Dr Clarkson scoffed dryly:

\- Counsellor, if she was faking, I would suggest she head out to Hollywood right away and make a career in acting, because I have hardly ever seen someone more genuine. And besides… why would she have done that?

\- Well, to get out of trouble for having had a "rough but consensual intercourse", precisely.

Dr Clarkson dismissed again the attorney's insinuations:

\- As I told the Court before, to me there is no way that this intercourse was consensual. No, believe me, no one can be that good an actress. And the physical wounds spoke loud enough too.

\- If you say so, Doctor… sneered the lawyer, clearly dissatisfied as he walked back to his seat.

As the day went on, Mr Higgins seemed more and more preoccupied, as he felt that the situation was escaping his hold. He didn't have much hope left to avoid a conviction to his client. He could feel how the atmosphere in the Courthouse had shifted gradually in favour of the victims and he thought the best he could do now was some kind of damage control. He had thought for the first two days that maybe they would escape conviction, but the Bates case had been a disaster for his client. And his continued refusal to admit any wrongdoing was not helping. All he could hope for now was to lessen the sentence as much as possible.

After the end of the witnesses' hearing, the Judge granted a short recess before moving forward to the pleadings. The prosecutor was to speak first, announcing the sentence he was requiring, then the victims' attorney, then the defence attorney would have the last word, as was customary. In the hallway, Mrs Bader-Ginsburg was talking to the victims, while Mrs Halimi had stayed inside, making the last adjustments to her pleading. Mrs Bader-Ginsburg had a large smile:

\- Ladies, Mrs Bates, you have all done wonderfully. Today's witnesses have also helped us a great deal. I'm very confident about the issue. I think Mr Green will spend a good number of years behind bars.

The whole Courthouse was holding its breath when the pleadings started. After reminding the Jury shortly of all the individual cases, and of everything each plaintiff had endured and lost at the hand of Alexander Green, he demanded that the accused be convicted and sentenced to twelve years in prison. Approving murmurs were heard among the public benches, and even some members of the Jury were spotted nodding slightly. John took Anna's hand and gave her a confident look. Mrs Halimi then stood up and walked to the centre of the audience room, head held high, her auburn hair flowing around her face. Her mere stature and poise earned her a reverent silence from the whole Court.

\- Ladies and gentlemen, your Honour, gentlemen of the Jury, I will not bore you out by repeating what the Prosecutor has already very well summed up. What you have heard repeatedly over those three last days, are the stories of women, innocent women, whose only fault has been to cross the path of Mr Alexander Green, a man who considers every woman to be his own. He doesn't feel he has to embarrass himself with obtaining the consent of a woman when he has decided that he wants to have his way with her. Her will is redundant to him. He doesn't care about the consequences. You have heard multiple times, how they have suffered, what they have lost, and how, as one of them very accurately put it, they are scarred for life. He has demonstrated all along this trial, that he doesn't feel any remorse for his actions. He literally doesn't give a damn about the wrong he had done to them. He doesn't even accept that he has done any wrong. We have heard, as in the example of Mrs Bates, many people blaming themselves for what had happened: her husband, her Housekeeper, and herself even. Everyone is blaming themselves, except the person who's really responsible, Mr Green. To me, that shows that Mr Green has not learnt his lesson at all. If he is allowed to walk free, I can assure you that he is bound to act again. This man is a danger to any woman who comes his way. We cannot allow men like him to roam our streets. Women have a right to feel safe. We, as a society, cannot tolerate such behaviour from men. Women are not objects to be owned, used and discarded at will. We have to send a clear signal that taking a woman against her will is not acceptable. And to make this signal clear, I urge you, gentlemen of the Jury, to enforce the sentence required by the Prosecutor. Thank you, your Honour.

The Judge nodded to the attorney, as she headed back to her seat. Her gaze crossed Anna's on her way back, and Mrs Halimi offered her a warm and confident smile. Mr Higgins was the only one who was left to hear, before the Jury retired to deliberate. The middle-aged man walked down, slightly hunched, as if he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. He looked almost like he was already defeated. He was not helped by his client's stubborn refusal to admit his faults. He delivered his pleading somewhat half-heartedly, trying to depict his client as an " _homme-à-femmes_ ", someone who fell in love in a flicker and could not resist the charms of a pretty woman. In the victims' bench, John slowly shook his head in disbelief at the lameness of the argument. Indeed even the attorney himself did not seemed convinced by what he was saying. When he was finally done, the Judge closed the debates, and let the members of the Jury retire in a nearby room.

Anna, her companions, and her attorneys gathered in the Courthouse hallway. Even if the verdict was yet to be rendered, relief washed over everyone, there were hugs, hands-shaking and congratulations exchanged this way and that. John was thanking Dr Clarkson:

\- Thank you so much Doctor, for everything you've done for Anna. Back that night, it was so hard to see her going through your examination, but I realize now that you were right. It was really important. Your report and your testimony were crucial to her case.

Dr Clarkson gladly accepted the handshake, and answered warmly:

\- I am only so glad to have been able to help. Mrs Bates has been very brave and strong all along. She's done a great impression on the Court too, he added, turning to Anna, who was slightly blushing next to John.

Lady Mary, who was standing right next to Anna, agreed with the doctor:

\- Dr Clarkson's right Anna, you should be proud of yourself. You've spoken with a clear voice, and I think you have been heard.

\- Thank you my Lady, replied Anna shyly. I'm only so relieved that it is finally over.

She turned around to one of the attorneys, who was discussing with Ms Foster.

\- Mrs Bader-Ginsburg, how long do you think it will be before the Jury comes back?

\- That's hard to say, Mrs Bates. I would even say that it is unpredictable. But, sincerely, since the atmosphere today, I daresay they won't need to discuss for hours. I'm quite convince we will get a conviction. To me the only real question is about the sentence.

\- I hope you're right, said Anna, who didn't look so sure.

She felt that she would fear to see him walk free up until the last second when she heard the court pronouncing him guilty.

About forty-five minutes later, the guards called the Court back, as the Jury had reached a verdict. According to Mrs Bader-Ginsburg, it was an unusually speedy decision, which seemed a good omen to her. Everyone took their places again in the audience room. Anna's heart was racing in her chest, and she felt slightly nauseous, as she couldn't help but remember the last time she had waited for a Jury to give a verdict, as the wife of the accused. She tried to reason herself that the situation was completely different this time, but she felt the need to reach for John's arm and hold onto it for dear life. The Judge let his hammer fall onto his desk to obtain silence, and called:

\- Gentlemen of the Jury, have you reached a verdict?

\- Yes, your Honour, stated the First Jury.

\- Do you find the prisoner guilty, or not guilty, on the five charges of rape?

Silence was thick in the whole audience room, and Anna felt her ears buzzing and her heart hammering louder than ever. At last, the First Jury uttered the final words:

\- We find the accused guilty, of all charges.

A loud collective sigh escaped from the victim's bench. Unperturbed, the Judge went on:

\- What sentence do the Jury suggest?

\- The Jury suggest a sentence of ten years of labour camp in Australia, your Honour.

The Judge nodded, and called out:

\- The Court validates the sentence. Mr Alexander Green is found guilty of all charges, and sentenced to ten years of labour camp in the colonies.

Anna gasped, bringing her hands to her mouth, tears threatening to spill out. She looked up to her husband in disbelief, whispering:

\- Is this it? Is this really over?

\- It seems so my darling, he whispered back, as she crumbled sobbing into his open arms.


	20. Chapter 20

Minutes passed and it seemed Anna could not stop crying in the safe shelter of John’s arms. He was glad she had not seen the venomous look Green had sent them while he was being taken away by the guards. Hopefully they’ll never have to see his face ever again. The audience room was slowly emptying into the hallway, amidst loud chatter from everywhere. John thought he heard voices chanting outside, and he concluded that the women’s rights activists were probably celebrating the verdict. He kept drawing gentle circles on Anna’s back, while he felt a wet stain forming on the front of his waistcoat. He did not try to get her to stop crying. He would stay here holding her all night if that was what she needed.

\- We’ll be waiting outside, mouthed Mrs Hughes, as she was walking out with Lady Mary.

He smiled and nodded to her silently. Ten minutes later, the sobs had quieted down, but Anna had still not moved her face away from John’s chest, until she felt someone softly brushing on her arm. She looked up, to see Mrs Halimi’s gently smiling face:

\- Mrs Bates, I’m sorry, but the audience room is about to close. You have to go out.

\- Oh yes, of course, I’m sorry… she breathed, as she took the handkerchief John was handing out to her.

\- I must warn you, Mrs Bates, that there are a good number of reporters waiting outside. Do you feel like you want to talk to them?

Anna frowned. Talking to unknown people was really the last thing she wanted to do right now. She only wanted to go home and forget about all of this. Mrs Halimi noticed her uneasiness and tried to reassure her:

\- You don’t have to if you don’t want to, don’t worry. Mrs Bader-Ginsburg and I will talk to them on your and your co-plaintiffs’ behalf. So it really is up to you.

\- Oh, alright. Then, I’d rather not. I am too worn out as it is.

The three of them proceeded to walk out of the courtroom, Anna’s eyes still red and puffy. Their whole group was waiting outside, still a bit sheltered from the agitation reigning outside of the courthouse. Anna saw that joy and tears also mingled on the faces of her companions as she hugged each of them in turn.

\- Thank you so much Mrs Bates, you really nailed him down, whispered Ms Nielson.

\- We’ve all done our part, answered Anna warmly. And please, call me Anna.

\- Alright, Anna, smiled Laura.

Mrs Hughes and Lady Mary then approached Anna. Mrs Hughes gave her a motherly hug:

\- Anna… I’m so glad this is finally over. And so proud of you.

\- Thank you Mrs Hughes, she smiled tearfully. Your word has been of great importance too.

\- Well I’m happy I could do more good this time…

Neither of them had to say out loud what she was referring to. She still felt very bad about how her words had been used against John in his own trial.

\- A happy outcome this time, beamed Lady Mary, and it suits him well, what a horrible man! I still can’t believe Lord Gillingham hired him without more of a background check! Hopefully now he’ll never come back from down under…

\- Although… I do feel bad for the women in Australia, added Anna.

\- Wait, he’ll have ten years of labour camp to face before he can cross path with any woman. That changes a man. Hopefully, concluded Lady Mary, although there was a little tinge of doubt in her voice. Could a man such as Alexander Green, who felt no remorse whatsoever when faced with his victims, ever change? While they were discussing, the attorney had left them to face the reporters outside. None of Anna’s companions wished to talk to the press either, so the two counsellors had gone out on their own to handle the press’s questions. The activist’s chanting outside could still be heard through the doors.

\- Golly, these women do seem enthusiastic, commented Lady Mary.

\- They have good reason to be, it seems, commented Dr Clarkson. Before going to the press, Mrs Halimi was telling me that such a stern verdict was quite rare on rape cases. They seem very satisfied. They hope this case will become jurisprudence.

Moments later, the two attorneys were back and suggested to their five clients to go to the nearby teashop to debrief and celebrate together. Lady Mary turned to Anna:

\- Well, Anna, we’ll leave you to it, we are heading back to Downton with Mrs Hughes and Dr Clarkson. We’ll break the good news to everyone. I’m sure they will all be delighted.

\- Thank you my Lady. I’ll see you tonight then?

\- … Or maybe not, smirked the Lady, shooting a knowing glance to John.

\- What do you mean? asked Anna, puzzled.

She turned around to John, who had a bright smile on his face.

\- Lady Mary has been so kind as to grant us a few more days off. We’ll stay one more night at the hotel, and tomorrow we’re leaving for Scarborough. We are not needed back until Monday evening.

Anna gasped and her eyes lit up at the thought of three whole days alone with John, with nothing else to do but enjoying the seaside air. She turned back to Lady Mary:

\- Oh, my Lady, I’m so grateful!

\- Well I discussed the matter with His Lordship and Mrs Hughes, and we agreed that both of you deserved to let some steam off. Take it as a much delayed honeymoon.

Anna and John laughed.

\- Well, we’ll be off then, added Lady Mary. Enjoy your time.

\- Thank you so very much my Lady, repeated Anna.

\- Thank you my Lady, and thank Lord Grantham for me as well, asked John, nodding respectfully to Lady Mary.

\- I will. Goodnight then.

***

Free at last of the trial’s pressure, Anna and John enjoyed a nice time reminiscing and sharing their impressions with the whole group. But when an hour had passed, Anna suddenly felt tiredness washing over her, and whispered to John:

\- I’d like to leave… I’m so exhausted I fear I’ll fall asleep on the table.

\- Your wish is my command my darling, answered John.

Anna thanked her two attorneys again, and they bid their goodbyes to everyone. It felt strange, after having gone through so much together, to think that they would probably never see each other again. Although Anna had taken a liking for Laura Nielson, and they had exchanged addresses and promises to write to each other. Anna felt bad for the younger woman, who led a somewhat lonely life, working herself out in her factory, cut out from her family. Though Laura assured her that she was managing just fine, Anna wished she could have done something for her. For now, regular letters would be a start. After another round of hugging and tearful well-wishes, Anna and John found themselves alone in the street. The crowd around the courthouse had fortunately dispersed, and the area had been restored to its usual quiet. They slowly walked hand in hand towards the hotel.

\- So, what would you like to do with our evening, darling, asked John.

\- Honestly? I want to sleep myself out, said Anna. But first, I need a dinner. I’m half-starved.

\- Well, if it’s only half, we’re good, chuckled John. Then dinner and bed it is.

Half an hour later, a bemused John was watching Anna as she was feasting on her shepherd's pie:

\- Jesus, when you said half-starved, it was a big half, wasn’t it! Or is it the little one who’s eating it all?

\- Well, that sandwich was quite a long time ago! she protested, before swallowing a mouthful. My God, it’s so weird, I feel like my body is coming alive again after the haze of these last days.

\- I’m happy for it, smiled John, putting his hand on hers on the table.

\- So. “Delayed honeymoon”, said Lady Mary…

She eyed him with a saucy grin.

\- What on earth are we going to do of our free time? she smirked.

\- I might have a few ideas… he answered in the same playful tone.

\- Mr Bates, that kind of talk is beneath you, she laughed.

\- Yes, right, as if you weren’t expecting it, he protested.

\- Well, not tonight at least, I can tell you. Unless you’d like to try it with a sleeping woman…

John laughed, pretending to be shocked.

\- Yes I had gotten that already. No, you need your sleep. I’ll be happy with just watching you all night.

\- Well I hope you’ll join me into sleep at some point…

***

Anna was comfortably snuggled against John’s chest on the hotel room’s bed, under the warm blankets. She sighed, thinking that she had not felt that relaxed in a long time. She looked up to find John’s adoring eyes fixed on her face. She smiled to him, and murmured:

\- Do you think we’ll be happy now?

\- I certainly hope so. I’ll do anything for it.

He lifted himself up on his elbow, and cupped her cheek with his caring hand:

\- Anna, I promise you nothing bad is going to happen to you, ever again. We’ll sit by the fire, with all our children around us, and I’ll make certain that you are safe.

Tears gathered in her eyes as she breathed:

\- I hope that’s true.

She turned around on the bed to come face to face with him, and smirked, picking up a stray thread on his pyjamas:

\- Although… I don’t know about having children “all around us”, how many are you planning on, Mr Bates?

They both laughed softly, and John’s hand came down to brush her hardly noticeable baby bump:

\- Let’s just focus on this one first. But I’m serious, Anna. This was the first and the last time that a man does you wrong. I’ll never let that happen again, I swear on my life.

At those words, Anna’s eyes averted John’s. She believed him when he said he would do anything to keep her safe, but it had not been the first time, and she had never told him. It was a long time ago in the past, and she had buried that memory very deep inside of her. He noticed her embarrassment, and he lifted her chin up gently with his fingers:

\- Anna? What is it?

She squirmed uneasily, and sighed:

\- Well, it’s when you said it was the first and last time… There’s something I never told you, and I feel badly about it now.

Dread filled him once more. Please let it not be true that it was not the first time she had been… The mere thought made him shiver.

\- What? When?! he asked urgently.

\- You know my father was a labourer.

\- And he was killed in an accident at work.

\- When I was about six, yes. And me, my sister and my mother were left destitute.

\- Until she married again, and your step-father was an iron worker, I know all of this.

\- Not all of it, she stated nervously. It wasn’t much at first. Slight touches, brushing past me. I still remember the smell of beer on his breath.

John tensed at her words. An image of a young and helpless Anna formed into his mind, and anger boiled in his heart.

\- Couldn’t you tell your mother? he tried.

\- She wouldn’t believe me. Besides, what would she have done if he’d left? Then, one night, he kept looking at me, and I knew what was coming. So I fetched a knife from the scullery, and I waited in the dark.

\- Jesus…

John shook his head in disbelief. He held onto her a little bit closer, just to let her know that he was here for her, and that he believed every word she said.

\- He came, of course. And he tried… to have his way with me. But I defended myself.

\- You mean you killed him? he said, horror-struck.

\- No! Of course not! I struck him with the blade, but I only cut him on his arm. He screamed blue murder, and the watch came, but my mother persuaded him to tell them it was an accident. Anyway, after that I took a job as a tweenie up North. I haven't seen him since.

\- Oh Lord Anna… I’m so sorry you had to face this…

\- It’s well in the past now, in fact, I hadn’t thought about it for years. But it came back in the recent months, since… well you know. So you see, it’s not so surprising that I had a moment when I thought you might not believe me.

\- I understand. You know now, that I’ll always believe what you have to say to me? And that you can tell me anything. Really?

She smiled to him, and brushed the back of her fingers on his cheek:

\- Yes, I know.

\- So, no secrets between us?

\- No secrets. But it has to work both ways, she added, with a pointed look to him.

He smiled sheepishly.

\- I promise.

\- Well, good night then. I’m so looking forward to going to the seaside tomorrow. I haven’t been there in ages.

\- And I have never been to Scarborough ever, I think. Good night my love, he said, kissing her forehead before lying down again.


	21. Chapter 21

Sitting on the edge of the sea-side walk at the beach in Scarborough, her back resting against John’s side, her eyes closed, Anna enjoyed the warm caress of the sun on her cheeks. The weather was unusually warm and clear from a mid-January, although their hostess at the bed and breakfast had warned them that a storm was forecast for later in the day. Indeed they could see dark clouds forming out there over the sea, but right now the beach was sun-bathed, with a little warm breeze that made her hair dance along. She let out a loud sigh, and John wondered:

\- Penny for your thoughts?

\- Nothing, she replied. I’m just enjoying the moment. The sun, the wind, the sounds of the waves. It reminds me of when I was a girl. We came here a few times with my mum, she had an old friend who lived here. We had so much fun on the beach with my sister.

\- Childhood memories, they’re precious. If you’d like, we’ll come back. With our child. Make new memories.

Anna looked up to him and smiled.

\- I’d like that. New memories. Happy memories. As if all our happiness was not in the past.

\- Of course it’s not all in the past! We’ve got plenty ahead of us, I’m sure of it.

\- I hope so… whispered Anna, her smile falling somewhat.

John sensed worry creeping into her, and reached for her hand.

\- What is it love? I can feel you’re worrying. Tell me. “No secrets”, remember?

She chuckled faintly.

\- It’s nothing… It’s stupid…

\- I doubt that very much, he stated, squeezing her hand a little tighter. Now come on, tell me what’s bothering you.

\- It’s just… Well since the beginning, every time we’ve enjoyed happy times like this, it was only to be faced with some more problems after. I don’t dare to relax. I’m afraid some other trouble is awaiting us around the corner. Like, for example, if something goes wrong with the baby…

John gently cupped her cheeks, looking deeply into her anxious eyes.

\- And they say I’m the brooder…

But his attempt at humour fell flat, when he noticed the tears in her eyes.

\- Oh, Anna, darling, but why would it go wrong?

Anna looked down for a moment, tears rolling down her cheeks. No secrets they had said. So she looked back up into his eyes, and whispered:

\- Because… it’s happened before… I’m sorry, I never told you, I should have…

Sorrow was now etched on John’s face, as he asked:

\- What? But when?

Anna wiped her eyes and said:

\- A few months after the trip to Duneagle. But, it happened really early, and you were still struggling with prison at that time, so I didn’t want to burden you more…

\- So you kept that to yourself?!

\- I did, admitted Anna, sniffling.

\- Anna… You’re married! That means you never have to cry alone… Your worries are my worries, and your sorrow is my sorrow.

\- I’m sorry. I should have told you.

\- Don’t be sorry. You did this out of concern for me and I’m grateful, but yes, you should have. We should have mourned together.

He held her close for a moment, while a stray tear ran down his cheek. It might have happened more than two years ago, but it still hurt. Then he held her a little apart, to look at her.

\- But, you said it happened very early, and now we’re past the first three months aren’t we?

Anna nodded.

\- So, things seem to be different this time. Maybe we can be more confident.

She smiled weakly to him.

\- Maybe, yes.

\- I do want to believe it. Anna, darling, I cannot promise that everything is ever going to be alright, unfortunately it is not in my power, because God knows that if it was, you wouldn’t have suffered for one single minute since I met you.

His hand brushed on her wet cheek.

\- But what I can promise, is that whatever comes, we’ll face it together, as husband and wife. For better for worse, remember? Now, we’ve had our fair share of worse I think, maybe we can ask for a bit of the better?

\- I do hope so, she breathed. Thank you, Mr Bates, she whispered, searching for his lips.

As they parted from their kiss, they felt the first raindrops falling from the sky.

\- Now, it seems the lady was right about that storm. The wind sure has strengthened since this morning… We’d better get back to shelter, he said, getting up and offering his hand to Anna.

As they were walking into Scarborough to their bed and breakfast, the rain suddenly transformed into a heavy downpour. They would have run for it, if John had been able to.

\- Jesus, he shrieked, and we haven’t got an umbrella! Sweetheart, run to the guest-house, you’ll wait for me there, I don’t want you to catch a cold!

\- Tut tut, replied Anna, I’m not leaving you behind! For better for worse, was what you just said? she smirked. Well if this is the worst of today, I’m going through it at your side!

He eyed her with a joyful gleam in his eye.

\- You’re one stubborn lady, aren’t you?

\- Am I? she laughed, as they continued their somewhat slow way under the pouring rain.

Ten minutes later, they entered the bed and breakfast, soaking wet. The hostess gasped at the sight of them, dripping on the floor and their hair stuck on their faces.

\- Oh Jesus, Mrs Bates, Mr Bates, are you alright?!

\- We are Mrs Dawkins, although a tad wet, laughed Anna.

\- But why didn’t you take an umbrella with you?!

\- Given the wind, I doubt it would have been very useful… replied John.

\- Well there’s a warm fire awaiting in your room, and I think you’ll enjoy a hot bath now?

\- I daresay we will, thank you.

\- Would you like me to craft you something for dinner? You can’t get out again to a pub in this storm. I think I have some soup, bread and cheese, and also some apfelstrudel left. Would that suit you?

\- That’d be great, Mrs Dawkins, thank you so much, beamed Anna.

\- What time would you like it served?

\- Say in an hour?

\- In an hour it is. Now go dry yourselves before you catch death!

\- Thank you very much Mrs Dawkins, smiled John, before leading Anna upstairs.

When the soaking coats had been discarded and put to dry in front of the fire, Anna and John started to get rid of their other layers of clothes. The rain had penetrated everything down to their undergarments. Anna was down to her shift and stood in front of the fire, warming her hands to the flames, when John encircled her from behind, joining his hands on her belly. As he swept his hands around the beginning of a bump, he marvelled:

\- I can feel our baby starting to make its place right there… That is such a wonderful feeling.

Anna smiled and tilted her head to the side a little, to allow him to rest his own head on her shoulder.

\- Oh, Anna, you’re shivering darling. Your shift is all wet, you should take that down!

He moved away from her and lifted the wet garment over her head, so the upper half of her body was naked. The warmth radiating from the fire was a welcome feeling against her chest and belly, as were the kisses that John gently started spraying down the side of her neck and her shoulder. She moaned lightly, and said:

\- Your under-shirt is wet too, Mr Bates, I can feel it against my back. Maybe you should get rid of it too.

\- Your will is my command Mrs Bates, he answered as he obliged to her request.

While he stripped off, Anna turned around, looking sheepishly at him, with her arms folded against her chest. Her cheeks were just a little flushed from the heat of the fire, and John’s gaze lit up when he took in the sight of her half-naked body in front of him. He took her hands and gently unfolded her arms, whispering:

\- God Anna, you’re so beautiful… I’m so lucky to have you.

She only moaned again in response when he resumed the intensive kissing in the crook of her neck. Soon they had transferred onto the bed, and the temperature of the room was steadily rising, until Anna noticed, in between two heated kisses:

\- John, we were supposed to take a bath…

But her heart didn’t seem to be really into that prospect. John arched his eyebrows and replied:

\- Hmmm. So?…, before he resumed his attentions to her breasts and she gasped at the heavenly feeling. She found that her breasts had become even more sensitive than usual since the pregnancy.

\- Mrs Dawkins is supposed to bring us dinner…

\- Yeah, well, never mind, we’ll postpone the bath. We have more urgent matter to attend to right now, he rasped, taking her lips with his again.

\- Oh, alright, conceded Anna, letting herself get lost in the moment. Oh God, John, she cried when his fingers started teasing her secret spot.

Moments later, Anna and John were resting in ultimate harmony, slowly coming down from their shared high, cuddling one another, when right on time came Mrs Dawkins, knocking on their door. John left a last kiss on Anna’s forehead, and got up to quickly put his pyjama and robe on. He opened the door just wide enough to pick up the tray Mrs Dawkins was holding, and thanked her warmly for her efforts, before closing the door again.

\- Dinner is served Milady, are you hungry? asked John.

\- I must say I am, answered Anna. And that soup does smell good.

John put the tray down on the small table near the window, while Anna put her nightgown on. When she came to sit down, she noticed that Mrs Dawkins had adorned the tray with a small bouquet of paper flowers (probably since real flowers were hard to come by on this mid-January). Her smile shone on her face as she lightly touched them.

\- They remind me of that first tray you brought me up there in the Abbey’s servants quarters. Ages ago, it seems…

\- About ten years ago, if my memory doesn’t fail me… I was already desperately smitten with you at that time. Although I would have died before admitting it…

\- Silly beggar… I was completely in love too, and I had been for a while then. I think I had been since that hand shake you gave me on your first day… I couldn't really say why, but I surely was.

\- Well I won’t help you with this one, since I still can’t understand that to this day. But I’ve decided to give up on that question and just enjoy the consequences.

She chuckled, a little saddened by his lack of self-appreciation.

\- You should give yourself more credit John. I hope you know by now how precious you are to me.

He smiled silently as she bent over the plates to give him a kiss. She couldn’t say if she had really convinced him of his worthiness.

\- We should eat that soup before it gets cold, he said.

\- Yes, you’re right.

They ate mostly in comfortable silence, only from time to time exchanging thoughts or asking a question to one another. Mrs Dawkins’s food was rustic but nutritious, and the apfelstrudel was delicious. When they were done, John went down to the kitchen to bring back the tray, while Anna started on drawing the bath in the en-suite bathroom, a luxury John had decided that they could afford and indulge themselves with, since they had never taken a proper honeymoon, as Lady Mary had rightly pointed.

When they had stretched the bath time until the water was too cold to enjoy, they settled quietly in bed, cuddled against each other. They could hear the wind and rain battling against the windows outside, which only accentuated the feeling of cosiness inside the warm bedroom.

\- It feels good to enjoy a nice warm bed by the fire when there’s a storm raging outside, stated Anna.

\- It does, agreed John. To feel warm and sheltered from the nasty elements…

He held Anna a little bit closer, and put his hand on her belly, as he whispered in her ear:

\- I hope I can always shelter you both against any storm that’ll come our way. I love you both, so much.

Anna smiled as she looked up at him:

\- I love you too, she replied, as their lips met gently.


	22. Chapter 22

The rain had stopped and the morning seemed clear, although still cloudy, when Anna woke up next morning. She sighed as she enjoyed that simple pleasure that she was virtually never afforded in her everyday life, waking up on her own time. She stretched her still sleepy limbs and rubbed her eyes, before turning around to John, only to find him already awake and looking at her with a dreamy smile on his face.

\- Good morning husband, she said lazily, stifling a yawn. What’s that smile about?

\- Good morning love. That smile is about how happy I am to watch you wake up next to me.

\- Always the charmer, Mr Bates, she smirked, as she got up and walked towards the bathroom.

Fortunately the morning sickness that had plagued her a few weeks ago had receded, but it seemed that the baby already took the place that used to be her bladder’s. When she came back, just as she was walking past John’s side of the bed, he grabbed her with a firm arm around her waist and pulled her down over him on the bed, where she fell in a fit of giggle.

\- John! What kind of manners is that?! You’re a naughty boy!

\- I am, he agreed. I’m sorry I couldn’t resist laying my hands on that sleepy beauty walking around…

His hand had left her waist to roam its way up her thigh under her nightgown, while his mouth reached for hers and they shared their first kiss of that day.

\- Well... how can I resist those manners... she said, a little breathlessly, when he let go of her.

With a happy grin, he lifted her nightgown over her belly, and left a gentle kiss just under her bellybutton, whispering:

\- Hello, little babe. Did you sleep well? By the sound of her snoring, your mummy sure did…

\- I don’t know what you’re talking about, I don’t snore! answered Anna in a pretend-shocked voice.

\- You do…

\- I don’t!

\- You totally do…, he repeated, stroking the sides of her belly, knowing full well that she was very ticklish on that spot.

And indeed she wriggled and giggled under his touch, until he replaced the touch of his fingers with that of his lips, and he went up from her sides to the valley between her breasts, and the giggles were soon replaced by contented sighs and moans of pleasure.

A little while later, as they were both slowly coming back to reality, John sighed:

\- Tell me about a good way to start a day…

Anna chuckled:

\- It is… It never cease to amaze me, how those moments we share are at the same time always the same and always different. And each time I think it cannot get better, it does.

\- Does it feel different for you, you know, being pregnant?

\- A little, yes… Different but good. Although I’m afraid that quite soon we’ll have to forego some of our usual positions… I don’t think I’ll be able to bear your weigh on my stomach when the baby’s larger…

John smiled, his hand resting on her belly:

\- I daresay we’ll find some ideas to make our way around that particular problem… As long as that’s what you want, I mean. I hope you’d tell me if you didn’t want. You know I’d never do anything you’re not comfortable with.

Anna mirrored his smile, brushing her hand softly on his cheek:

\- Of course I do, you silly beggar. You’ve shown it quite enough in the past months. I trust you with my body, my heart, and my life.

Tears suddenly rushed to John’s eyes, and he felt his heart would burst with the love he felt for her.

\- Thank God, he breathed as he pulled her into a tight embrace, inhaling the sweet perfume of her hair. You know I’d give my life, my soul, to ensure that you, and our child are safe and happy. It is the only thing that matters to me.

Love gleamed in her eyes too as she looked up to him and told him confidently:

\- I am safe and happy, now.

\- Thank God, he repeated.

Their lips met in a soft and gentle kiss, conveying all the love they had for each other. When they parted, Anna smirked and said playfully:

\- As happy and safe as I am, I happen to be starving too. Might we go down for breakfast?

\- Well, we can’t have that. Breakfast it is, Milady.

***

When they had had their content of Mrs Dawkins’s delicious breakfast, John and Anna wrapped themselves up against the now chilly wind, to go out to the sea-side again. Anna was adamant that she wanted to get a taste of the sea water, so despite the wintery weather, she managed to drag John on the beach, and persuade him that they should take their shoes off and take a few steps in the cold and wet sand. Walking on the sand was quite an arduous task for John, the unstable material being not kind to his limp, and his cane had a tendency to penetrate too deep into it for his comfort. But it was not said that today would be the day when John Bates refused a simple pleasure to his wife, so he did his best not to stumble as they walked towards the small waves. Fortunately at that time of the day the tide was high, so the distance they had to walk was not that long. However he stopped at a safe distance from the water, but Anna, after having given him her shoes and stockings for safekeeping, lifted up her skirt and confidently walked closer to the water. A piercing shriek of shock escaped her lips when the first icy wave licked on her feet, feeling like a thousand little needles prickled her toes.

\- Oh good Lord, she yelled, it’s freezing!

\- How surprising, on an English beach in the month of January, teased John, laughing.

She laughed and screamed more as she let the water encircle her feet up to her ankles. John couldn’t help beaming watching her so carefree and simply enjoying herself. How he wished he could make those moments the only ones she would remember from the year just gone. How he wished he could erase everything else from her memory… After a few minutes, she couldn’t handle it any more and came back to him, panting. The cold had brought tears to her eyes, and her feet were bright red.

\- Oh my god, I might lose one or two toes…

\- We should go back and have you dry and back into your shoes. I don’t want you to catch a cold!

\- Yes, let’s. Feet bathing is much more enjoyable in the summer…

When they had brushed the sand off their feet and put their socks, stockings and shoes back on, they went back to leisurely walking along the sea-side walk, on a different part than the one they had been the previous day. After hesitating for a moment, John turned to Anna and asked:

\- Do you think we should tell people at Downton that we’re expecting?

Anna sighed:

\- I didn’t want to break the news too soon… because, well you know. But I’ll be past four months soon, it’ll start to show at some point. People will get suspicious if we don’t…

\- That’s possible yes… I must say that I am so happy about it that I can’t wait to share my joy with everyone… Although of course I understand your reservations.

\- Maybe we should talk to Mrs Hughes and Lady Mary first. Out of honesty at least. They need to know that arrangements will have to be planned for.

\- That seems fair indeed.

They walked in silence for a few moments, until John asked again:

\- And… have you thought about what you want to do… you know, when the baby’s born?

\- I don’t know really… Will I be in a fit state to continue working for Lady Mary… But I know I wouldn’t like to be on my own all day at the cottage, and not see you from dawn till dusk. Even if I’ll be with the baby of course, but they will not provide a lot of conversation, at first at least.

\- Do I? Provide a lot of conversation? he smirked.

It was a truth that John was not the most chatty person on earth. Anna chuckled:

\- You know what I mean… At least you listen to me, and you understand what I say, and you answer in an intelligible language. All things that will take a long time for our child to do, as gifted as they are bound to be, of course.

\- Of course. So, I gather you’re not longing to be a stay-at-home mother, if I’m not mistaken?

\- Not really. I’ve been used to living among many people for more than fifteen years, I don’t think I’ll be happy on my own all day, even if it is to look after my much-loved baby.

\- And I’ll miss you too much, being at the Abbey all day without you and the baby. So, maybe we should start thinking about turning a page… A new beginning?

\- What do you mean?

\- Well, only what we discussed one particular night, many years ago, in the servants’ hall…

He shot her a meaningful look, that she returned to him, immediately understanding what particular night he was referring to:

\- You mean, the hotel?

He nodded with a smile.

\- Of course it’ll take a while to make it real. We have to sell the London house first, then find a place, these things take several months at least, so we could start on the proceedings. You might even have time to go back to work for Lady Mary for a while after the baby’s born, until we can really move. But… would you want me to start looking into it?

A bright smile broke on her face, before she answered:

\- I’d love that.

\- Alright, I will, then, he said as his eyes twinkled in joy.

A soft brush of their lips together sealed their agreement.

***

Anna and John felt happy and light-hearted as they rode the train back to Downton on Monday afternoon. They had been away for only six days, but it seemed like a century to both of them. So much had happened in those few days, and they were coming back with completely different prospects. Anna found herself humming a light tune as they walked back from the station to the Abbey. They stopped first at the cottage, leaving their luggage there, and changed from their travelling clothes into their service clothes, before making their way to the big house. It was tea time when they entered the back door, and as soon as they had entered, they ran into Daisy, who beamed at them and rushed along the hallway, whispering frantically:

\- Mrs Hughes, Mrs Hughes, they’re here, Mr and Mrs Bates are here!

The Housekeeper exited the servants’ hall, offering a warm smile to John and Anna, and taking her into a close hug:

\- Anna! Mr Bates! I’m so glad to see you. Come in!

Anna entered the servants’ hall with a puzzled look on her face as she registered that the large room had been decorated with all sorts of home-made ornaments, and a large “Welcome Home” banner was hanged above the fireplace.

\- But… What…

\- I’m afraid some of the staff insisted on throwing you a welcome back party…

\- Well of course, cut Daisy, we had to celebrate the happy outcome!

\- And Lady Mary and His Lordship insisted that I let them know as soon as you were home, added Mrs Hughes.

And so the Housekeeper made her way upstairs, while Anna received the congratulations and well-wishes of every person sitting around the large table. Only a few minutes later, silence fell into the servants’ hall and everybody respectfully stood up when Lady Mary and Lord Grantham appeared, the latter holding out a bottle of champagne in each hand.

\- Bates, Anna! We’re so glad to have you back, and with such good news! That calls for celebration! he beamed, starting to work the first bottle open.

Glasses were fetched, filled and passed around, and when everyone was served (save John who kept his cup of tea), Lord Grantham held out his glass, proposing a toast:

\- British Justice, envy of the world!

\- Justice has triumphed, added Mr Molesley with his usual enthusiasm. I’m not always convinced it does, but it has today!

\- Although I don’t know how much we owe it to British Justice, or to the work of your two amazing attorneys, muttered John into Anna’s ear.

She agreed with a silent smile. Lady Mary approached Anna and offered her a friendly squeeze of her hand:

\- And thanks to you, that horrible Green fellow will never ruin anyone’s life ever again!

\- Hopefully not, my Lady.

After a few minutes chatting, the Granthams departed to the upstairs again, and left the servants to their own devices. While the happy catching up went on, Anna came to Mrs Hughes and told her discreetly:

\- Mrs Hughes, we’ll need to talk to you in private later.

The smile on her face told the Housekeeper that nothing bad was forecast. The older woman immediately suspected what Anna had to say, but she respected her discretion and only answered:

\- Of course, my dear, any time. My door’s always open to you.

\- Thank you, said Anna with a crooked smile, before turning back to Baxter and Thomas Barrow who had asked for a detailed account of their stay in Scarborough.


	23. Chapter 23

\- Anna… Anna?

John gently poked on the motionless form hiding under the covers.

\- Anna… he repeated a bit louder. Time to get up sweetheart.

A grumpy moan escaped the mess of blond locks which were the only part of Anna that was visible from under the sheets. At eight months of pregnancy, Anna’s sleeping patterns had become quite hazardous, between the several trips to the bathroom, the ligament pains and the baby’s need for nightly exercise. Therefore her morning mood, already not her best, had become more and more gloomy. Yet she stubbornly refused to give up working, arguing that she felt better being among the Downton staff than staying at home alone all day. John kept fussing over her every day, but she would not change her mind. Dr Clarkson had reassured them only a week ago that everything seemed to be going just fine, and that the baby should come around the beginning of July, as planned.

Sighing loudly, she pushed the covers aside and worked on sitting herself up, taking the hand that John was offering her.

\- Are you alright love? Do you want me to tell Lady Mary you’re not well?

\- No, no, she grumbled. Just give me a little time and I’ll be right as rain.

She stirred and stretched her back, and massaged her protruding belly. What she felt under her hand finally brought a smile on her lips.

\- Hey there little one… Are you awake too?

She took John’s hand, and put it under hers on the side of her belly, and pressed gently. The kickback they both felt sent them into a happy fit of giggle.

\- Oh my God, laughed John. This will never cease to amaze me. Hello sweetie!

He left a kiss on Anna’s lips, just as she got up and started to dress for the day.

Moments later, they were walking their usual way to the Abbey. Usually Anna had to slow her own pace to keep up with John’s limp, but lately it was rather the other way around, as Anna was slowed down by her extra load.

\- You do remember we have this appointment in Ripon tomorrow afternoon? asked John.

\- The notary, yes, of course, how could I forget, she answered with a beaming smile. We’ll be our own masters, at last… Not that I don’t like our current masters, but still…

Things had gone pretty quickly regarding their change of situation, once they had made the decision. Lady Mary and Lord Grantham had been saddened to hear that they intended to leave service, but they both understood the change of circumstances and they realized that life in service wasn’t really a family-friendly way of life. So all in all, they were glad to see their trusted servants moving on to better things. The London house had been sold in the blink of an eye, and they had even got a better amount out of it than they had hoped. So with that sum and almost ten year’s worth of savings, they were pretty comfortable in their search of an inn. They had looked through the classified and visited a few places, but none had convinced them, until one day, Anna came across an ad for the sale of the Red Lion pub, in Kirkbymoorside. Her heart had missed a beat when she had read the name and place, her mind instantly transported to a whole other time, in which grief and hope mingled. Was it a good idea? It was a pub, so not technically what they were looking for. They had talked about it, and they had gone to visit it, memories flowing back all through the time they had been there. The building was large enough to include rooms to rent, although it would need a thorough restructuring and refurbishing. Maybe after all it would be their way of getting back at fate who had sent so many hurdles in their path. To make this place, where they had spent bittersweet moments, their own, and raise their family there. After discussing it for a long time, they had settled on the idea. Tomorrow was the day when the sale would be final, and they were supposed to move in soon after the baby’s birth, so that they could oversee the transformation.

***

\- Good morning my Lady, said Anna brightly as she entered her mistress’s room.

\- Good morning Anna. Tell me, how do you manage to stay so energetic and glowing at this stage of pregnancy? I remember when I was expecting George, all I wanted was to smoke him out so I could get my normal shape back…

Anna laughed.

\- Well, ask Mr Bates how I look in the morning and you’ll see if I am that “energetic and glowing”…

\- Oh, so you keep that side of you only for him?

\- I try my best. Hell, he signed for it, didn’t he? For better or worse, isn’t that what they say?

Lady Mary laughed softly.

\- You’d tell me though, if this was all too much for you? I would understand you know. You have a right to rest… I wouldn’t want you giving birth on my carpet.

It was Anna’s turn to laugh.

\- I’m fine, really, my Lady. I have another full month before my time comes.

\- Alright, if you’re sure. But, please, take it easy.

\- I will, I promise. Thank you my Lady, for caring.

\- How are things going with the inn? asked Lady Mary, changing the subject.

\- Well, we have an appointment tomorrow in Ripon to sign the sale. We are very much excited.

\- The Red Lion… Tell me about a sign from above. This is your final victory over that bitchy first wife of his!

Anna’s chest constricted a bit at the thought of all the three of them had been through at the hand of Vera.

\- I guess we could say that, yes.

Noticing her lady’s maid’s eyes reddening, Lady Mary added:

\- Oh, Anna, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stir some unhappy memories…

\- It’s nothing my Lady, I’m fine… You know, just a little bit over-emotional. She really _was_ a bitch, Anna continued, heartily, her voice mingled with tears.

She sniffed and wiped her eyes on her handkerchief, and concluded:

\- But we’re fine now! Everything is going to be alright. She’s long gone, she cannot hurt us any more. And neither can _he_.

Lady Mary didn’t need Anna to explicit who was the “he”.

\- This is really all I wish for both of you. You’ve deserved your place in the sun.

\- Thank you my Lady, she smiled, her eyes still bright.

\- That’ll be all for now Anna, said Lady Mary as Anna was done doing her hair. Go get a cup of tea downstairs.

\- Very well my Lady, responded Anna, with a little curtsey before making her way out.

***

\- Bates, my dear fellow, how are things today? asked Lord Grantham to his valet when he appeared in his dressing-room.

\- Quite well m’Lord…

\- How is that imminent fatherhood working on you?

\- I couldn’t be more thrilled m’Lord!

\- I can’t tell you about sons, but let me tell you about daughters… They surely do know how to wrap you around their little fingers! The moment they look at you with their wide eyes and those pretty smiles… you know you’re lost to reason.

John chuckled lightly:

\- I can easily believe that m’Lord…

\- Anyway, I’m sure you and Anna will make excellent parents, be it a boy or a girl. I can’t say I’ll be happy to see the back of you two, but I’m glad you’re aiming higher than a life in service. You both have the potential. When is it that you sign for the inn?

\- Tomorrow m’Lord. And thank you very much for saying that.

\- The Red Lion, of all places! What an unexpected turn of events…

\- I know m’Lord. There are some strange coincidences in life…

\- If we had known that, back then, we’d have worried less…

\- Very true, m’Lord.

***

It was a warm late June evening, when Anna and John came back from a trip to Kirkbymoorside. On a half-day, John had gone to meet the man who was conducting the handiwork in their inn, and Anna had insisted, despite being almost at her due date, that she wanted to go with him and give her opinion. As they entered the cottage, her feet swollen, her back aching, she almost regretted having made the trip. She felt like a whale, and the hours on the bus to and back from Kirkbymoorside had not helped. She let herself fall on the settee, immediately thinking that she would never be able to get back up on her own.

\- Are you alright darling? inquired John. I knew I shouldn’t have let you come, look at you, you’re exhausted…

\- I am… she admitted. But I’m still glad I came.

She let her shoes fall on the ground and put her feet up on a stool, while John made his way to the kitchen.

\- I’ll make us some tea.

\- Thank you.

When he came back from the kitchen, he frowned at the sight of her, wincing in pain and clutching her belly.

\- What is it love?

She breathed deeply a few times, then looked up at him:

\- It’s nothing, you know, Dr Clarkson explained about false labour…

\- And how do you know it is not “real” labour?? he asked, concerned.

\- Well, time will tell us, she said, reaching for her cup of tea.

A few hours later, Anna had gone to bed, trying to grab a few moments of sleep before the next bathroom call. John was sitting at her side in bed, quietly reading, but he glanced sideways at her regularly, and wished her sleep could be more peaceful. Her nights lately were more and more perturbed, and at that very moment, she kept twisting and turning, lightly moaning in her sleep. He tried to concentrate back on his book, but his eyes left the pages again when her moaning became more urgent. He gently squeezed her arm, in an attempt to comfort her, whispering:

\- Hush, Anna, it’s alright…

But rather than soothing her, his touch made her jerk awake, yelling:

\- Don’t!

She turned to him, a dazed look on her face, struggling to understand where she was and what she had just dreamt about. Tears suddenly flooded her cheeks as she cradled herself into John’s arms.

\- You had a bad dream darling. It’s alright. You are safe.

For a moment she just sobbed silently, while he gently stroked her hair. He had hoped after the trial that the nightmares where gone for good, but the emotionally charged period of the end of the pregnancy had brought some back. They were fortunately not as frequent as they had been, but it still pained him to watch her struggling with her memories.

\- If you want to, you can tell me, he said softly.

\- It was him again… He was back… for the baby, she cried. Kept saying it was his, and wanted to take him away.

John held her closer, not saying anything, until he felt her relaxed a bit.

\- He’ll never hurt you again, nor our baby, you know that?

She nodded tearfully.

\- Good. Now we should try and go back to sleep.

He put his book on the night stand, and lay down in the bed, cupping the back of Anna’s body with his own, his arm safely circled around her belly. He left a sweet kiss just behind her hear, and whispered:

\- I love you Anna.

She smiled in the dark, as she tried to allow sleep to win her over again. But the false labour contractions seemed to be quite strong that night, and she wondered if she would really be able to sleep. Was it the real thing after all?

John had dozed for what he thought was about two hours, when he was woken by some more moaning from Anna. He sighed at the thought of yet another nightmare, when she suddenly grabbed his arm.

\- John?!

He jerked up in the bed, wide awake:

\- What? What is it darling?!

She sat herself up too, and pulled the covers away from her, only to reveal a pool of slightly sticky liquid that had soaked her nightgown.


	24. Chapter 24

John's gaze went from the pool of wetness on the bed to Anna's face, and he looked at her, dumbfounded.

\- What the…, he started, uncertain.

Anna rolled her eyes, obviously finding his brain quite slow on taking up what was going on.

\- I think my water just broke. Seems it wasn't false labour after all.

A few seconds passed while John registered her words.

\- Right. Right. Well, we should call for Dr Clarkson, he said, trying not to panic. What time is it, he added, reaching for his alarm clock.

\- Two in the morning… he concluded, passing his hand through his hair. I'll go wake up the neighbour and ask him to go and fetch Clarkson.

\- You could go yourself you know. Nothing exciting will probably happen in the next hour… You know how Dr Clarkson said a first birth is usually quite a lengthy process.

\- I don't care, I'm not leaving you alone.

He disappeared downstairs, and Anna heard in the distance the low thud of his fist on their neighbour's door, then voices conversing. A few minutes later he was back at her side, with a cup of tea.

\- Mr Tripp has gone for the doctor. Here, you should drink this. Take some strength. And maybe I should change the sheets, and help you out of this soaked nightgown.

He felt like he needed to keep himself busy and in movement, in order to keep control over his nerves. He had tried all through the pregnancy not to think about what could go wrong, but he found it hard now that the time had come, not to let anxiety invade his mind. If ever something happened to the baby… or to Anna… then everything would be over. Memories of Lady Sybil broke into his head and he felt his chest tighten, and fear grip at his very soul. No, this could not happen to them. They had gone through so much already. He thought he would break down and cry, when he was pulled back to reality by Anna's hand grabbing his and squeezing it tightly. The pain was almost welcome, only to distract him from his dark thoughts. He focused back on his wife, who had her eyes tightly closed as she was obviously working herself through a contraction. She exhaled deeply when the pain passed, and look up to him.

\- Are you alright darling, he asked worriedly.

\- Yes. It's over for now.

\- How bad is it?

\- Bearable, for the time being… Although I know it's supposed to get stronger with time, so…

She paused, leaving her sentence unfinished.

\- Come on, you're right, I'd like to change clothes.

\- Sure, let me help, he said, helping her out of her wet gown.

***

John was pacing back and forth in the bedroom while Anna tried to grab a few minutes dozing in between each contraction, when at last he heard voices outside, and blessed heavens for the arrival of the doctor. However, he frowned when he heard a woman's voice talking to the neighbour, in place of Dr Clarkson's. He hurried downstairs and opened the door to reveal a middle-aged plump woman, standing beside Mr Tripp.

\- I'm sorry Mr Bates, Dr Clarkson was busy with an urgent surgery, so he sent this lady instead. He said she was qualified.

The woman introduced herself confidently:

\- Hello Mr Bates, I am Susan Holmes, midwife. I'll be attending to your wife.

John looked at her, somewhat disappointed and suspicious. He had waited for Dr Clarkson and was not pleased to trust an unknown woman with his wife's fate.

\- Might I come in, and meet my patient? asked politely Mrs Holmes, seeing that John was not moving.

He felt something pulling him backwards, and turned around, only to see Anna behind him:

\- John, come on, let's not be rude, and leave Mrs Holmes waiting outside… Please, come in, said Anna with a weary smile. Please excuse my husband, he was expecting Dr Clarkson… But I'm sure you'll do perfectly well.

Mrs Holmes entered and started putting her coat and hat off.

\- Indeed, I am perfectly capable of handling a normal birth, she said with a kind authority in her tone. And should anything stray out of path, we'll send for the doctor.

John frowned, and finally shrugged, as he took her coat and hat, to hang them on the wall.

\- Alright then…

He turned back to his neighbour who was still waiting outside.

\- Thank you so much Mr Tripp. We won't bother you longer.

\- No problem Mr Bates. Call me again if the need arises.

\- We will. Thank you again.

And John closed the door as the man made his way back to his own home.

Mrs Holmes picked up her birthing bag, and turned to Anna:

\- Well, Mrs Bates, I suggest we go back to your bedroom so I'll make a first assessment of how things are going.

\- Yes, sure, let's go, answered Anna.

She had only taken a few steps towards the stairs when she stopped in her tracks, hands clutching at her abdomen, breathing hard. Mrs Holmes immediately started rubbing the small of her back, speaking low in her ear:

\- That's right, breathe deeply through it, you're doing great.

Studying her from the door, John had to admit that her moves seemed assured and that she appeared to know what to do. He felt a little less anxious.

When Anna was settled back in their bed, Mrs Holmes proceeded to her examination. She controlled Anna's blood pressure, the baby's heartbeat with her Pinard stethoscope, and at last did an internal exam. She frowned for a while as she was doing the exam, while Anna was crunching her eyes closed against the unwelcome sensation. When she was finally done, she called John back, who had been made to wait outside the room.

\- Alright, said Mrs Holmes. Things are looking quite well, although…

\- Although what? cut John, his tone betraying his restlessness.

\- Although I have a suspicion that the baby is in a breech position.

John frowned, not understanding the term:

\- What does that mean?

\- That means that I think the baby is coming with its bottom first, instead of its head. I will be able to make sure in a little while, when the cervix is a little more dilated.

\- Is that a problem? asked Anna.

\- It's nothing we can't handle, said the midwife confidently. But I'm afraid it will mean a little extra work for you Mrs Bates.

\- Oh joy… said Anna, pouting.

\- Anyway, replied Mrs Holmes, the best you can do right now, while things are not too hectic, is rest as much as you can. Have you timed how far apart the contractions are?

\- Er, not precisely, but about ten minutes I'd say, answered Anna.

\- Alright, well, you should try to take a few minutes' rest in between each. Mr Bates, would you prepare a lot of strong sweet tea, and some boiled water also?

\- Yes, sure, said John, happy to have something practical to do.

The next three hours passed somewhat quietly, except for the contractions gradually becoming stronger and closer to one another. However Anna seemed to be handling them rather well, with the help of the midwife. The sun was rising when Mrs Holmes proceeded to make another internal exam on Anna.

\- Alright, she said. The baby is definitely coming breech. But it's coming down well for now. That means I can tell you if it's a boy or a girl. Do you want to know?

John and Anna quickly looked at each other with a happy twinkle in their eyes. They seemed to be discussing wordlessly for a moment, until Anna smiled at Mrs Holmes:

\- No, I think I'd rather wait to see for myself.

\- Very well. I have another question: do you mind if I call you Anna? Later, when we're in the heat of things, I might want to be more at ease than calling you Mrs Bates.

\- Oh, sure, I don't mind, answered Anna.

***

The clock had just rung seven times in the Abbey servant's hall, and people were slowly gathering around the large table for breakfast. Mrs Hughes entered the hall and quickly scanned around, immediately noticing the two absentees. It was very unusual for the Bates not to be there at seven, so she jumped to the obvious conclusion.

\- Has anyone seen Anna or Mr Bates this morning? she asked around.

A chorus of negative answers confirmed her suspicions.

\- Mr Carson, she said, turning to the butler, I think I'll go check on them at the cottage. Anna might have gone into labour.

\- Don't you want to have breakfast first? asked Carson, seeing her putting on her coat.

\- No, I'm fine.

And she was out the door before he could insist. She would not admit it to him, but she was as nervous as a mother whose daughter was giving birth for the first time. She couldn't deny that Anna had always been a favourite of hers, and she had been through so much in the past years, that Mrs Hughes fervently prayed the Lord that everything would be fine with her. She walked as fast as she could to the cottage, and as she came closer, her suspicions were confirmed when she heard the unmistakable sounds of a woman in labour. She knocked on the door, and looked up when she heard John's voice coming from upstairs. He had put his head through the bedroom's window, his dishevelled hair falling on his forehead:

\- Oh, Mrs Hughes, come in! he called.

She entered and hung her coat and hat, before hastily making her way upstairs. She knocked again before entering the bedroom, just as Anna was groaning her way through a contraction. The midwife looked at Mrs Hughes and asked a bit coldly:

\- And you are?

\- I am Mrs Hughes, Housekeeper at the Abbey.

\- Anna, do you want Mrs Hughes to be there? asked Mrs Holmes to Anna, while she wiped her brow with a wet towel.

\- Yes, yes, panted Anna.

She was starting to feel exhausted with the labour, and the sudden appearance of the woman who was the closest thing she had to a mother gave her a little surge in energy.

\- Alright, agreed Mrs Holmes, you can come in then.

Without speaking further, Mrs Hughes came close to Anna and took her hand. She smiled warmly to her, and asked gently:

\- How are you doing, my dear?

\- I'm doing my best, but Jesus, I'll be glad when this is over… breathed Anna, just as the next contraction hit and she started crunching Elsie's hand.

Watching her struggling, John was becoming more and more restless.

\- Are you sure everything is going well? he asked urgently to Mrs Holmes. Shouldn't we call for Dr Clarkson?

\- There's absolutely no need to bother the doctor, snapped the midwife. Trust your wife, she's doing great!

When Anna emerged from the painful wave, Mrs Holmes turned to Mrs Hughes and asked pointedly:

\- Mrs Hughes, would you take Mr Bates out of the room while I check on Anna?

\- Yes, sure, agreed Elsie.

She went to John and gently took his elbow, leading him to the hallway. When she had closed the bedroom's door behind them, she squeezed John's arm in an attempt to reassure him.

\- Don't worry, Mr Bates, our Anna is made of stern stuff. She'll manage just fine.

Her heart constricted when he looked her in the eyes and she saw the tears threatening to spill and the deep fear in his eyes.

\- I'm so scared, Mrs Hughes… If anything should happen to her… The midwife says the baby's coming breech.

\- It'll be fine! she repeated, trying to convince herself as much as him. I haven't had breakfast, would you go down and make me a cup of tea? she asked, trying anything to distract him from his fears.

\- Yes, sure, he said, walking to the kitchen like a robot.

While he was boiling the kettle once again, he found himself praying a god he did not believe in, in hope that it could ensure his wife's and child's safety.

Mrs Hughes had entered the bedroom again, just as Anna broke into exhausted tears:

\- I can't do it any more, please, help me… I'm so tired… Let me sleep, she begged.

\- Now, Anna, started Mrs Holmes, I know you're tired, and I know this is hard, but you can totally do it. Millions of women have done it before you and you're no less strong than any of them. So put yourself together, and listen to me, and you'll be meeting your little girl very soon!

At those words, Anna opened her eyes wide, and repeated dreamily:

\- My… little girl?

\- Oops, said Mrs Holmes, sorry, I didn't mean to…

Although her smile said she was not sorry at all, and she had very well meant to, in order to give strength to Anna.

\- Now Anna. As I told you, the baby being breech means it's harder for you. I think, to make it easier, we should try another position. You should be more vertical, so that you can work with gravity, not against it. Mrs Hughes please, could you lay a blanket on the floor next to the bed?

Mrs Hughes obliged immediately. Mrs Holmes then helped Anna up, and showed her how she should kneel down on the floor, resting her chest and arms on the edge of the bed.

\- Alright, said the midwife, satisfied. Now if you put all your strength into the next pushes, I'm confident your baby will be here soon.

John's blood froze when he heard Anna's mighty roar as she battled through the next contraction. He had never heard something so powerful. He was scared to his core, but at the same time felt a deep pride on his wife's behalf. She was really the strongest woman he had ever met. Leaving the tea on the sitting-room's table, he quickly made his way upstairs. As he silently re-entered the room, he saw the midwife, bent on the floor behind Anna, whose face was hidden in her arms.

\- Very good Anna! You're doing wonderful! There you go, one more time, go ahead, Mrs Holmes cried to encourage her patient through one more wave.

Anna yelled her heart out three more times, until she felt something wet sliding between her thighs, and the midwife announced:

\- There she is! Come on Anna, look, take your baby!

\- Oh God, oh God, repeated Anna feverishly, as she heard her baby's little cry. She quickly sat back down on her heels and picked up the small and sticky body, and gathered the infant closely against her chest. Her eyes searched around for John, as a wide smile bloomed on her tired and pale face.

John stood a few feet away, motionless, gaping, like mesmerized at the sight of his wife holding their newborn child. Mrs Hughes had the time to wrap the baby into a warm towel, and Mrs Holmes to cut the cord, before he managed to put himself together and approach Anna.

\- Oh my darling… he whispered.

Tears ran free on his cheeks, as his hand hesitantly brushed the baby's cheek.

\- Our baby girl… beamed Anna.

\- Girl…

\- Anna, you should lie back on the bed now, said Mrs Holmes. The placenta will be coming out shortly, and I need to check on the bleeding. Mr Bates, will you hold your daughter while I settle your wife into the bed?

John looked at the midwife with a dreamy smile, not reacting to her request. She chuckled lightly, used as she was to new fathers being a little dazed.

\- Mr Bates? she asked again. The baby?

She took the little bundle from Anna's arms and handed it to him. He let himself fall heavily on the edge of the bed before taking the baby into his arms. He looked up when he felt Mrs Hughes's hand warmly squeezing his shoulder.

\- Congratulations Mr Bates. This is the most beautiful little girl ever.

\- I am a father… And I have a daughter… he uttered, like he couldn't believe his own luck.

Moments later, when Anna had been delivered, cleaned, put into fresh clothes and sheets, and given sugared tea, she and John were seated side by side on the bed, his arm around her shoulder, both lost in the contemplation of their newest marvel. When she had cleaned and put all her things back into her bag, Mrs Holmes asked them:

\- So, how are we to call this little one?

John and Anna looked at each other, beaming, and Anna started:

\- This is Madeline…

\- … Margaret…

\- … Elsie…

\- … Bates.

\- Very well, said the midwife, scribbling on the birth certificate. Are those family names? she asked, out of curiosity.

\- Madeline was my granny's name, answered Anna, and Margaret was John's mother's. As for Elsie…, she added, looking up to Mrs Hughes.

The Housekeeper was looking at them with tears in her eyes.

\- Anna, Mr Bates… I am so honoured…

\- You've always been there for me, stated Anna, so it only seemed fair. And, as this little one has no grandmother left, we would be honoured if you would accept to be her godmother.

Mrs Hughes smiled brightly, and replied:

\- Oh Anna, I would be very proud. You couldn't make me happier! Thank you so much.

Having never had a family of her own, the older woman felt she would never feel closer to being a real mother and grandmother. She stood up and came close to the bed, where she bent upon the little girl who was soundly sleeping against her mother's breast.

\- Well hello, little Madeline. I'd be very honoured to be your Godmother.

She straightened up, and said:

\- Jesus, I have to go back to the Abbey and deliver the good news to everyone. Don't you mind?

\- Of course, said John, go.

\- I'll come back later today, she said, moving towards the door.

As she walked back to the Abbey with a new spring in her steps, Elsie Hughes sighed deeply and beamed to life. She felt indeed as happy and proud as if it had been her actual granddaughter who had just been born.


	25. Chapter 25

Anna was sitting on a chair, taking in the sun outside the cottage, knitting while Madeline slept in a wicker cot beside her. The baby having a mild jaundice, the midwife had advised Anna to let her take as much daylight as possible, so she was taking advantage of the warm and sunny July weather. John was at the Abbey working, but these days he came home for lunch everyday, bringing in baskets of food filled by Mrs Patmore and Daisy. In the afternoons Mrs Hughes would often drop by and have a chat, or watch Maddy while Anna took a nap. Anna had a few times made the journey to the Abbey with John and the baby in the pram, so that they could show off their wonderful little girl to the household both downstairs and upstairs.

As the baby cooed softly in her sleep, Anna smiled to herself, remembering that smart idea of hers. She had to admit that she was rather proud of thinking of it, and then of managing to talk John into it, despite his reluctance at first. But she had been determined that she wanted to bury the war hatchet once and for all between them and Thomas Barrow, and she knew how much Thomas loved children, and how much it pained him that he would never be able to have any. So, on their first family visit in the servants’ hall, she had genuinely put the baby in Thomas’s arms, and watched in delight as she saw his usually hard face soften. She bid her time, until finally came a moment when she and John were alone with him and Mrs Hughes around the large table.

\- So, Mr Barrow, I have a question for you, she started breezily.

Barrow looked up at her, puzzled:

\- Yes?

She flashed him her best confident smile, as she went on:

\- Would you be my daughter’s godfather?

Thomas gaped at her for a moment, obviously having a hard time processing what she had just said. He licked his lips slowly, and looked out to John, unsure:

\- Erm… And you’d be alright with that? he asked his long-time nemesis.

John frowned a bit, and offered a crooked smiled:

\- Well. I can’t say you’d have been my spontaneous choice. But my wife seems to have good reason to want you, and I happen to trust her judgment. I only hope I won’t come to regret it. She thinks you can be trusted with such an important position regarding our daughter, so I hope you don’t deceive her.

Thomas swallowed hard. It was the first time in his whole life that someone had willingly trusted him. But Anna had not forgotten the kindness he had shown her when she had been at her lowest, and she wanted to show him how grateful she was.

\- So? What do you say, Thomas, she asked gently. You can take some time to think it over if you wish.

\- But… Will Father Travis even accept me as godfather? I mean he knows what I am… I am a devious man in his eyes. And, you? Doesn’t it bother you?

\- It doesn’t. I have known you for more than ten years and I know that deep down you’re a good person, even if you work very hard to hide it, she said with a gleam in her eye. And as for Father Travis, well, we’ll be having the christening in Kirkbymoorside, so the vicar won’t know you, and what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him…

\- You’ve thought this through then…

\- You know Anna, chuckled John. When she sets her mind on something…

A small laugh left Thomas’s lips.

\- Indeed. Well, then, alright, I’d be happy and honoured to be Madeline’s godfather. Although, that means I can’t hate you any more, he pouted, looking at John.

\- Yes, sorry about that, answered John with a tight smile. I guess we’ll have to find a way to get along.

\- Thank you very much Thomas, beamed Anna, warmly squeezing his upper arm. I’m very glad you accepted.

Across the table, Mrs Hughes looked at Anna, and offered her a smile when their gaze met. They had discussed the matter together during one of Mrs Hughes’s stop at the cottage, and Mrs Hughes had agreed with Anna’s idea. Like her, the Housekeeper was convinced that Thomas deep down was a good man, once you managed to get past his firmly erected wall of deception and self-hatred. She agreed that trusting him with important and valuable tasks was bound to bring out the good in him.

While she was remembering that moment, Anna noticed a small kitten wandering on the dirt path in front of the cottages. It seemed very young, no more than a few months old, and was scruffy, his fur dirt-tainted, and quite ill-nourished. The little animal came near to Anna and started rubbing herself against Anna’s stockings, meowing lightly.

\- Hey there, little one, said Anna, bending to scratch the cat’s head and back. Where do you come from? Are you lost?

The kitten was meowing with more and more insistence, looking hopefully at Anna.

\- You seem hungry for sure… You have only your skin on your bones… You don’t know how to hunt for yourself, do you?

Anna got up and went into the cottage. A few minutes later, she got out again, only to find the kitten sitting on her tail, waiting hopefully. When she saw Anna putting down a little saucer with some milk and a slice of leftover steak-and-kidney-pie, the kitten rushed towards her and started devouring the food. Anna laughed softly at the animal’s eagerness.

\- So… Have you lost your mummy?

When the cat had swallowed all the food Anna had given her, she spread herself on the ground, warming her fur under the sun, and started purring. Anna was distracted from watching her by the sound of Maddy starting to fuss.

\- Seems like it’s time to feed the other baby, stated Anna. She picked up the wicker basket to go back into the cottage. She didn’t like to nurse outside, out of modesty, in case a neighbour came across her being somewhat undressed. When she was back in her sitting-room, and had settled in her favourite armchair, and Maddy was safely latched onto her breast, she looked up to the window, and noticed that the kitten had settled herself on the sitting-room’s window sill, and was looking inside. Anna laughed softly and said to Maddy:

\- Looks like someone likes us and would be willing to move in with us…

***

The cottage’s hallway was cramped with moving boxes, and Anna and John were hastily eating breakfast, waiting for Mr Mason’s wagonette. Daisy had kindly asked her father-in-law if he would help the Bates with moving their stuff to Kirkbymoorside, and the man had gladly accepted. There wasn’t much anyway, since most of the furniture had come with the cottage, and was therefore staying there. While she was doing a last minute check into the cottage’s rooms, Anna almost tripped on the kitten, meowing her heart out. In the last three weeks, she had worked her way into Anna and John’s house, and Anna had convinced John to take her on, and bring her to the Red Lion, arguing that she would be useful to keep mice at bay in their storage room. Not that John had needed much convincing to indulge into his wife’s desire. He had noticed that Anna slept more peacefully when the furry little thing came to settle in the crook of her neck and purred into her ear. So, if he had to share his wife with a cat to help her soothe her remaining anxieties, so be it. He was willing to do so.

Anna laughed at the kitten:

\- Yes, Franklin, yes, I’m not forgetting you, don’t worry, we’ll not leave you behind! Come here!

And she opened a wicker basket, into which the cat happily settled. Anna circled the basket with a belt, so that it would not open during transport and they would not risk losing her.

\- Everything seems ready my darling, said John, we have packed everything?

\- I think so, answered Anna, putting the basket safely on the top of a pile of boxes.

She turned to look around at the sitting-room, and sighed. John came behind her and encircled her with his arms.

\- Bittersweet feeling, don’t you think?

\- Yes… I’m so thrilled about starting our inn, but at the same time… this was our first home, where our daughter was born… I’ll miss the place.

\- I’ll miss it too. As I’ll miss Downton. But hey, we’ve got great work ahead. Our inn, and our family.

She smiled as she settled her head against John’s shoulder, and they stood still for a few moments. The staff at Downton had thrown them a little farewell party the previous night, and there had been emphatic speech by Mr Carson, tearful parting with Mrs Patmore, Daisy, and promises to keep in touch, to write and to visit frequently. As godparents to Maddy, Mrs Hughes and Thomas would have good reason to visit regularly, and their first planned visit would be the next month, for Maddy’s christening. Mr Mason’s calling outside the cottage tore Anna and John from their reverie.

\- There we go, breathed John.

\- Yes. Time to turn a new page, agreed Anna.

***

Anna and John had been working on getting the inn ready for the opening, which was planned in a week. That morning, they were working on the various orders they had to place to the local shops in order to have everything they needed, when the bell from the street door tinkled.

\- And this must be our new housemaid, said John.

\- I'll go get her, replied Anna, getting up.

She walked to the door, and beamed at the young woman who was waiting outside.

\- Ms Nielson, how nice to see you again! Come in! she said warmly.

When she had stepped inside and Anna had closed the door behind her, Ms Nielson smiled back at Anna:

\- Please, call me Laura.

When the time had come to look for staff for the inn, Anna had immediately thought about young Laura Nielson. Since the trial, they had written to each other regularly, and Laura had been very glad to accept the job Anna had offered her. She had been, after all, a housemaid, until she had lost her job. The Red Lion was nowhere near as grand as the house she had been working in, but the factory job was not pleasing, and she would enjoy working with Anna, who had more or less become a friend to her. So there she was, hoping to fashion a new start for herself too, with the Bates’s help.

***

On this warm August Sunday morning, Anna was slowly waking up in her new bedroom in the private quarters of the inn. For the first time since she was born, Maddy had let her sleep for five hours in a row, but right now she was noisily demanding her breakfast. As Anna was sitting herself up and undoing her gown’s buttons, she looked up and saw John bringing the baby to her.

\- Hungry baby asking for mummy’s milk! he joked, as Anna settled Madeline at her breast.

\- Jesus, I’m happy she’s hungry because I think otherwise I was going to burst quite soon…

While the baby heartily nursed, Franklin the cat kept roaming around John’s feet, loudly meowing.

\- This one wants her breakfast too, laughed Anna.

\- Didn’t you say she was supposed to hunt the mice in the storage room?

\- Well maybe there aren’t any…

When the cat had been fed, she came back to the bedroom, where the baby was finishing nursing, more quietly. The kitten jumped on the bed, and came to Anna’s free hand, asking for cuddles. Anna started petting the little fur ball, and she purred in response. When John had dressed himself in his best Sunday suit, he came to sit near Anna on the bed’s edge. He beamed at the sight of his wife and daughter, and said dreamily:

\- I can’t believe today is the day we christen our first-born. And tomorrow is the day we open our inn. Good things come to those who wait, as they say… I’ve never been so happy in my whole life.

He cupped Anna’s cheek, and gently asked, looking deep in her eyes:

\- What about you my love? Are you happy?

Anna smiled brightly back at him:

\- I am.

And it was true. She had her husband, her daughter, her cat, and her inn. There was no place for darkness in her life any more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might wonder about the point of the cat... Well, the thing is, I lost my 17 year-old cat named Franklin last week, so this is a kind of tribute to her. It makes me feel better to think that she will live forever with Anna in Kirkbymoorside.   
> I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it.


End file.
